Funny Things Happened

Funny Things Happened:
Funny Fun and Funny Not-So-Much

The days since returning from my body/soul cleansing in Maui have been interesting. I’ve been completely overworked – workaholism is real – with 12-hour work days, not counting computer work, very little time to write, and sprinkled with very little fun.

The rainbows are gone, and sprinkles are scarce.
Where is that f*ing unicorn??

I’m combining some stories in today’s post for a reason. Too often we have “fun” in this box over here….and we have “work” in that box over there….serious on one side…playfulness on the other side…

Our lives are not set up with this dichotomy, as evidenced by my retreat – where we were laughing and crying at the same time….dancing and singing, and dealing with seriously clogged up feeling pipes.

 

Even still, I had been able to maintain my confidence and cultivate creativity – by paying attention to little things…until yesterday…

…and here’s what has gone down…

Wednesday

My plane landed at 6 a.m. I texted my ride, my kids, and Captain Amazing, indicating that I had returned home.

The Captain’s response: “TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND.”

This actually confused me for a moment because I was communicating with my ride, Mr. Julie McCoy, who was asking me where I was.

During that moment of confusion, my stomach did a flip-flop – I thought perhaps Captain Amazing had accompanied my ride! Then reality came back to me – I realized he meant – turn around and return to Maui –

I wish I would have done that!

He also said he was looking forward to hearing my stories.  ❤

~~

When I finally got to visit Captain Amazing, his door was open for me, and I walked quietly in. He walked down the hall, smiled, and just wrapped me in his arms and kissed me for 3 whole days, just the way I like it. **sigh**

I feel so great around him. I don’t know how he does that – It’s a mystery.

He was getting ready to make himself a drink and asked if I would like one.

“Yes, please,” I said. #detoxshmetox

I shared pictures with him and told him the story of meeting Oprah. He shared his upcoming adventure plans and the places he would be scuba diving on HIS upcoming trip to Maui. I had spent one afternoon in Kehei, where he was going to be.

We went out on the patio and visited some more –

I’m repeating myself – He makes me feel so great! I don’t know how he does that –

I really don’t think he does anything at all. He just IS. …

Hmm… Are boys supposed to do something to make a girl feel great?? I mean, outside of anything orgasmic…??? 

As I was feeling all great – I said to him, “I just want you to know that I really appreciate you.”

He smiled, looked down at the ground and cocked his head to one side, and I think he actually blushed – and then he said, “I appreciate you too. You and I are going to be OK.”

Ding-dong!

I had chosen “appreciation” because he does a lot for others – and I think he receives “thanks” from some, but not from the people whom he should and from whom he probably never will. – Just my observation. Don’t tell him I said that.

So we exited the patio and entered “Pleasure Town,” my favorite city on the planet! …and then we had fun because it’s always fun –

If I recall correctly, he put me in charge of doing most of the work – However, somewhere along the way, he had taken over – fine with me – I was just rolling with it.  Weeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

“I thought you were going to do the work,” he commented out of breath.

I defended my honor – “Hey, I flipped you over.”

“Yes, yes you did,” he agreed.

The next morning, my alarm went off at 4 a.m. For some reason, I thought I had a lot to do…that long list was escaping me, so I turned the alarm off.

The sun woke me up about 90 minutes later, and then I remembered what I had forgotten – I stood up, grabbed my clothes, walked to the kitchen, fetched a glass of water, and then put my clothes on. I went into the yard and looked at the sky and took a deep breath.

I went back in, walked down the hall, and sat snuggly up against Captain Amazing and gently stroked his back. I whispered in his ear that I was going to go and that he didn’t need to get up –

He woke up from his sound sleep, looked at me, and said “What time is it?”

“It’s 5:30,” I said.

He said, “I didn’t think you’d leave for at least another hour and a half – What about morning sex?”

Oooooo goody!!!!!!

I said, “I love morning sex!!!” …and I began taking my clothes off 🙂  …and as I was stripping quickly, I added, “I just didn’t want to be in the way and disrupt your morning.” 

He told me that when I’m over, I can do whatever my routine normally is – and then we can have time for morning sex.

YIPPEE!!! I am soooo lucky! So much fun!

~~

Looking back on that – it seems like it was so long ago. It was almost 2 weeks ago. UGH! Two more to go…

All my peeps have been reading my blog – happiness – and daily I am asked how Captain Amazing is…he’s “famous” and doesn’t even know it!

One client told me, “I know you’re having great sex – I read about it every day.” 🙂 🙂

~~

Facebook Antics: Dedicated to Ms. JK

The other funny fun thing that happened occurred on Facebook – imagine that!

Professor Hottie usually posts song lyrics and other random nonsense that usually makes me laugh – and sometimes he will post a survey of sorts where he gives his audience two choices.

On that day, he posted, “Flannel shirt and jeans, or suit and tie.”

All the ladies were chiming in – and some asked, “Can I pick both?” – to which he replied, “No, you have to pick one.”

Hot muscly dudes usually look goofy in suits and ties, which are ill-fitting most of the time, and that is probably “user error” rather than suit error.

Nevertheless, when considering the flannel shirt, I was reminded of the early 1990s grunge: Dudes who didn’t smell their freshest and had long stringy hair…

So I commented with my 2 cents, obviously not following the Professor’s directions, Shirtless and jeans.”

A few minutes later, I received a private message from Professor Hottie. He said: “Like that?”

Holy crap!!!!!!!! YES, YES, YES!!!!! Pass me the wet nap, please!

hottie professor

I said, “Ooooooo I was so right??? Perfect and yummy! Thank you!”

He said, ” 😉 ”

And I thought for a second – “Just don’t delete it please 🙂 It’s hot, and I might need it on cold nights.”

…I got a thumbs up!

Ms. JK – we were prowling for hot dudes in Hawaii – I’m sharing this one with you 🙂 Enjoy, Sista!

~~

Funny Strange: Not-So-Fun But Probably Good For Me

As I stated above, during these 12-hour monster days, I had been maintaining my strong confidence, even though I had been feeling like my life was not being controlled by me…until yesterday, when my confidence dove head first into the deep end of an empty swimming pool.

I had been working on sales emails ALL F*ING DAY, planning autoresponders and sales funnels, entering web code into membership sites…I love the creative side of all that, but the technical side is physically and emotionally draining.

I had taken a few walking breaks and went out to get a hair cut, did a little grocery shopping.

I took my now weekly call from my friend and we talked about a speaking engagement she wanted me to do.

Obviously when she saw me speak, she saw “something” that made her think that I belonged on that stage.

I know it too – feel it in my bones – but doing what? saying what? I really don’t know.

She asked me what would make me unique – Why would these people see me? – I have no clue. I just know what people tell me.

What “service” from the stage could I provide a Google tech that would make him/her frantically take notes? These are people who need their creativity sparked at all times – what happens to them when they are stressed and their creativity plummets to the abyss? How do they get it back?

I deal with that every day.

I had to recall then the purpose of my work: To inspire creativity and adventure in everyday life.

For me, creativity is the essence of thriving. This last week has been incredibly challenging because I haven’t created – I haven’t unloaded the stories from my soul, which leaves me burdened with feelings of inadequacy.

…and the more I “sell” rather than “create,” the more burdened I become – the more overwhelmed I feel –

When that happens (like now), a dark hole in the corner of the universe sounds so nice.

I have 4 clients today though, so I don’t have the luxury of cocooning myself in a hole anytime soon –

– I have my eye on August 10 – a flying solo day off where I have no intention of leaving the house – where I can belong only to myself and Ms. Divine Higher Power, and the three of us are just going to chill.

It’s my carrot dangling in front of my weathered spirit…

The thing is, I know I wouldn’t fit into the Silicon Valley life. The only silicon thing in my life is Majestic Purple, but he is grateful to have escaped the valley and hang here with me where it’s fun.

I can’t compete with Eckhart Tolle – I only leave my body during orgasms.

Then again, maybe some of the 70% of orgasmless women in this country work for these tech companies in Silicon Valley.

When my creativity is shot and I’m feeling like shit about myself, I go for a walk – and I walk with purpose, erect and poised, sometimes like a super model, sometimes like a super hero – either way, I walk with confidence like I’m the BOMB (I used to teach women how to do this- It’s great exercise)…

…and I play a soundtrack to go with it – last night and this morning, I listened to Lindsey Stirling – and Shatter Me came on – Wicked Awesome!

The only thing missing was a swing-set. Sadly, this country is removing swings from playgrounds, which breaks my heart. There will soon be a generation of kids who will have never swung on a swing…never will feel that stomach drop, that pull forward…the weightlessness…the thrill…

I don’t own a television. Television ruins creativity – and it’s not necessarily the programming, but that’s a large part of it. I can’t prove this, but there is something about the device itself that affects the brain and the neurological pathways in the body – I believe that the television is a neurotoxin.

Somebody should call Bill Nye The Science Guy and ask him to investigate.

I play for fun, and I play to correct my low confidence and my creative lulls.

Look what I did above – I picked “shirtless and jeans” when it wasn’t an option and chose that over “suit and tie” – and I received a great gift!!

I don’t think a candid pic of a man wearing a suit and tie would have been quite so nice, nor would it have sparked a story.

I don’t know if Silicon Valley is ready for my black camo pants and black tank top, even though they are designed by Kate Hudson and her Fabletics team.

I think the solution to a creative crisis is to go outside and play, laugh, have fun … have a real conversation about nothing … ride a roller coaster… go on a swing …. walk through a neighborhood and say “good morning” to 10 people …

…and just say “fuck it – I don’t care what anybody thinks” –

 

 

The quote above is by me 🙂

2 thoughts on “Funny Things Happened

  1. Pingback: An Old Fashioned | Goddess of Healing

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