My True Love: It Exists!!
Dating is daunting for those who are not ready to enter the arena.
Although it’s a lot like becoming a parent – You’re never actually ready.
Even Disney gets it – finally – that in these times when we turn 16, we are not going to be swept away by Prince Charming who is 18 and who is going to rescue us from spinsterhood and early death, being eaten by wolves, so that we can live happily ever after.
In order to get what you want, whether it is marrying Prince Charming or avoiding Count Dracula, you need to understand what you want, to write it down, and to express it.
Let’s take it a step further – Answer the question, “Why”?
Why do you want that?
And then ask “why” again, followed by “what does it look like?”
If you don’t end up crying, then you’re not going deep enough. And that itself should be an “aha moment” for you, which we should really address.
True love is deeper than that – I know – I have it…
I have true love in my life. #somuchwin
…Are you on the edge of your seat?? Are you thinking something about Captain Amazing??? #suspense #sexualtension
My True Love Is…
…with my kids.
You may think it’s a bit of an ass-backwards way to figure out what you want from the opposite sex in a loving friendship/relationship/loveship, whatever you want to call it.
However, with kids, there is no bullshit. It’s simple and intuitive.
We are human, and I’ve studied behavior and communication on the most basic of levels through these amazing people.
But I have had to be a confident trailblazer and be very daring to get what I want from the relationship that I have with them.
I also have to mention that we do not own a television. And I do not buy them every little new toy that comes out on the market…never have…We own more books and movies than anything else.
…including the complete collection of Calvin & Hobbes…
At Christmas, they would rather DO something together than GET something.
We give each other memories – They last longer than material things.
Just because we are family, doesn’t mean that “true love” is automatic – That is not a “given” –
Sure, there was definitely a seed planted, but the “true love” had to be nurtured to blossom and grow.
As I take you through this journey of love, I have an important caveat: I do not have a “traditional” relationship/friendship/loveship with my kids.
Their friends even recognize this – Because my kids can talk to me about anything, and I mean anything – and they do! #somuchwin
Note to parents: Their friends speak of wanting our kind of relationship with their moms and dads – Just saying.
**My kids are so proud and honored to have a special relationship with me – They show it off!
They wear me proudly on their arms, ask me on dates, and want to be with me.
These are the communication/behavior goals and ‘codes’ I have always had in place in my piece of peace with my slices of heaven:
- I respect and support each kid for his/her individuality and his/her talents – and I encourage them to bring forth their talents.
- I treat them like human beings and communicate with them like human beings. By communicate I mean that we have conversations – A conversation is not a lecture – It is not nagging or bitching or complaining. It is a two-way street and I adapt to their language so that we keep this channel open all the time.
- We listen. I love their stories.
- We use positive language and positive redirection and reinforcement.
- There is no judgment.
- Our home is safe, especially to speak freely.
- Our home is peace – as stress-free as we can make it.
- We have fun, play and create.
- We appreciate, trust, and honor each other
- We allow and encourage growth and change.
We have been nurturing these directives for nearly 20 years, making modifications and adding items as we’ve needed to – This is who we are.
Now that they’re teens, there isn’t much work left to do – so we play a lot more.
Our conversations get deeper and get funnier – I love being with US.
We are not perfect. I have to get on them about laundry and maybe dishes. They can get on each other’s nerves and we need to resolve conflicts sometimes. We are people.
Let me point something out, in case the “aha moment” is not happening for you.
I know that I have true love with my kids, and they have true love for me – And we love each other truly (love is a noun and a verb, so we should have it ALL) – And they love each other too – going on sister-sister dates and sister-brother dates…it’s amazing!
…and I know that these fundamentals are in place and fostering this true love…
…and if “true love” is what you seek from the opposite sex, then please, read the list above again and understand it – starting at the **- and then substitute “kids” with the noun that appropriately represents whom you want to love.
Because what is true for the “true love” that exists for me with the model above in place…
…should be the model for all friendships/relationship/loveships – whatever you want to call it, especially with the opposite sex. #duh
It’s simple but not easy … and yes, I’ve had my own “aha moments” with regard to this very topic.
Let’s go back to the beginning then – What do you want? Why do you want it? and Why again? and What does it look like?
Remember, the only change you can make is with yourself –