Adventures In Irrational Anger
The Tale Of The Insecurity Blanket:
Unwrapping Myself From The Menzie-Induced Burrito
Ladies – Let me know if you can relate.
I don’t know how we put up with men or zombies or menzies! #thestruggleisreal
I’ve said it a million times #boysarestupid – #stupidheads
Boys are stupid #truestory
I despise feeling stupid myself. It’s paralyzing –
Therefore, I really don’t understand how boys walk around being so stupid, so content in their stupidity, and continue to function in society –
And we let them??? #wtf
Throwing more fuel to my fire is exhaustion, and there may or may not be a fat man sitting on my uterus!
This week consisted of my walk commute to work, working 12-14 hours per day, and not having a car. #walkingtherapy #sweatyhell
Kudos to Middlest though for her outstanding responsibility and champion mad driving skills getting herself to work – Suck it, Danica …
I have had absolutely no balance in my life this week – No fun, no play, no time for me – which is my own damn fault, and I accept full responsibility for that…
…and I’ve been carrying the mama-bear fury for events of last weekend, rechanneling that energy into constructive Karmic success… #powercareer #sweetrevenge
Even still, I feel like I was shot in the back and left for dead…
…just bleeding out on the side of the road…
…and then a stupid-head boy drives by and throws the Insecurity Blanket on me in an attempt to turn me into a zombie!!! #stupidhead #boysarestupid #zombiesarereal
The Insecurity Blanket is like an Invisibility Cloak because it causes me to disappear from the face of the Earth.
The difference is that the Invisibility Cloak comes off easily, and I control whether I wear it or not – like on my self-prescribed off-grid days where I choose to disappear. #goingoffthegrid
Whereas, the Insecurity Blanket is forced upon me by circumstances (or stupid-head boys), holds me down, and then turns me into a zombie. #zombieapocalypseishappening
When angry, count to 10. When very angry, swear.
It leaves a disgusting zombie film of weakness over me, and requires a great deal of my strength to throw it off.
It makes me feel vulnerable; makes me feel very strange, spidey-sense, creeped-out tingles throughout my body…feelings of dread and despair…like a free-fall inside an elevator straight to hell.
It also causes me to become very irrationally angry. #getthefuckoffme #seriouslydon’tfuckwithmetoday
This morning, I woke up to find that I had been sleeping under the Insecurity Blanket all night – after I had been shot in the back and left for dead, of course.
I tossed and turned, getting all tangled up – and I felt like crap. Specifically I felt sickening nausea, overwhelming grief, starvation, and white hot rage. #suckstosuck
I feel like I want to murder someone, and also I want soft pretzels.
I started to write a different post entirely, while I drank my coffee. #caffeineformynerves
But the Insecurity Blanket was wrapping itself tighter and tighter around me, choking me out – for no good reason! #getthefuckoffme #don’tmakemehurtyou
I looked at my silent phone and shook it. I had officially disappeared from the planet. #literallydead
I could feel the zombies closing in, and nobody was going to rescue me from this living hell. #zombiesinarizona
“Fuck this – I’m going to go hit something.”
If any of you cross me, I’m gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies! Clean off! You’ll look like Ken dolls down there!
Sweat is usually my remedy for such a situation…it typically makes the Insecurity Blanket slide off –
– and walking around with my “angry bitch face” is also helpful –
So I took myself to the gym to do my Zombie Apocalypse Survival Workout, which clearly I needed, since the zombies were trying to get me, and I had a wicked case of irrational anger. #stepoff #badasschick
I’ll push if I want to push!
I hate doors!
I gave everyone the look – “Fuck with me, and you’re dead.” #gettingmycrazyon
In my head, I was walking around looking like this: #supremebadass #iamlaracroft
At the gym, I fueled my irrational rage with the melodic screaming and heavy overtones of Breaking Benjamin– I wanted to get the fucking Insecurity Blanket off me.
I ran 8 miles, consisting of the 200-meter sprints. It was more miles than prescribed by my Zombie Survivalist Coaches… but dammit – I needed to sweat!!
I also slammed the medicine ball, which always makes me feel extraordinarily powerful.
I finally felt the anger dissipate…
…And I sat on the floor, sweaty, stronger, and satisfied.
It was like having angry sex, but I didn’t have to share it with a stupid-head boy… #boysarestupid #truestory
I was finally released from the clutches of the Insecurity Blanket. #icanbreathe
The zombies ran away in fear… #savedmyselfagain #strongwomansavestheworld #whoneedsboys
I don’t usually lose my temper, but if I get angry, it’s true – I’m scary.
QUOTES ABOVE ARE BY MARK TWAIN; NEW GIRL “MENZIES” ❤ LOVE THAT; Eva mendes