Fluffers And Warm Fuzzies: Working In Emotional Porn
Part 2: Continued from “My Friends Are My Fluffers.”
This could also be “Confessions Part 2” – I knew I would have more things come up.
..and while I didn’t get a rock this time – We still rocked it!
The pleasure of living and the pleasure of the orgasm are identical.
FRIDAY 11 P.M.
To say that the evening of household chores ended in “payment for services rendered” would be erroneously crass.
On the contrary, it was an evening of splendid “firsts,” during which I divulged some of the unique qualities of my body, and we talked about a road map to the pleasure dome –
The overall discussion was NOT a new topic for the two of us, which is a huge reason we get along so well.
My treasure map to “G marks the spot” was drawn from memory from the first and last time my G-spot had been found. #gspotcherry
It was a previous experience that I had once – well there were a few times with one person; however, under my classification system, it was once.
I did remember what that felt like – and it was the same every time with that man.
It was a “hurts so good” kind of feeling, but slightly more “hurt” than “so good,” mixed with total spasmodic paralysis.
I wasn’t completely sure if I liked it or not, but I wanted more – I wanted to know if that feeling was just unique because I was a G-spot virgin.
However, I was saving myself for the right man – my own special brand of virginity. #likeavirgin #madonna
So I did something I’ve never done before – I showed Captain Amazing how to get there. I created a sort of GPS to my G-spot. #gpstogspot #challengeaccepted
Generally speaking, guys are task-oriented linear thinkers – Gals think in spacial patterns. Men are vision-oriented, and women are feel-based.
I gave him his task and a path to follow.
He now had a clearer understanding of just how my engine can purr when all of the buttons of the dashboard are labeled and then pushed with his skillful artistry. #talented #superpowers
And I got to enjoy the ride 🙂
He also confessed to commenting on my blog – his first 🙂 #holyshit! #truestory
How do I feel about the fact that he reads everything I write out here in cyberspace?
Pretty damn flattered and happy, actually, with only a twinge of nervousness. #yikes #censorshipisforsissies
Yes, these are the things that we talk about – and it doesn’t matter where we are – nor does it matter that he’s kissing me and telling me what he said on my blog.
He asked if I minded that…Heck no!
Maybe he’ll help me build my bookshelves and we could combine that with some sort of sexual-fantasy, home-improvement thing…
This isn’t a sex thing, is it? Because I can’t build a dresser and pleasure a woman at the same time. I’m not God.
…Then again, maybe not…
saturday sometime around 1am – NOT SURE, NO CLOCK, AND DoN’T CARE
His willingness to explore, test and experiment, along with his skill, his touch, and just how he feels to me – and then how I feel –
OMG – I’m so lucky to have such a great facilitator of pleasure! #justpushplay
By the way – goal achieved! He accepted and succeeded at my challenge.
Don’t get me wrong, sex is not a goal-oriented sport. Playing the game extraordinarily well is what counts.
So when I say – “goal achieved” – G-SPOT LOCATED – AND THIS FELT AMAZINGLY BETTER – and I left my body!!! #outofbodyexperience
I really can make the virginity analogy stick, even when it’s just a first time with a new position or a new trick:
Losing your virginity is great because it’s a rite of passage, but it otherwise hurts and sucks – and you just have to get it over with, so you can improve. #ouch #whatdoesn’tkillyoumakesyoustronger
Sex improves with practice, confidence, and the right playmate. So don’t throw in the towel, Ladies. #itdoesgetbetter #trytryagain
Confession: I discovered that I do something after truly amazing sex – the kind of sex where I leave my body – #higherground
Now that I’m confessing this, I don’t recall this ever happening before with anyone else, not after the fact anyway…
..but it’s happened two or three times at our “sleepover, no-pajama” parties at Captain Amazing’s place.
I laugh – I mean the kind of laughing that cannot be stopped no matter how hard I try – full body hysterical laughing –
I was trying to be still to go to sleep after a fair amount of time had passed since the glorious climactic ending…lights were off…alarm was set, etc., etc. – And this hysteria began without warning.
I caught my breath and tried to stifle my laughter and said, “Sorry..”
Not that I was truly sorry…I simply meant that I didn’t have a reason for laughing that I could share with him to make any kind of sense as to what was happening to me…
… but the second the word “sorry” left my mouth, I immediately burst out laughing again, like I was being held down and tickled…
…and I was at the mercy of this insane emotional byproduct of my soul returning to my body…
Reentry tickles a lot and feels like a roller coaster – just saying.
“Don’t be sorry – that means you had really great sex,” he replied.
And then my laughter became contagious, and he was laughing too.
My orgasms themselves typically produce laughter – although they didn’t when I was married and having zombie sex –
When I was married and younger, I only laughed with self-stimulation. #flyingsolo #freedom
However, when I became single, the first orgasm I had as a single woman with a man who actually gave a shit about my pleasure produced laughter – that was a first for me –
I didn’t know I was going to laugh or I would have warned him. #ineedaconfidentman
Isn’t laughter supposed to be the best medicine?
Therefore, I can conclude that orgasms and laughing are powerful healers.
An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.
Here is a very sad truth, Ladies & Gentlemen: Sex researcher Shere Hite concluded a long time ago that 70% of U.S. women couldn’t experience orgasm from intercourse. Alfred Kinsey’s data suggested that up to 50% of U.S. women weren’t able to achieve orgasm at all. ¹
Thankfully, I do not fall into those categories – hallelujah!!
According to Nina Hartly, porn star and my sister sex goddess, as noted by Tim Ferriss:
“A woman has to be comfortable masturbating. If she doesn’t masturbate regularly, she’ll be more trouble baggage-wise than it’s worth.” ¹
That’s an important point for both guys and gals to notice.
As I always say, if you can’t love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to?? #flysolorules
No man can give you an orgasm. He can only help you do it yourself.
SATURDAY 5:09 A.M.
The sun was coming up. I opened my eyes. I stifled more laughter – apparently I wasn’t done yet!
I attempted to overcome the spasm and the laughter as quietly as I could.
“Goddamn – what is wrong with me???”
I stretched and got up – walked to the kitchen and looked out the window. It was a beautiful morning.
I fetched a plastic cup from the cupboard and walked to the fridge. I hadn’t used his fridge water dispenser before. It was kind of groovy. #howdoesthiswork
So I held the cup up and pushed the button – SHIT – I spilled water everywhere because the cup was in the wrong place.
I grabbed a paper towel and knelt down to wipe up the spill – yes I was still naked and now I was cleaning the tile floor.
It probably wasn’t the sexiest thing in the world, but I was by myself in a man’s kitchen – so THAT, in and of itself, was fucking sexy to me!
I stood up and tried to fill the cup again and – huzzah – success! OMG – I was so thirsty.
I walked back to the room, and he was stretching. I lay back down and we chatted a bit about nothing and then we got up.
I sneakily made the bed while he was brushing his teeth.
“Are you making the bed?” he asked from the other room.
“Um, no,” I lied.
“It looks like you’re making the bed,” he replied.
“Well, sort of, but I promise I’m doing a shitty job,” I said.
He told me I needed a toothbrush over there –
“Hmmm….,” I said, trying to be cool, while another orgasmic spasm and fit of giggles hit me. “I have an extra one at home. I’ll bring it over…”
…and then I tripped over myself and almost collided with the dresser trying to put my “free to be me” bra, giggling, and walking at the same time.
…or did he throw a toothbrush at me??? #clumsy #tripping
I’d like to break a piece of furniture during sex –
– but not the next day because I can’t feel my legs and he says something that stuns me …
Ooh, cancel that – yes I do!! 🙂
I had to pick up my daughter from her dad’s early so she could take her SAT exam in Timbuktu, so I didn’t have too much time to hang out. I had a long day ahead of me.
He said, “Let’s have breakfast before you have to go.”
I said, “Ok, but I’m not hungry. I just want coffee please.”
He agreed and handed me the coffee pot so I could fill it with water from the fridge dispenser while he added the coffee to the filter.
I was so thankful I had the earlier experience with the water fetching, so I didn’t spill any this time. #proudmoment
See? The virginity analogy played itself out again 🙂
He fixed himself a bowl of cereal while our coffee brewed. When the coffee was ready, I poured each of us a cup. #ilovecoffee
We chatted and he told me about his work – His stories are amazing.
It was time for me to go – I put my tank top on and my heels – Nothing like wearing the same clothes the next day…
…We said our “goodbyes,” and I drove away –
As I was transforming myself mentally from slutty vixen to super mom, I was high-fiving myself and laughing and pinching myself… Dying of Happiness ❤ 🙂
Did I mention that I left my body – I love that! – and this cascade of orgasms lasted so much longer than just that moment…
Orgasm is when there is no resistance – no physical or emotional blocking – to a single point of contact …
…This state naturally leads to the involuntary contractions and flushing that most associate with the word orgasm.
…it lasted well into Saturday afternoon, in fact, like when I was sitting in Starbucks or walking on the treadmill or sitting in the car –
– and a wave of extraordinarily pleasing spasms would overtake me – like aftershocks in an earthquake – #OMG
– and I would have to grab my thighs as I was writhing in this delayed response of ecstasy. #ohfuckme
SATURDAY LATER MORNING INTO AFTERNOON
This was the longest day in recent history –
I was still wearing the mini-skirt, bra, tank top from the night before (my sporty outfit was athletic wear from Fabletics – sexy and functional), but wearing tennis shoes because I went to the gym while my daughter was taking her test.
Exhaustion set in and a bit of frustration because the test took 5 hours instead of 3-1/2 …
…and with each little repeated spasm I experienced or with a memory that would float into my brain – I would laugh and then tear up…
My tears could have been because of the story my daughter told me (see The Broken Hearts Club) –
– and I was truly exhausted from my stint working in emotional porn all night-
– but tears??? Really???
What kind of fucking sap am I?? #thestruggleisreal #getafuckinggrip
You can’t separate your feelings from sex? So what? You’re a girl!
Thanks for the pep talk, Nick Miller.
Quotes above are by Wilhelm Reich, Austrian psychologist; Sam from the Fluffer episode of New Girl; Nina Hartley, porn star and my sister sex goddess; ¹Tim Ferriss The 4-Hour Body: An Uncommon Guide to Rapid Fat-Loss, Incredible Sex, and Becoming Superhuman; Mae West; Nick Miller from the Fluffer episode of New Girl;