Singing Jail-Bird: Lady Sings The Blues
I was 17 years old, in my junior year of high school.
I lived in a small town in Northern Idaho at the time. By small, I mean super small. Small enough that there was one elementary school and one high school. Everybody knew everybody. #microscopicecosystem
My personality was blossoming, as was my creativity.
My “thing” was – I never wore matching socks – In the 4 years of high school, not one day did I wear a matching pair of socks. It was an awesome commitment.
Anyway, one day, I was in the girls locker room changing into my drill-team uniform, and my friend, Ms. Spice, walked in and came right up in my face – Well she was a lot taller than me, probably 5’10,” if my memory is accurate –
…and she just stared at me with rage covering her face.
“What’s up?” I said, rather innocently.
SMACK – The sound of her hand on my skin echoed in the locker room and everyone became silent and just stared, jaws dropped.
I heard a deafening ring…and felt excruciating pain over the left side of my head…
…She had taken her open palm and smacked me over my left ear so hard that my eardrum ruptured.
She began crying.
I just stood there in disbelief and shock –
Then she told everyone who was standing there about to mob her that she found out that the boy she liked (I don’t remember his name) liked me.
…and then she ran away crying… #baby
…I just stood there…and then I smiled 🙂
Three thoughts floated through my head:
- Um, she’s stupid.
- My ear hurts like mother-fucking hell.
- Sweet, he likes me!
This story is relevant because a week later, there was a MASSIVE party – Everyone from school was there, and yes there was alcohol too (ooo bad kids).
Why do you need a fake ID?
I was there with friends, and then left with friends, and then returned. It was actually too big and kind of lame…
…and then I saw the boy (I don’t remember his name).
…and well, we started making out in the back yard…
So I didn’t have anything to drink – my party foul was making out in the back yard…
…and the cops came.
The arrest was a rather long process. A few guys tried to run away into the forest, but the police managed to corral all of us dumb kids into the house and yard. They rounded up the boys first, and saved us girls for last.
I knew this because I was still making out in the back yard – He was the last of the guys to get corralled because he was busy 🙂
One by one, they handcuffed us or used the goofy plastic ties.
I ended up with three of my friends, and they used handcuffs on us and put all four of us in the back of the police car.
My cuffs weren’t on very tight, and I was able to take my hand out of the cuffs, and that made my friends laugh. #partytrick
We arrived at the police station, and the cops escorted us down to our cell.
I remember seeing about 15-20 other girls in our “new home for the night.”
We cordially greeted one another, and then the girls who were there before us told us stories about how “so-and-so” broke the Breathalyzer and saved us all from having to undergo that…
…which I didn’t care one way or the other because I was just making out in the back yard… My breath was perfect! #mintyfresh
After a while, we all got quiet.
It was really late. Honestly, it was not a pleasant experience, and I was pretty scared. #truestory
I decided at that point in our despondent silence, it would be a good time for a song…
…so I started to sing “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot…” and the other girls cracked up –
So we all started singing, and then the boys in the other cells started singing, even though I doubt we knew all the words.
It turned out to be kinda fun, and for a lame party, it certainly will be remembered.
Being bad feels pretty good, huh?
Quotes above: The Breakfast Club