I’m sitting on the edge of a deeply skewed reality (delusion technically) while facing an illusion, a dream…A list of them really.
I’ve known for the last year that THIS LAST YEAR was pivotal in making me whole. I’ve known for the last many years, really since the night I “died” in October 2007 that I’ve been broken.
Not just broken in half, like I originally thought. I’ve been shattered into a thousand pieces.
I created the delusion of happiness for my survival so that I could put myself back together. But it’s like putting together a hollow chocolate bunny.
It’s that I don’t have substance or depth – I just haven’t been COMPLETE or whole. And I’ve lived in that skewed reality for soooooo long that I don’t remember anymore what it’s like to be a whole person – and that scares me.
Two weeks ago, we sat in the Dream Room at my awesome work place. To call it “work” doesn’t really capture what this place is and what we do. It’s like Disneyland for business – and nerds 🙂 We have a Dream Room – nuff said.
My team had a dream session with our dream manager: Goal – to dream…and to dream BIG…get outside our comfort zones…then reconvene 2 weeks later with a list of dreams so we can take the next steps to making them come true. #WishUponAStar
I started making my list, and anytime a certain dream made me uncomfortable (i.e. “that’ll never happen”) I wrote it down. Prior to last Friday, October 29, my list looked like this:
- Youngest, Middlest, and Oldest to be able to travel with me and to be able to come to Rocky Point with Captain Amazing and me.
- Make $100,000 annually and keep growing that until (see the third item).
- Fix my shoulder.
- Create the business that Captain Amazing and I always talk about – and that business earns over $13,000,000 in revenue annually and ultimately monthly.
- Captain Amazing manages my wealth, and it earns enough money from his mad skills that I don’t have to work anymore, but I still want to because I love what I do.
- Walk The Camino – Round Trip
- Plan, attend, lead other retreats worldwide.
- New Car that I OWN – and 1 for Middlest and 1 for Youngest …Plus a fun car that I own…no payments…and someone I can rely upon to handle all of the maintenance on it so that I don’t have to worry about that stuff.
- Play tennis again consistently.
- Employee of the month.
- A new position at work created for me 🙂
- Write, publish, and sell my books –
- A “Personal Team” – in which it’s a family but without the traditional headaches of a family – Completely new invention of what a “family” is and what a “couple” is: with a new house with a “man cave” and “woman cave” for private time for the adults…further defined as the blog has been laid out (See My Radical Views of Relationships, Voices And Other Things In My Mouth)
- House on a beach (beaches)
- House on a lake North to escape the summer heat.
- Bodyfat percent of 18% because I lift weights appropriately, do an appropriate amount of cardio, have a personal trainer that I see every day, and a personal chef who plans out my food so I don’t have to do it.
- True Confession: Pose in Playboy when I turn 50 (I wrote that gem down when I was 18) – Although I’d like to do that the first time at age 47 and then be a recurring guest.
- Spend more social time with people that I like on a consistent basis.
- Restore my neural pathways to undo traumatic damage.
- Equine therapy (although I think I’d be really outstanding at this)
- Travel the world – seeking adventure, but also writing about it, podcasting about it. Maybe for a whole year (depends on the formation of the PERSONAL TEAM and how the Monthly Revenue shakes out – because I want them on these journeys)…
- Retreats – this has been a recurrent dream that is currently in negotiation with one of my clients. I tried to get that off the ground as a business, but I was in “desperation” mode, and dreams don’t come true in “desperation” mode.
- Plan more vacation and more time off so that I can have more of a life.
- Continue to add to this list
- Be a public speaker – Ted Talk and Wisdom 2.0 – More importantly, The Moth.
- Go to Turkey for Maya’s detox program – Attend her certification in Kundalini Yoga.
- Go to a 4-week intensive fitness, yoga, mega healthy retreat.
- Go to Bali and write with Mastin Kipp
- The winning lottery ticket for the carpool duo.
I put some of the things in motion as I was writing them down. Ironically last Friday, my car broke, to the point that it may be totaled. I think the trauma was internalized.
Captain Amazing rescued me – so good!
I’m now carpooling to work, spending quality time with someone I like very much, and with whom I can have elevated discussion.
I am close to picking up enough clients to satisfy the extra $50,000 I need to hit the $100,000 annual, so now I’m growing that.
I did reach out to my tennis coach, but I had to cancel that lesson. Regrouping on that one.
And then…I found out that I’d been nominated for employee of the month – While I didn’t win ultimately, the magical list is doing it’s thing.
…to be continued…