One of my many spiritual teachers wisely noted that we learn about life and heal ourselves through relationships. Hmmm…
Throughout much of my life, and still to this very day, the word “relationship” has been a dirty word. Well, maybe not as much “dirty” as too serious or something incomprehensible to me.
“Making love” is also a phrase that I do not use. It kind of creeps me out.
I’m still trying to invent another word for “relationship,” one which doesn’t have the negative connotation attached to it; a word that encompasses the sweetness, simplicity, complication, freedom, and connection of two or more beings.
When I open my handy-dandy dictionary, I see why the word “relationship” has the effect that it does, especially as it has pertained to me and my interactions with members of the opposite sex.
Definition of RELATIONSHIP
1: the state of being related or interrelated <studied the relationship between the variables>
2: the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as
a : kinship
b : a specific instance or type of kinship
3 a : a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings <had a good relationship with his family>
b : a romantic or passionate attachment
It is the word “binding” that leaves a great deal of distaste in my mouth. Somewhere along the way, we go from 3b, romantic or passionate attachment, and then end up being bound – tied up, chained, emotionally constipated.
I’m not overly fond of the word “attachment” either – it’s a lot like Velcro, and to detach, there is a very loud RIP.
I realize, with the S&M popularity in fiction right now, Fifty Shades of Greyand others, that being bound could be extraordinarily appealing to some people, at least the idea of it.
But I’m not going there – not yet anyway.
Now, if we break the “ship” from its root, there is a spectrum of possibilities, positive and delicious words that better describe my interactions with people.
Definition of RELATED
1 : connected by reason of an established or discoverable relation
2 : connected by common ancestry or sometimes by marriage
3 : having close harmonic connection — used of tones, chords, or tonalities
Synonyms: affiliated, akin, allied, kindred
That’s much better!
I do often think I’m missing something – another human with similar freedom philosophy – who perhaps flirts and plays and doesn’t take life quite so seriously. Or maybe I’m just missing the point.
I do dream of love. I don’t think I’m afraid of it. I’m just not sure that I’m good at it.