Journey of Wants
Procrastination...I sang in my head to the tune of “Anticipation” by Carly Simon.
Procrastination is making me wait.
Procrastination is making me text, more like.
…and texting is a great distraction for me. It used to be email and then chat, or a combination. But phones make it so easy to connect from anywhere to anyone at anytime.
Writing has become my preferred method of communicating with others. I have time to think about what I want to say… and having a “delete” button is very handy, and it’s not available when speaking out loud.
When it comes to writing, I have dabbled in journalism and writing articles about subjects that I have studied in school and subjects I have used on a professional level. I also just love to hear myself talk on paper.
However, my last journalism article left me feeling uneasy about that style of writing. I was assigned to write a general information essay about types of protein, (meat, beans, etc.) for Livestrong.com. After reading my completed article, the editor asked me to rewrite it, claiming that fish wasn’t meat. I begged to differ, that animals are in fact meat, and fish are animals. He said that according to their readership, vegetarians eat fish, so fish isn’t meat.
What kind of logic is that????!!!!
I guess they didn’t want to anger the vegetarians –
Let’s not provide them with any ‘aha’ moments that might rock the boat.
So now I write about all kinds of thoughts that pop into my head and hope that something coherent emerges from the letters on the page.
Sometimes I have writer’s block. More often though, there is just too much going on…too many thoughts and pages and pages of prose and poetry that need a little direction.
Procrastination…I sang in my head again.
Procrastination is keeping me waiting.
It was a Sunday morning at 5:30 AM.
In my procrastination, I was stuck answering the question “why?” – What was the point of telling this story? … except to hear myself tell it and release the story from my soul. So rather than dig deeper into the “why” – I dug into my purse and pulled out my phone.
I have no boundaries when it comes to texting. My friends can choose to switch their phones to vibrate or “do not disturb.” If my antics wake them up, it’s on them.
The first person to answer my “distress text” was Mr. Life Coach. I told him I was working on my book.
Text Received on 03/03/13 5:47:28 AM from Mr. Life Coach to me
Why would I think of Marriage EVER??? Really??
There is no such thing as Prince Charming. However, once upon a time on Facebook, I did marry a prince…
I could feel myself getting defensive.
Who does this guy think he is?
And yet, in my dysfunction, boredom, and brokenness, I continued on.
…oh geez, that’s good. …noting that one…
I have never really had the opportunity to explore what I want for my life, and I’m doing that now… But sometimes I get lost in the language, or the words elude me because I haven’t created the reality in a defined way. That’s where I’m stuck. Maybe that’s my “why.”
So when I start to explain what I want, from men specifically, it seems to be misinterpreted because my goals and objectives are not the “standard American dream” (SAD)… and I do things a little backwards according to the accepted protocol that has been followed for generations.
I don’t have the cookie cutter “dream” laid out before me and then try to find someone who fits THAT mold…
But it seems like that is what everyone else does…
No, I feel like I have to mold the “relationship” fit the people in it.
I think that seems simple enough …
By the way, I loathe the word “relationship.” It’s too serious. There’s only so much seriousness I can tolerate before I wither and die!!!