Frenemies: Myself And I
AKA – How To Start To Lose Weight And Be Happy
The most important part of my in-person work is listening.
I listen all day long.
You’d think it would be “touching,” since I’m a massage therapist. But no, in fact – I do more listening than anything else.
I do listen with my hands as well as my ears though 🙂
I’m a certified health counselor too – It’s funny how the two come together. I understand why there is a couch in the therapist’s office.
A client lies down – and once comfortable, they tell me things. #igotdirt
The story below is not unique. I hear it so regularly that I feel compelled to share it, with the hope that we can start some sort of support group or something – #helpusall
My client Ms. Ponygirl arrived for her appointment. I asked her what was new and different this week.
Her “new and different” this week was overwhelming fatigue…needing to crawl back into bed after waking up and then taking a nap just a few hours later.
The ever present “need to lose weight,” approximately 20 pounds, was weighing heavy on her as well.
I think she was extremely concerned about each, as if both were indicative of a life-threatening health problem, but she beat herself up about both.
She was extremely agitated and frustrated by her week, and she shared (unloaded) her stories. #watchtheFbombs
She vented about work – various circumstances that occurred during the last two weeks that caused her to have too much work – so much so that she had to approach her boss about getting some help for her…
…and then family frustration…pets, boyfriend, housework…etc., etc.
As she described all of this, her frustration caused the volume of her voice to escalate.
I listened until she took a breath.
I also found a tasty trigger point in her neck that was somewhat paralyzing and forced a pause. #ilovemyjob
She then calmly said, “I think that I’m so tired because I might be coming down with something.” #denial
“The story you just told me would explain your fatigue,” I reassured her.
Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.
We dove a little deeper into the weight issue. She described staying on track with regard to her “diet” during the week but then she was “bad” on the weekends.
I said, “Please describe how you sabotage yourself. What happens on the weekend that is different during the week?”
She explained one weekend where she had a house-warming party to celebrate her yard being finished. She invited friends over and had the party catered. It was a fun time, but she ate the party food. She explained she didn’t eat too much of it and only drank half of a homemade margarita.
Hmmm…that doesn’t sound so horrible…
She said she is tired of making excuses and just needs to do it, but she also feels sabotaged by her boyfriend, who has also gained weight (20-30 pounds) since they have been together.
He likes to eat junk food. She makes him keep it in is truck so it’s not in the house because if it’s in the house, she’s going to eat it because she can’t say “no.”
She expressed guilt at asking him to not have the junk food in the house. She said that it wasn’t fair to him.
However, it’s her house, and they technically don’t live together.
She claimed that he’s not supportive because he wants to go out to eat, and he likes to have drinks, etc., etc.
She also said that she has no willpower and she can’t figure out why she can’t say “no” to her cravings.
She wondered if she was bored or tired or just hated her job…
Here’s where my out-of-the-box thinking and what I know about the human body and the “spirit that resides within” come into play.
Because it’s not about the food…not 100% of the time…
It’s not about the food, but it’s NOT not about the food.
Since this weight problem has been an issue for about a year, I asked some deeper questions.
When I go deep, I explain that I don’t need the answer for me –
It’s for her to answer for herself. Just something for her to think about and see if it applies to her situation.
…just something to break up what’s possibly buried underneath…
But she needs to explore it for herself and she needs to see what comes up.
I said, “Maybe it’s not just working too much. Maybe the work itself is also a symptom of a larger problem…”
Her anger went into a holding pattern as she listened to me.
“Perhaps there’s a bigger problem that you’re avoiding when you binge on chips and you binge on work…Something else in your life that is not quite satisfying, and you’re avoiding THAT when you binge,” I said.
She said, “I don’t know what that would be.”
I said, “If you were alone, how would you handle this situation? What would you do differently to support yourself if you didn’t have another person to blame or feel guilty for?”
She got very quiet.
And then I added the “cherry on top” of the non-sugar-coated bitchslap sundae:
“At what point did you break up with yourself?”
She didn’t say another word.
And I listened to the overwhelming sadness fill the room.
I’ve been there – Traveled on that road where I am no longer my own friend, but my own enemy.
My previous dating experience was a valuable lesson in just how this process works and what I have done to myself when I enter a relationshit that is in the middle of the zombie apocalypse –
It gave me the “aha moment” of just what I had done to myself in my marriage as well.
I broke up with myself, and I broke my own heart.
And it was not the relationshit with the guy – It was never really about that. It was all me.
Here’s what happened:
I actually had a talk with my other half (me) where I said to my beloved self:
“Look, we need to have a serious talk, Self. I’ve met someone else…
…You’re great, but he’s the jealous type – doesn’t want to share me with anyone…
…He said he would take care of me, and I’ve never had that, so you’re going to have to go, Self…
…I have to be there all the time, so I have to give up some of the things that I really love, and that means time with you, Self…
…I really want to make this thing work because I don’t want to die alone, and you’re not enough for me, Self.”
I actually gave myself the stereotypical line, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
I broke up with myself and I broke my own heart.
I knew the second I did that because I cried every day after that.
…and I found myself ensconced in dysfunction that I accepted – and actually broke up with myself to be in – and I was in the zombie apocalypse.
…and then I was too ashamed to crawl back to myself and ask myself to take me back…
…until I knew without a doubt that I was causing my own pain – until I just couldn’t take the heartache anymore…
…and until I knew that making amends and correcting the situation I had put myself in was the only thing that would save my life.
From a purely diet/body perspective, my heartache was actually causing my body to hold onto fat…
What is the role of “fat” in the body? Protection.
My body was protecting myself from the enemy that I had become to myself.
Ladies (and guys) – Have you broken up with yourself?
If you have, please take the necessary steps to forgive yourself for making a huge error in judgment and take yourself back – and love yourself.
Because until you do that – no diet will help you lose weight.
No man (or woman) will be right for you.
There will be no joyous, well-balanced, fully functional relationship (or whatever you want to call it) –
There will only be a dysfunctional relationshit filled with blame, complacency, fighting, guilt, and zombies.
…and you’ll probably be a fat zombie who moves as fast as a sloth stuck in syrup…
Where do you start?
Get back to basics:
- Take that step to love yourself.
- Write in a journal.
- Ask yourself deeper questions before you eat something – “What am I feeling?”
- Get to know yourself without judgment. Do you know what closet your skeletons are in? What do you love to do? What’s your favorite seat in the movie theater? If you were by yourself right now, how would you feel? If you could do anything right now, what would it be?
Get your body moving:
- Walking is awesome. You don’t have to kill yourself to move yourself.
- Pick up a copy of the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Workout – and then do it. It’s a great workout and you’ll learn what to do in case the zombies are hunting you down.
- Yoga and/or stretching.
Do something silly and fun:
If you want to ditch the judgment, you have to be silly and accept every nerdy thing about yourself and celebrate it!
- My buddies at Nerd Fitness suggested doing something you suck at –
- Have a crazy hair day.
- Take stupid selfies.
- PLAY like a kid!
Book some time for a chat with me
Take a moment to schedule a chat – or a few sessions:
New Client <<== Here if you’ve never met with me before
Already a client <<== Here if you already know and love me ❤
Because – maybe a non-sugar-coated bitchslap sundae is just what you need to get you out of your funk.
She called it a slap, but I called it a high-five to my face. Love is so encouraging!