Voices & Other Things In My Mouth
I get asked this question a lot ~ “Why are you single? You’re so great?” …
…to which I answer… “I know I’m great – that’s why I’m single.”
It’s followed up with a look of pity.
The truth is – I love being single! #strongsexysingle
…and I still love boys and sex… #wolverine
There are too many nonsensical rules that accompany being part of a couple, and most of them are subliminal and conditioned through societal influences.
The nonsense is – Once you become partner in a “relationshit,” you lose your identity and your voice. You’ve basically sold your soul for sex. #welcometotheapocalypse
Ms. Spa and I were discussing where and when we have choked on our words – past and present – and why we have had struggles with simply expressing ourselves with men.
We became full-fledged, well-trained, extraordinarily disciplined zombies. And the sad truth is – We had allowed this to happen.
If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.
In my experience, which is not unique to just me, I had to stuff my voice for years and deny myself the expression of who I am – because the guy I was with wasn’t confident enough to handle what I would do or say –
I had to bite my tongue – I represented “the man” so I’d better watch what I say and whom I say things to.
I moved from single, fun, awesome chick to girlfriend/wife/zombie, which meant that I could no longer be slutty vixen, especially in public… but also behind the scenes –
Because zombies do not have great sex. It’s routine, boring, obligatory – It’s not the sport of champions. #theceilingneedspaint
(I’d rather be alone with my Majestic Purple toy or my Waterpik shower massager than to have zombie-boring-obligatory sex)
And instead of insisting that the man/zombie grow more confidence, I censored myself because I was scared shitless about the consequences. #whatthefuck?????
…and that left me with nothing… nothing left of my heart or my voice, except a grunt. #zombieapocalypseisreal
When people don’t express themselves, they die one piece at a time.
As a single female, I’ve read just about every self-help book when it comes to men, dating, relationships – in order to rectify this loss of voice and self – and 90% of the time, they have made me nauseated and confused –
The self-helpers say things like: “This is the head game you need to play – This is who you need to be. This is what a man wants. This is what you need to say and do to get a man.”
Again, what the fuck???
I love my whole authentic self.
Why in the world would I want to give up my awesomeness and become a zombie just so I could have a man and sex in my life????
I’ve already explained that zombie sex SUCKS #suckstosuck
…and if I’m going to “suck” – then put something awesome in my mouth and allow me to do it properly! #slurp
(I’m lacking filters right now because it’s been a few days…)
While I do consider sex a sport, I don’t consider head games to be recreational.
I received a comment from an adoring fan about Captain Amazing’s amazing phone call – The fan suggested that I “should have made him sweat and not given him an answer right away.”
Well, I suppose I could have done that, except I would have been punishing myself by keeping my friend away… Punishing myself is not acceptable to me.
I was really excited to have him back (great conversation and great sex returned!!)…
… and I was sure as shit not going to pretend that I wasn’t excited or instantly wet … #wetnessrules
(…again…filters are escaping me at the moment)
I love being a slutty vixen – I love flirting and being outspoken and forward.
I still have morals and boundaries. Some would consider them blurred, but they are mine and they exist.
It’s actually possible to be a slutty vixen, she-demon-ho, shameless flirt, walk around in a Mystique costume AND have morals and boundaries….
The rule here is… Your morals and boundaries have to fit YOU. And it’s within your right to express that!
For example: When I am engaged in my competitive contact sport with a man, I am monogamous.
…and it’s an effortless moral boundary that makes me feel good about myself. He has not imposed this boundary upon me.
However, I’m still single, I still flirt, and I can have coffee or happy hour with whomever I want, etc., etc.
My moral boundary is not a prison sentence.
These are the ground rules. I hook up with one guy a season…
…And despite my rejection of most Judeo-Christian ethics, I am, within the framework of [that] season, monogamous.
It takes a very confident man to accept that about me. Let’s face it – I present quite a dilemma for a man – #thestruggleisreal
Society will tell him the following:
- If she’s monogamous, then she wants a relationship.
- If she’s a flirty slutty vixen, then she’ll “cheat” on you and treat you like crap.
Fortunately for me, Captain Amazing has the confidence to not give a damn what society says or thinks about me, and he has formulated his own opinion. It’s one of his super powers.
I want him (and everyone actually) to just take me as I am, with my outspokenness and lack of filters, even if I say the wrong thing at the wrong time.
Usually, if I say the wrong thing at the wrong time, I had a good intention, not an evil one. I know myself, and I know that I would never be mean on purpose. #i’masuperhero #notavillain
…and it’s usually about sex… and usually I end up just embarrassing myself – It is what it is. 🙂
Besides, I’d rather that he not have me at all, than to have a censored fake version of me. #ihavetobereal
If he needs to impose a “gag order” on me, he has to do it with his cocky manhood – and while I’m handcuffed. 🙂
That was so much fun! Is it time to play again??
Ladies – Take the opportunity to find your voice – To practice saying difficult things. To practice standing up for yourself because you have nothing to lose.
… and be a little forward…
The post-apocalyptic world of the living is a place to find out who you really are, how you want to express yourself, reinvent your moral code.
There is no one left to judge you – the zombies don’t matter and the rest of us accept you for who you are.
Life is meant to be enjoyed and celebrated.
Your mouth needs a voice … and a pole to play with… 🙂
Quotes above are by Zora Neale Hurston, Laurie Halse Anderson, and Annie Savoy.