Working That Pole Position:
If I Could Make It As A Pole Dancer
For anyone who’s ever won.
For anyone who’s ever lost.
And for everyone who’s still in there trying.
I have worked and earned income all of my life, well all but the first 9 years of it.
When I was old enough to start babysitting and cleaning houses, I started earning cash. #workinggirl
Earning the mighty dollar for me has been at times more powerful and alluring than a man…
…but if I could combine the two… 🙂
I have a head for business and a bod for sin.
Is there anything wrong with that?
Oh, wait, that’s already been done! #oldestprofession
I had the sweetest lawyer once – He appeared to be in his 60s, although he had been a very physically active and healthy man, so he could have been much older than that.
He gave me this advice: “You’re a beautiful, lively woman, full of spirit. Find a nice old man who will take care of you.”
I told him, “But I don’t want to get married again – that’s how I landed in this mess.”
He said, “Who said anything about getting married?”
Here’s my position on the traditional role of “being taken care of” – No thanks, I got this.
I’ve learned to ask for help when I need it, but if I don’t have independence, I will suffocate.
I find something grotesquely nauseating about being dependent upon someone else for me.
I just can’t do it. I’ve always been that way, even when I was institutionalized as a dysfunctional zombie (married).
I’ve never wanted to be a housewife or like a housewife. It’s always been tantamount to slavery. #freedomispriceless
Besides that, it’s so BORING!
However, when mommyhood arrived for me, I stepped up to THAT challenge and excelled with flying colors, although CONFESSION – it was never my lifelong dream to be a mom. #noregrets #mykidsaresoawesome
I wanted to see the world and meet people, call the shots in my own life.
But when I’m presented with a challenge, I figure out a way to make it work for me and be the best at it. #extremelycompetitive
That kind of “evolution” is awesome. I can do pretty much anything and do it quite well.
It can also get me into trouble because I will try to make a bad thing work for too long. #schoolneverends
I also bought into the “DO more to BE more” mentality. –
That is dysfunctional thinking that keeps you chained in the zombie apocalypse, and it’s incredibly challenging to overcome. #zombieslavery
Sure, I can blame my parents because they didn’t understand the value of work versus daily work.
I can blame the ex-husband whose put-downs became my mantra for living small and chained-up in the zombie apocalypse.
Or I can blame society which constantly sends mixed messages to women about our self-worth, what we should bring to the table, and how we should value our skill-sets and our dreams.
Blaming is drama queen behavior – and it’s counterproductive.
I have to BELIEVE in my true VALUE myself and then make it happen.
I had to replace the inner voices from the list above that were constantly putting me down and keeping me small, which didn’t match my strong desire for independence and autonomy…
…replace them with voices that would raise me up, keep me going, and were congruent with what I could see in myself.
Rather than playing the blame game, I set out to find mentors who would provide the inspiration I needed to light the fire in my belly.
I’ve got something in my belly, but I think it’s nervous knots.
I am not the only woman out there who has walked this path – of not knowing or owning her true worth – that in order to be truly valuable to a man or society, we have to sacrifice ourselves and our happiness. #endenturedservitude #serfsup
The other downside to being good at many things and having varied interests in a wide variety of subjects: There wasn’t a single talent or driving desire that would stand out for me that I could capitalize on.
It was always there – I just didn’t know it was a talent or something that had value and would set me apart from everyone else.
One of my professors in my higher education, Vicki Moran, gave me this advice: Play your free square.
What she meant was – find what comes very easy for you – because that’s probably your special gift to the world.
You might have to ask people who know you very well to find out what that is. We tend to dismiss talents and skills that we do daily and that are incredibly effortless for us to perform.
Sure, I want to be a stripper and a pole dancer – but those skills are not completely effortless for me – I have to practice.
I’m hoping Captain Amazing installs a pole so I can practice a lot. #practicemakesperfect
Sometimes I sing and dance around the house in my underwear. Doesn’t make me Madonna. Never will.
My mission to find mentors and create value in myself is woven into my day-to-day life. I’m always looking for opportunities and fortuitous “aha moments” that will keep my dream alive and profitable.
I had a meeting a little over a year ago with a former “lust interest” who had become a treasured mentor for me. I adored listening to him on the phone in a business meeting. #negotiationissexy
He is well-connected in the world of business – and a bit of a celebrity in my eyes – so when he gives me advice and tells me awesome things about myself, I believe it.
His voice is one of my new inner voices – because he lit that fire in my belly – in soooooo many ways! #lustandtequila
Anyway, in that meeting, we were chatting about my talents and how I could best capitalize on them. He said I was worth far more than I was getting paid.
He asked me some deep questions that I spent a year exploring: Do you think that your struggles are uniquely yours? Or do you think that other people have similar experiences?
He and I mapped out a plan to generate an income AND be an inspiration to women, which is my special talent because I don’t even know I’m doing it.
That’s my free square.
I had always WANTED TO BELIEVE it, but it wasn’t until last weekend that I OWNED IT – with a fortuitous situation that arose being stuck waiting patiently for my lovely daughter to exit her SAT exam.
I had to call my client, Ms. Pirate, to inform her that I wouldn’t be able to make her appointment with me – because I was stuck in Timbuktu.
We chatted and she graciously said that she was okay with rescheduling her appointment.
She had just returned from working 2 or so months on a sailboat (I can’t wait to hear the details), but she said that I came to mind for her a lot on the trip.
She said that she was driving home from California and she the idea for a song – something that has never occurred to her before – and she sought some wisdom as to what to do with this idea.
She asked herself, “What would Mindy do?”
… and she pulled over and wrote it down …
Holy shit!!! I’ve never been so flattered in my life!!
Thank you Ms. Pirate for being a mirror of inspiration for me too ❤
I inspired my friend Ms. Spa to begin her own blog – and she said I make her think. ❤
There is a group of women I used to play tennis with and whom my daughter knows because she plays high school tennis with their daughters. They told her what a fighter I am and how strong I am because of what I had to overcome – and what an inspiration I am – and they miss me because we had so much fun on the court ❤
So there you have it –
I might still go on to become a pole dancer and a stripper – I think with enough practice, I could be quite good at both.
Or I could just keep those as hobbies and practice because they are fun…
…and get the handcuffs out for Captain Amazing so I have a captive audience 🙂
The greatest gift though – I love my life and the people in it …
… and other people are following suit – and that warms my heart ❤
Quotes above are from the movie “Working Girl.” – It’s a classic!