That “Thing”

That “Thing” … No not THAT Thing… That “Thing”

It would be like me, however, to dedicate a blog post to THAT thing, since I don’t know how guys function with them.

Spending 4 days with my “Band of Brothers,” where they were in and out of below 70-degree temp water, hiking, and jumping “freestyle,” I saw a lot of adjustments being made. #freewilly

There’s nothing holding me in place. I’m flipping, I’m flopping.

No, I’m talking about that “thing”

I was sipping gulping skinny margaritas with Ms. Spa – There’s nothing like drinks, girl talk, and skewering men for entertainment when life kicks you in the boob.

And then Ms. Spa and I discussed that “thing” – that “something” – zing, zip, zowy, spark – The unexplained “what-the-hell-was that” factor.

You feel it early – like listening to his voicemail, walking by him in a hall, or dare I say the cliched “at first sight.”

The real question is: Is it necessary? I say yes – because my favorite flings had it.

She said she only felt that “thing” with 3 men.

I looked up at the thought bubble that appeared above my head and read, “Oh poor thing – I know I’m in the double digits.” #livingthedream

I snapped out of that margarita-induced, over-inflated-ego state and gave it a solid intellectual thought.

I stuck out my tongue a little and got my fingers out to count how many I have had – (margaritas + math = stupid)

– 4, maybe 5, but I don’t think the 5th was really that “thing,” – It was just the first time in 15 years that I had been with another man, so that brought mega butterflies in its own right, and I don’t think I knew which end was up. He’s still in my favorite fling category, well deservedly. #poppedmytextingcherry

So what is that “thing”?

How come I felt something with a voicemail? … I did follow up that voicemail with an excellent conversation and a completely appropriate Facebook stalking to ensure that he was truly hot … mmm hmmm – senses were correct, sir.

That one – is my book – by the way 🙂

I know this isn’t gonna end well, but the whole middle part is going to be awesome.

How come I felt something walking by him in a hall? It was crazy, just walked by him, never had seen him ever in my life. I said, “Hi,” and he said, “Hi,”

– and it was as if I had been hit in the back of the knees, and I went down … SMACK… I actually turned around and said, “What was THAT?” He looked at me and smiled. #ihavenofilters

It was a palpable force – like that cloud monster in Lost, if you watched that show.  I’m glad I wasn’t bludgeoned and placed on the top of a tree by that force.

How come I felt something from nothing? I don’t think I actually experienced the “at first sight” because I think there’s a mystical energy at work, and there has to be some kind of sensual contact, meaning one of the five six senses.

While my 4-5 “things” have been with attractive men, at least at the time (one decided that kegs of beer and bacon cheeseburgers would bring his life joy – it brought maximum density instead) – There was still an initial interaction.

My last favorite, you all know as Captain Amazing – that was a “knock-me-down” kind of “thing.”

When we met (a year ago??) …He was late…I waited…I waited in the lobby of the salon/spa where my studio was at the time.

In an earlier story, I had waited there before with bated breath to meet Mr. Voicemail (described above), but this time, I had no expectations of anything, AND I was slightly annoyed.

He walked in the door, hair kind of disheveled, wearing a Captain America T-shirt and jeans.

“He’s cool already,” I thought.

Sidebar: Read the little “story” on my massage website, since I describe massaging Captain America. I’m sure I would feel that “thing” with Chris Evans – I would at least welcome the opportunity with open arms 🙂  #ilovechrisevans #bodofgods

He walked in and apologized for being late. I said it was ok. I then told him that I met his brother the previous week.

He said with his cocky Boston accent, “Sorry about that. I’m more fun and I have more hair.”

I said, “Well, you’re right about the hair – the fun remains to be seen.”

He turned to me and smirked.

Interestingly, when I met his brother, Mr. Luge, the previous week, he apologized in advance for anything potentially offensive his brother might say to me.

We went into my studio, where my Marvel Comics paraphernalia were displayed: Captain America’s shield, Thor’s hammer, Iron-Man’s mask…

He looked at everything and touched it all and said, “It’s so cool that you’re into comics and super-heroes. So am I.”

I said, “Then we will get along just fine.”

…and then I was struck by a bolt of electricity…

I was dying – I was trapped inside myself with all of this electricity and chemistry and raging hormones – and had no outlet for it!! #itishappening

I was stifling giggles and kept asking myself, “What the hell is this??? Who is this guy??”  

I was sweating and tingly in places that you don’t talk about out loud – unless you’re me –  #thatjusthappened

I saw him one more time after that, and then he disappeared for a while…when he returned…holy shit – it was worse better BEST.

He may not fit society’s definition of a hero, but he is the hero I needed. The hero who helped me recover from the disaster of my failed almost-marriage and get back into the game. He lives in the shadows. Is he a dream? Truth? Fiction? Damnation? Salvation? He is all these things and none of them. He is…The Naked Man.

And now he’s a zombie – Zombies don’t have feelings anymore because they are un-living. #zombieapocalypseisreal

Here’s the awesome thing though – I have had 4-5 “things” – (plus the flat-liners just so I could earn some experience at breaking up and know what I don’t want)

– Kudos to me for that! Some people have zero – big fat goose egg! #suckstosuck #zombieapocalypseishappening

And I’m still the very best version of myself – because when life kicks me in the boob and makes me sad, I just be awesome instead. #beingawesomerules #ninjachickforever



Quotes above are by Kramer from Seinfeld; by Nick Miller from New Girl; and by Ted from How I Met Your Mother – My favorite TV shows, that I only watch on Netflix (except for Seinfeld – I watched that when it was really on).

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