I have spent the last 30 days writing for myself daily and posting those thoughts for the world to see.
Kinda cool, kinda scary.
Will they like me? Will I piss them off with my opinion?
I haven’t offered strong opinions yet – except for Responsibility – and I was pleased that someone didn’t agree with everything offered there 🙂
I had thought about writing a series of articles ahead of time and scheduling them – but I didn’t. I wrote every day. Most days, I didn’t know what my word was going to be or what I was going to write about.
It’s a proud moment for myself. YAY me!
The journey began: I had just moved (still have boxes) and spent months in relationship hell trying to get fully out of something where I didn’t belong, asking myself why I entered into it when I knew from the start it was not going to work.
The “why” is very clear – there were things I hadn’t learned yet:
- Forgiveness and understanding of just what my marriage was like for the other person and my role mirrored back for me – that itself was worth the price of admission.
- I learned to argue and redirect the antagonist – Unfortunately, this was a DAILY occurrence and absolutely exhausting. I’m not interested in doing this again. In my prior life before this experience, I hadn’t ever properly fought with anyone. I usually backed away in silence. But I am glad to know that I’m capable.
- I learned that I’m not broken – even when I felt broken – that my path is MINE and it’s not because I’m not open or I haven’t found the right man or whatever other bullshit that men of have told me about me (which I now understand was their sales pitch to get me to go out with them – NO!)
- I also understand fully how my emotional state manifests itself physically – without doubt – without question. So if I’m dating someone and my body presents pain or starts getting soft and not being its best, then it’s time to call a meeting for body, mind, and spirit and evaluate the entire situation.
I have freedom and answers to questions about myself – really knowing who I am and having an unwavering understanding of my unique needs and wants – and they are unique – so my body is behaving as it should, it feels amazing – and I’m mentally/spiritually very intact.
I no longer ask myself, “What’s wrong with me?” I ask, “What’s RIGHT with me?”
I celebrate my nerdiness, my weirdness, my abhorrence of drama, my joy at walking outside, my singing to myself all day long ~
It’s all great stuff…and no one will cage me or speak for me or tell me what to wear, where to go, whom I should be with. I will not accept criticism or judgment over how I live my life or what makes me happy.
EXCEPT: I gave permission to my closest friends to slap me if I think it’s a good idea to have roommates again – not good –
…My oh my…it’s a wonderful day.