Walk Of *135 Miles

* Results May Vary ūüôā

I sat across the table from my “Navajo” Spirit-Guide for the second time as we entered phase 2 in preparation for my spirit-walkabout. We were at Jason’s Deli, where I was eating my leaves, seeds, veggies, and quinoa. He was showing me the Navajo ways of relationships – which I found fascinating considering that those are my ways as well, from a deep intuitive space.¬†He was also teaching me how to walk in the world, on my journey.¬†

It’s a journey that I’m taking to fully exit the “old” ways and enter my¬†new way of being, engaging and walking on the planet.

There are a few people who are not fans of this, one who is but also isn’t, and a few others who agree with me that I need to do this.

Captain Amazing is the one on the fence – not because he doesn’t believe in me but because when I hatched this plan, he and I were both under such insurmountable stress that I was shedding tears¬†every time a breeze blew by my face, and he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

We were just trying to reach the promised land Рof the career growth and life enhancement we both wanted for ourselves and each other but seemed to be blocked by many obstacles. 

And that stress has been¬†enough to end any other friendship/datingship/relationship thing but not ours, although there have been¬†some tears and awkward moments…However, through this experience, we have solidified¬†our faith in our friendship/datingship/relationship thing, even though we are not any closer to defining it or labeling it for the outside world to understand, and even though there was a brief period BCC (Before Career Change) when we were talking about talking about it.¬†

—————————————————————————————————————-

Captain Amazing reluctantly loaned me his backpack and some gear to head out into the wilderness on my own.

“What’s he going to provide for you,” CA asked, referring to my “Navajo” Spirit Guide.

“Um, we are going to go over what food to bring, and he said I need a water filter,” I replied. I was too tired to think coherently while he was gearing me up.¬†

He just looked at me like I was an idiot and like he was worried about me and for me. 

The original plan was scattered, I’ll admit, and I was definitely winging it, so I could understand his concern. But I also knew I desperately needed to get outside, get away, find myself, be alone with myself, as if my life depended on it, which was¬†ironic considering I’ve been incredibly lonely.¬†

Being in solitude and being lonely are two entirely different things. Loneliness occurs when there is no intention of being alone – and it can happen when you’re with people or not.

Oneness is intentional. 

 

He weighed the pack – 43 pounds. He said, “When we did the Grand Canyon, your pack was about 29.”

“I can handle it,” I said.

Again, he looked at me like I was an idiot and like he was worried about me and for me.

I knew that my Navajo Spirit-Guide was going to unload most of the pack anyway, especially once I got my hands on a water filter. However, I wanted CA to feel like he was “fixing” my problem because he’s a real man – and the realest man I’ve ever had. It is necessary that I honor his role in my life.¬†

“Don’t you have any girl friends you can do this with?” he asked with caring concern.¬†

“Nobody I know would do this, and I need to be alone. I’m not trying to be a hero or prove that I can “survive” with just a knife and matchstick out there,” I replied. “I’ll be smart.”

FEAR CREEPS IN

While trying to cure my loneliness, I had joined some Meet-Up groups so I could wander places with people, perhaps meet some people who are just as crazy as I am, so that when Captain Amazing is not available to play with me, like next week, I can still be social. 

I attended a few hikes, and then an invitation crossed my email which read “Tragedy” – UGH! Some members of one of my new hiking groups were struck by lightning in the Grand Canyon.¬†

The only thing I fear on my walkabout is the weather. 

I still hadn’t solidified a map or plan in my head as to how the whole adventure was going to shake down or what exactly I needed to give myself.¬†

I knew I needed to walk a lot of miles outside, without music or noise; to exercise beyond what I’ve been able to do in the last year; to sleep and rest; to journal — all to prepare myself mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically for my new challenge that starts on July 13th.¬†

And it is my final week to do it. 

I originally wanted to be out in the wilderness for a full 5 days. But I had too many things to do at home still…

So I modified the dates and my intentions. My spirit journey will begin a few days earlier than originally planned, with a 15-mile walk locally followed by a workout, rest, pool, journaling.

My days will continue in this manner for 6 days, when my Navajo Spirit-Guide will take me to the wilderness and begin the first phase of the ceremony. I will learn to make my own shelter; what plants I need to eat; where I need to go for water, rest, walking, solitude. On the final day, my Navajo Spirit-Guide will return for me and we will complete the ceremony. 

I will have designed my new Mandala Рwhat defines me in my role on the planet and with my tribe and my community. I will have walked approximately 135 miles. 

I will have my perspective and my soul back.

WHERE DID THEY GO?

It’s very difficult to end a relationship service business. These are people I have grown to know and care for over many years, many of whom I saw once a week or twice a month…and now I don’t see them.¬†

There are some I would like to remain seeing but with different roles Рnot as client/therapist, payer/payee Рbut as friends. 

My brother and his wife moved – the only family I had here in Arizona besides my kids – my son moved out; Middlest graduated from high school and is moving out next month. That’s a lot of “people” change.

In my attempts to step away from the massage business so I could grow into something bigger and better for my whole self, I encountered other like-minded people who wanted the same. It was exciting! I was willing to put myself out there to create joint ventures with them. But they are gone now too. 

My introspection has led me to this conclusion:
1) I have extraordinarily high expectations when it comes to work.
2) Perhaps I have not been as vested or as patient as I have believed myself to have been when working with others. 

I would love to “blame” the others for disappearing, but when two different ventures within the span of a year just crumble into dust, and the common denominator is ME, then I can only conclude the problem is with ME, not them.¬†

However, it is not easy saying, “You know, this just isn’t working. I need more help, more support, an equal partner, and I’m just not receiving that.” It’s even more difficult when I’m not even able to say those things because the other person is not available.¬†

I lead by example wherever I can; however, I’m a really shitty manager. I am wayyyy ok admitting that. I do too much. I have too many ideas and not enough boxes to put them in. I chase shiny objects.¬†

That’s probably why Happiest Little Boy and I get along so well and why we love each other soooooo much – we have the same attention span!

Nevertheless, I’m the queen, nay Goddess of Adaptation and making bad things work, which is a blessing and a curse, so I will persevere.¬†

To that end, I entered the arena of finding an established team to work with me, one that will pay me generously for my knowledge, skill set, and talents. And I found it. The inside of the building is as colorful and creative as me. It’s like Disneyland for marketing and software.¬†

I sat in the lobby waiting for my third interview to start. I watched my future teammates enter the building – Happy – and dressed casually (I don’t have to go shopping to work here!) – and they were happy. They smiled and greeted one another…

I found my work people and environment where I can be myself and be my driven self; hold myself accountable; and honor my competitive nature, my love of learning, teamwork, growth, opportunity, and creativity. 

And they have welcomed me to the team, to their culture.

Even better, my teammates are held accountable by someone else and by¬†something else bigger than me (and NOT by me directly), so I don’t have to worry if someone is going to show up for me. If that person doesn’t, someone else will step in and be there.¬†

It will be quite a change for me to enter Corporate-Land, but I do believe the structure will cure me of my SOD (Shiny Object Syndrome) because I will create new adventures with and for each client I work with, so I can give away my ideas and yet get paid for them, and I won’t have to put them into boxes for myself. It’s really exciting.¬†

Day #1 in my new daily environment is July 13th.

——————————————————————————————————————

I’ll be writing about this adventure and letting go of a lot of shiny objects. If you need a shiny object, I have one for you.

 

Career Aspirations – Part II

As of today, May 24, 2015, I have 4 massages left to finish up my massage therapy career. It’s been something I’ve been planning for over a year. It’s terrifying!

And explains my conspicuous absence from the blog I love so very, very much.

As I rekindle my fond love affair with myself and my blog, I have to share something rather “special,” possibly “special needs,” which I CAN say and remain within the realm of political correctness since my son is special needs.

I have co-created Wild Women Of Wellness, where I have finally determined the new word – opposite of relationshit, which is “real”ationship. We have created an 8-week online program, with a musical theme, much like a Broadway Show, and the greatest idea I’ve ever had coming to life – a true “choose your own adventure” and story book that you write yourself, to heal yourself.

As I developed this idea and brightened the light bulb over my head, which was more like a neon bar sign, and worked with my Infusionsoft coach, I discovered I found a big corporation that I actually have an affinity for.

And the more I learned, studying every video I could get my hands on, the more I thought – “I would work for this company.”

So I took a big giant step toward that, went to their website, and discovered they are hiring – oooo lucky me. Of course, I had to pull up my old job application from last year, so they can see that I’m not a one-off.

I shared the company and the video of their culture with Youngest, who said, “Wow, you’d do so good there.”¬†

So I went through the questions. I didn’t copy them because I didn’t know I would be posting this, but I’ll try to remember the best I can. (IQ=Infusionsoft Question. MA=My Answer)

IQ: 1. If you could be a cereal, what would you be?

MA: I would love to be a Froot Loop because I’m goofy, fruity, and colorful. However, I’m not artificial anything. I’m as REAL as it gets.

I could be Frosted Flakes because I’m GRRRRREAT! And if a tiger wearing an ascot describes me with such enthusiasm, that’s just awesome.

I’m definitely NOT Cinnamon Toast Crunch¬†because I am not a cannibal.

Youngest offered a suggested question, which I did put into my application. If we are going for REAL here, then let’s do it – Go BIG or go home!

She suggested they simply ask: “Marvel or DC? If so, why.” …and then not hire anybody who says DC.

There were questions asking me how I encourage others to live their dreams, and well that was like asking me how I breathe in and out every day. Nobody should work like in an environment like Joe Versus The Volcano or live in the Zombie Apocalypse.

Here is the recap from last year. Enjoy.

I have to finish the mind-map and links for my technical work of art that combines hiking and adventure retreats with Hero’s Journeys and lots of feeling words.

========================================================

In true daring, confident cat form – and to launch my writing exposure
and prowess, I responded to an email, in which the sender said he
was hiring.

I love working for myself, but working online and writing every day on
subject matter that I’ve been studying my entire life for someone else
and having the chance to learn and hone my internet marketing skills –

Well, I just couldn‚Äôt sit around and think, ‚ÄúGee, I might not get it.‚ÄĚ

No, in my true daring confident cat form, I responded – I was going to
make sure that Mr. Publisher noticed me.

His initial call to action was this:
================================================

Subject: We are HIRING — have what it takes?

We are HIRING!

If you are interested in part-time or potentially full time employment in
my e-publishing company, working from the leisure of your own home,
working your own hours and being part of a GREAT team, we want to
hear from you!

Please take the time to read through the job description and be 100%
certain that this is something you would be interested in BEFORE
applying.

We are looking for PASSIONATE people!

=================================================

He went on to list the qualifications and tasks required, which I will
share with you in my response, so you don’t have to read everything
twice. ūüôā You‚Äôre welcome!

Here is my reply, which I sent from my Ipad (note the signature):

================================================

Subject: RE: Do I have what it takes?

Yes Mr. Publisher- I most certainly do have what it takes. You asked for
one paragraph; however, the eye flows with white space, so I’ve broken
that paragraph into smaller pieces.

Let’s take a little walk, shall we?

Please step into my “office.” As a female entrepreneur, massage therapist,
former personal trainer, and writing/marketing goddess, I am absolutely
qualified to assist your operations manager.

I have the talent, skill, and passionate enthusiasm to undertake your
requests and go the extra mile.

I am fully committed to the transition from one-on-one client inspirational
work to magnifying my online presence and income potential through writing,
affiliate programs, social media, and amplifying my overall presence through
speaking engagements.

With this exciting opportunity you are offering me, we can create a successful
relationship that will support each of us in aspiring to new heights in our
businesses.

Please have a seat.

I have attached my wonderful resume, which you can sit back and peruse
at your leisure. You can also read some of my blog posts.

I am going to fetch some coffee. Would you like some while you read? No?
OK, I know how busy you must be with this request you sent out.

Have a very lovely day, Mr. Publisher. I’m looking forward to chatting
with you more!

~Mindy Neal, aka The Goddess of Healing.

PS

I’ll go over each of the qualifications, just so you have that for your records.
My responses are in red.

РEnglish as first language Р yes, baby talk actually being first.
РInvolved in fitness Р yes, fitness nut, cross-fit competitor and former certified personal trainer.
– Able to write persuasive emails and has good copywriting skills.¬†“Come with me if you want to not die.” ¬†– borrowed that line from the Lego Movie ūüôā
РVery attentive to details.  Nearly OCD, in a good way.
– Extremely organized. My folders are in folders.
– Responsible, reliable and trustworthy. I depend upon myself and¬†I’m the mother of three (one autistic) teens. ¬†I’ve also handled thousands¬†of dollars in cash in former professions.
– A good team player.¬†“Team” is my middle name. Not really, it’s Sue,¬†but don’t tell anyone.
– Eager to learn and improve your skills. Yes!!!
РAble to accept constructive comments and feedback while staying positive Yes, I can take a deep breath and look at situations from all angles.
РFast learner and being able to adapt to different situations on a regular basis. Very adaptable.
– Able to follow instructions. Are they illustrated?
– Knowledge of WordPress, GetReponse and Aweber (or other mailing
provider), and standard programs like Word, Excel and Powerpoint.
I haven’t used GetResponse, but the others YES – I have also used¬†Constant Contact and Mail Chimp.
– Graphic Design skills an asset. I make my own pins on Pinterest.

– Sent from my tablet of awesomeness –

==============================================

By the way, I got the job ūüôā

Living Bigger

The original working title for this post was “Dreaming Bigger” –

But dreaming is not big enough anymore – The dreams are here right now, so LIVING BIGGER is where it’s at!

I have launched HUGE changes in my life –

These huge changes have meant tight schedules, deadlines, working more, socializing less (not at all), no vacations, and no breaks.

Where is the fun and the chill????

Fun and chill were locked away in the Holiday Gloom ūüė¶

As a result, I put myself quite low I on my own priority list.

It’s time for a little chat with myself:¬†“Self, please take your own advice and put yourself first.”

~~

During the weekend, Captain Amazing so BRAVELY provided me with as much support as I would allow him to provide after my son moved away from home Рand various other things Рa huge volume of minutia.

Captain Amazing said, “It sounds like things aren’t going so well.”

Actually, things are going very well…but with any EPIC adventure, there are rough patches. I just hit a rough patch.

I tried to logically explain these feelings to him…of feeling out of control, of wanting to run away…

I’ll talk about anything. Anyone who knows me knows this fact. However, I’m able to separate myself enough that I’m not really attached – I’m not intimate with the conversation, and my own personal feelings don’t really come up.

It’s so easy to say it to a crowd, but it’s so hard, my love, to say it to you out loud – Florence & The Machine from No Light, No Light

He bravely asked if I was comfortable with him –

Holy shit, what kind of question is THAT???

Of course, I have been thinking about such things, especially during the abysmal holidays, when my role in other people’s lives becomes quite obvious –

It’s a minor bit-part; I’m actually not in the scene during those times because I’m unattached.

Thankfully, I’m not as low as an understudy (so that’s good – I get to play myself in the show).

I’m unskilled at telling a man how important he is to me without the implication or pressure that I need or expect more than what we have, and at the same time, ensuring him that I’m not going anywhere –

…to provide the freedom AND stability with both need and want – We are inventing something new, and it’s scary sometimes.

I’m riding this adventure out, like I did on my great Hawaii adventure in 2013, without an agenda and without expectations.

As I’m doing that, however, I’m keenly aware of new feelings – Like I miss him sometimes (don’t tell him I said that).

I loathe that feeling so much. It makes me feel powerless and wreaks havoc with my confidence.

“Missing people” has not happened much in my life. I just don’t “miss.” I can count on 1 hand the number of people I have missed in my life (grouping my kids as a unit) –

When I miss my friend Tisha, it’s different – because she died. Neither of us can control that…I just become sad, without wondering about subtext or context.

And there is another feeling that comes up for me with CA –¬†“nurturing” – Don’t know why…but there it is.

We have a great time together – I look forward to his company AND to our sexual adventures – and I’m still very happy and satisfied to take the whole friendship/datingship as it comes –

We have an affinity for each other that I don’t see going away in this lifetime, and I believe it has spanned many lifetimes before.

Nonetheless, some of the shit coming up for me right now is related to the timing of where I am currently¬†with him and “feelings” – and the fact that it’s January, when 2 years ago I was entertaining¬†another man – who is, incidentally, my business partner currently.

Oh, the tangled web I weave!

So these giant leaps of faith I’m taking (personally and professionally) require me to hold hands with my two favorite men – the two men who have been the greatest influences, the most amazing heroes of my life…

– and who have both left me at one point … by myself, unexpectedly abandoned.

While I’m not afraid of being alone or of mending a broken heart – I am terrified of the abrupt nature of how both those events went down – just like the end of my marriage – I didn’t see it coming.

That’s the part that scares me the most – feeling so stupidly unaware – and that I may not have been as connected as I thought I was.

That’s the feeling I have to meditate and breathe through…because I also don’t want to worry about such things. That is not living in the moment, nor is it LIVING BIGGER.

It’s too small for me – that’s putting myself in a cage –

So I have to believe in the intangible and stay the course – and take leaps of faith –

It’s like jumping with a parachute that has no strings – and then depending on these fine men to keep me attached to that parachute…

I can make that analogy and take that jump because they both came back…happily so…on their own terms…

…and they have made my life so much better.

I know that I’m very lucky indeed. I am very grateful – Namaste to my heroes.

~~

On Tuesday, the sun came out (YAY), and I had the opportunity to walk commute:
A 9-mile round trip – and it was delightful.

I walked in the sun, no sleeves, listening to some Disney princess songs, of course singing out loud because I can.

However, when I left the studio at 7:30pm, it was dark. The last time I can remember walking a significant mileage in the dark, other than my shorter walks to Starbucks at 5am, was Hawaii 2 years ago.

hawaii

As I began my journey home from work, I pulled up the music I listened to from that trip to Hawaii – A lot of Florence and the Machine – and I was whisked back to that great adventure!

The memories hit me like a tidal wave РLike my first steps in the ocean at 4:30am under a nearly full moon while listening to Cosmic Love  РIt was amazing!

That whole solo adventure was freedom at its finest!

It was diving into the unknown, living unplanned, without a schedule, without an agenda (other than to have an EPIC adventure), without anybody expecting or demanding anything from me Рexcept for ME.

…and my demands were simple – BE, BREATHE, EXPERIENCE.

It was truly the greatest adventure I’ve ever given myself.

The memories were so powerful and so ingrained in my soul, it felt like I was there again. I could actually smell Hawaii on Scottsdale Road.

During¬†my walk home from work that night, listening to Florence and experiencing¬†the feeling that I was back in Hawaii – I decided to spend the month of January 2015 pretending like I’m on a great adventure in a vast unknown land.

Wednesday: One of my beloved clients called in sick – so I had 2.5 hours unexpectedly available in the middle of my day…

…Hmmm…what should I do with that chunk of time??

As I pondered this great opportunity, I put my headphones on and fired up Spotify. They recommended a new playlist, and so I listened to that on my walk to Whole Foods to purchase my cleansing/detox food/juice for the day.

“Don’t Stop Believin” by Journey was on the list – Great song – (Youngest and I had just been talking about this song a few days ago) –

“Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world.
She took the midnight train going anywhere..”

That’s how I feel when I get overwhelmed, so bogged down by the enormity of the volume of minutia that I just want to run away, go anywhere, to just feel free…so I can breathe…so the weight isn’t so heavy.

By letting go of control like that Рfeeling truly free РI actually feel more in control of my life and my decisions.

So I asked myself what I needed…sunshine??…outdoors??…

…and then I craved a mountain…

I packed my bags for the day and went to work – saw my first client, and then headed to the mountain.

gateway1

I think it hit 80 degrees – My favorite temperature – and I ran and walked, passing others on the hike.

…and I felt free…

gateway2

 

~

On January 13th, I am speaking at Grand Canyon University.

It is¬†the students’¬†final class, and they are putting together a strategic plan,¬†figuring out what they want to do, what their passion is – mission, vision and values.

The professor invited me to do this so I can spark their imagination.

My public speaking consists of teaching exercise and musical theater, so the students may end up doing push-ups and singing “Agony.”

The professor used my Lego Gandalf picture and my jackhammer picture, along with the biography on my blog to introduce me to his students.

This may seem like such a small step – but it’s a giant leap – To declare my CREATIVE SELF to the Universe – and inspire other people to do the same – YIKES!

I’m not nervous about the speaking engagement – It’s the leap itself.

It’s daunting and overwhelming. I’m diving into the unknown again, but not on a “vacation” – in REAL LIFE, both professionally and personally…

These leaps of faith are the biggest AND scariest I’ve ever taken…

…on the other hand –

Say Geronimo!

 

New Year 2015

Happy New Year!

At least, I’m imagining happiness – since 2014 ended the same way it began – without a party, a kiss, a celebration or sex – Pathetic.

However, all is not lost – and while I have no sex planned in the immediate future – until a week from Monday that I know of for sure (again pathetic) – I have lots of work planned.

Why does that make everything ok? 

It doesn’t, unless there is money attached to it…

…so¬†I’m rechanneling my optimism.

be more awesome

 

I present¬†the highlights of the very end of 2014 and the brighter-lights of what’s to come in 2015.

Here’s to being¬†prepared for anything…or at least being prepared to be prepared for anything.

On the day before the last day of 2014, I had an unusual day that resulted in seeing 2 clients I hadn’t planned for and a KILLER leg workout designed and expertly coached¬†by Ms. Sherrie¬†after a 4.5-mile walk to work with 20 pounds on my back.

Tim Ferriss emailed me also – FINALLY – telling me that he’s hiring a managing editor and would I fit the qualifications – If so, please apply….so I did.

I did that for 3 reasons:

(1) Because I am qualified and I can.
(2) If I get it, great! What an awesome opportunity to dive into the deep end of a larger audience and fancy nerdy internet gadgets and to work with someone I admire.
(3) If I don’t get it, I still did something that most people won’t step outside of their comfort zone to even attempt – put myself out there.

He asked me if I could handle tight deadlines and sticky situations – and if so, how?…

That’s like asking me if I breathe and if so, how.

My life is a multitude of tight deadlines, managing hundreds of clients, my kids’ schedule, writing deadlines, technical glitches, etc.

How do I do it?

I breathe and I get shit done…There is no other option.

It’s difficult to create a hypothetical situation from nothing…although I have just completed that task – Over 7 pages of a “new member” discovering the business that Mr. KC and I are creating.

However, Tim requested that it be under 300 words.

I remember once, a long time ago, Captain Amazing asked how I would react if I walked in and saw another woman there.

There are too many details and variables omitted from that scene to even speculate: Who is the woman? What is she doing? And what are you doing? etc., etc.

I responded with a pause and then said, “That really depends. First, I would never come over without being invited, nor would I enter your house without your knowledge, so the fact that you would be expecting me – and it sounds like that situation would be a surprise to me¬†– I would probably feel disrespected – or I might want to join…I just don’t know…again it would depend¬†on my mood and what I saw …and why I was coming over in the first place…”

He listened…

I added…“But I don’t contemplate such things because that’s not living in the present moment – And it causes me to live in fear and anxiety about something that may or may not ever happen, and I won’t do that to myself…”

“so I’m not going to worry about that happening¬†unless or until that happens.”

He said, “Fair enough.”

So for Tim, I kept my answer about the same – I’ll handle it – with grace and charm – without panic or stress but with enough priority placed on the task at hand, that whatever is happening will be resolved – PERIOD.

Again, how do I breathe? I just do.

There is always a Plan A and a Plan B РI do think about things without judging the situation, but really I take care of the problem, learn from it, and move on.

~

When I arrived home from work, I put my pajamas on, ate a bowl of oatmeal, and fell asleep on the floor with my kids…I think it was 8pm…and my legs were already sore.

~~

On the last day of 2014, I had the great pleasure of walking 9 miles with very sore quads, in 40-degree rainy weather. My hands froze because I was holding the umbrella…

It was my commute to work and back – to see 3 of my favorite clients – I have a lot of favorite clients, with even more to come…

I wore my knit beanie cap all day because it was just THAT cold.

After I walked¬†home, I¬†drove Middlest to her New Year’s Eve party, returned home again, put my pajamas on, and cranked the heat.

I prepared a hot apple cider spiked with Fireball – delicious – and …ZZZZZ… again, right around 8pm.

I set my alarm for 9, thinking that I just needed a nap.

Youngest came in at 8:45 and said I received a text from Captain Amazing. He was wishing me a Happy New Year – and was doing it early because he was going out and turning his phone off so he didn’t get a bunch of drunk texts…

…I texted him him back and went back to sleep. The alarm went off at 9. I turned it off and told Youngest to wake me up before midnight …

…she was knitting me a new beanie cap…

(Here are her efforts – Outstanding – She knitted the scarf too)

beanie hat

At 11:55, she woke me up, and we counted down the New Year … and back to bed I went…

Earlier that day on Twitter, I created an ideal New Year’s Eve agenda that involved many drinks and lots of sex …

Sadly, that didn’t happen…

Maybe next year …

By the way, in my lifetime, I have NEVER celebrated the New Year with a man¬†I am involved¬†with (except during marriage a small handful of times, but by midnight, we weren’t speaking to each other, so it really doesn’t count)

..and NEVER EVER with a kiss at midnight.

– I’m going to have to stop hoping for that to happen. I just don’t think it’s in the cards for me.

New-year-eve-kiss-e-card

~~

THE NEW YEAR CHANGES

I spent much of the Christmas holiday working – yes on deadlines and tedious schedules – …I created plot lines and developed characters…

…because I have an exit strategy launched…

I’m boldly going where I’ve only dreamed about going. And I’m not sure what it looks like exactly…but I know that it’s going to be great.

Resolutions? I don’t believe in those because I solve problems as they arise – and I strategically plan.

Hopes and dreams? Yep – lots – And their fruition has been strategically planned – with enough wiggle room and flexibility to go with the flow…be prepared for anything…or at least be prepared to be prepared for anything.

What are they?

1. Books published – along with the creation of the persona that defines the main character and the word she¬†lives in. I don’t half ass things, and when I pull off the plan that is inside my head and written in my notebook, it will be unlike anything that I’ve ever known to have been done before – EPIC!

I don’t know how other authors feel about their books as they are writing them – but this is how good I believe my stories to be –

I’m so excited to finish writing my books …
so I can read them. 

I think that really says something about what I’m creating.

2. Launch my EPIC¬†business with Mr. KC – It’s really launched already. We’ve been working very hard on it, and today we are working on design elements, budgets, presentations.

3. Schedule more speaking engagements. I have one scheduled, January 13th at Grand Canyon University.

4. …cliffhanger… ūüôā¬†

Happy New Year!

hny

 

 

Dumbbells & Dragons Podcast

calvin reality

Today, I was interviewed by Ken and Ted of Dumbbells and Dragons. Please follow them on Twitter @DumbbellsDragons, Facebook – nerdastic time!

Now I can say that I’ve been interviewed OFFICIALLY, not fictionally. I do need more practice.

So this was how I was originally going to answer the questions – we went a little off the cuff, and then Ted figured out that the rating was not going to be PG –

I mean, my personal trainer right now is from LELO – and it trains my core muscles via my vagina.

Let me just make this clear – I “talk” about sex and pleasure because it is part of who we are as spiritual beings, as human beings.

Life is a rich tapestry of yumminess, and if we deny who we are or live repressed, then there will be holes…

…we will be zombies, with no feeling, with no substance, with no connection.

Fake smile in the streets … scared and lonely between the sheets.
-People.

I’ve already done that to myself – I’m liberating the great people of this planet to SPEAK, SING, reach your orgasmic potential so you can celebrate LIVING! …and have a tribe of fun people around you. #challengeaccepted

…and Kegels are important exercises anyway – and if Jane Fonda can teach them on YouTube and talk about how the urethra works, then I can step it up and not tiptoe around the real subject…how to improve my technique in the sport of champions. ūüôā

Tell us a little about yourself and your fitness/life/work/career.

How am I supposed to get that done in an hour?? I was named the Goddess of Healing by one of my clients 2 years ago, actually before he met me, and I just ran with it. I like it because as a massage therapist, I have been¬†a healing practitioner, and as a human being, I‚Äôm in a constant state of healing…so it goes both ways.

I’m a Sagittarius, so I am a flirty free spirit. I love to have fun. I’m also a super-hero РI’m a single mom and have done some pretty brave things, which I didn’t consider to be brave at the time that I did them Рlike traveling by myself, ending relationshits, ziplining, talking to strangers, etc.

Fitness career began because I worked out – I made working out look fun – and the other country club moms saw the changes in my appearance, so they joined in the fun. I started training other people and teaching. I like classes and small groups because I like being on stage – Hard to believe ūüôā

Let us get started with a lighter topic so our listeners can get to know you a little better. One of my favorite questions to ask guests is who is your favorite fictional hero or superhero, and why?

I love badass chicks Рany gal that can kick the crap out of a group of guys rocks! I played Tomb Raider before it was a movie, and I wanted to be like Lara Croft РI also liked her outfit. Of course, Black Widow is awesome. I’ve recently discovered I have a natural talent for firing weapons, so I am aspiring to be like them.

Oh, and Mystique – anybody who can walk around naked elegantly wearing just paint
I must be like her.

Fitness Questions

Where did you get your start towards being fit/working out/ into whatever you are into?

Let‚Äôs take a trip back to high school – Sophomore/Junior year –

Oh yeah, nothing says “fitness” like leg warmers and a leotard with a belt¬†…

…and the classic Jane Fonda’s Workout – .

jane

Seriously, I lost the baby-fat with that little gem..They made us do the workout in gym class because back in the day in that school, we had gender-segregated PE class. So we could do our pelvic lifts (bridges) without the boys bothering us.

…and then after that, Senior year, I moved to a new state – so in order to meet boys, I took a weightlifting class that started earlier than the rest of the school – I ran to school, took the class (I was one of two girls in that class) – and learned to lift weights¬†–

…not in a belted leotard but in my Van Halen sparkly spandex ūüôā

Beyond that, I just did what I could when I could to look great on vacation, to lose pregnancy weight, etc.

Рand then I shifted my perspective and started training for an event, not just to look good when it suited me. My first event was the 3-Day, walking 60 miles in 3 days. I’ve done all kinds of crazy stuff since Рbut I’ve stuck with fitness for over 10 years now consistently.

I became a personal trainer after being with my trainer for 2 years, and we gained a following of people wanting to work out with us.

My “thing” was having fun exercising – and I do not half-ass it. My classes had music themes, like Weird Al, Sunglasses At Night, Catch The Bad Guys, Battle Of The Bands. I taught all ages, all fitness levels, all functional training.

Sometimes, I would surprise my students with Bud Light Real Men of Genius Commercials intermixed with the songs РIt was their queue to fetch water.

When in your life did you experience failure? Or was there a time all you wanted to do was give up? Tell us that story.

Does the day end in the letter ‚ÄúY‚ÄĚ???

I have experienced divorce – so failed marriage and failed finances, that was basically apocalyptic. I‚Äôve endured career changes, and I’m going through one now.

I trained for a figure competition and didn‚Äôt make it to the stage because it was July, and my body said ‚ÄúNo – I must have water.‚ÄĚ I‚Äôve had self-image issues my entire life‚Ķ

What did those failures teach you?

The truth is, real failure is just giving up and not getting back up. I always get up.

I make shifts; I adjust and adapt.

I find the humor in the so-called tragedy. I‚Äôve learned that I have a unique talent and a unique voice – and my perspective on life and the world around me is not shared by many people but it is embraced once they hear it. It’s novel – and I never knew that.

I know that if I hadn‚Äôt experienced divorce, which was death because my life changed suddenly in an instant, like being stabbed or hit by a car, I wouldn’t have discovered and celebrated my life and how to really live it.

In a way, I’m like Wolverine – I regenerate; I don’t really die.

Do you have a favorite mantra or motto you would like to share with our listeners?

I use ‚Äúchallenge accepted‚ÄĚ a lot. I have so many other little funnies that keep me going – but I have to say ‚ÄúDo it‚ÄĚ would be toward the top¬†– Short for ‚Äúdo or do not, there is no try‚ÄĚ – that‚Äôs kind of my attitude. ‚ÄúFuck it‚ÄĚ is another classic.

I do high-five myself when I accomplish things.

Finally, what gets you up in the morning? What really drives you to wake up and tackle the new day?

My alarm gets me up in the morning, and if I decide to sleep in, which is only when I‚Äôm with Captain Amazing, the sun gets me up. …and then I get him up ūüôā

I‚Äôm always up first. It‚Äôs my ‚Äúme‚ÄĚ time. I pay myself first. If I wait until I‚Äôm done working – I‚Äôm too tired to enjoy my life. So I enjoy my life first and then take care of the other stuff. ‚Ķ

…If I have the good fortune to visit Captain Amazing after work, well then I get to end the day very well as well.

I treat each day as a new life unto itself…I live for the moments. A walk to Whole Foods is a celebrated event in my life.¬†

Nerd Questions

Getting more towards our nerd side, what are you nerding out about right now? Is there a movie, or book, or Comic Con coming up you’re really psyched about?

I took my kids to see “Guardians of the Galaxy” at Disneyland when it opened – awesome. I love The LEGO Movie . Avengers 2 opens May 1st, my daughter‚Äôs birthday…

And we are all going to see Marvel Universe Live – I told Captain Amazing I would go in costume, and he could pick the costume –

He chose ‚ÄúMystique‚ÄĚ and said that he would buy the paint – and I said, Challenge Accepted – so I‚Äôm training for a marathon in order to prepare for that role.

That is the Phoenix Marathon on February 28 – and it will be my first full.

What will I wear?? I just don’t know yet…

If you had to be one superhero in a Battle Royale, where all the superheroes/villains across all universes are put on earth as it is today and told to battle to the death, who would you be, and why?

That’s so tricky РI’m learning to love myself as a superhero, so boring or not, I’d pick being me Рwith a fantastic costume, of course, and perhaps some added powers, like controlling the weather and being able to fly. And then we would have to have a really great composer: Hans Zimmer or Henry Jackman scoring the entire battle Рlots of drums.

If you could train with one person, dead or alive, who would it be and why?

That’s easy РChuck Norris Рthe answer is always Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris uses the Earth’s core to make toast.
Chuck Norris can simply walk into Mordor.

You find yourself in a post-apocalyptic world, fighting for survival from predators, both human and animal, what do you do to maintain your fitness and what one weapon would you want for protection?

That’s two separate questions РFor maintaining fitness in a post-apocalyptic setting Рplyometrics, monkeybars, getting up off the ground, military crawls, jumping over stuff, picking up heavy things Рreally surviving would be enough. I wouldn’t care about muscle symmetry or how good my belted leotard looked.

Zombie Apocalypse workout is excellent too.

For weapon – I have 2 super powers. The first is¬†my intuition – But I have another, and it‚Äôs more powerful – My creativity. So I would use that as my one weapon because of it‚Äôs versatility – offensive and defensive – gets me out of a jam – then I can create anything at any time…kind of like MacGyver.

Do you have one resource, app, or piece of equipment you can really get behind and refer to our listeners?

Chuck Norris, a jackhammer, a glock, and a smile ūüôā ¬†Oh and LELO for all your playtime needs – great gifts!

Let’s not forget – Kettlebells, TRX, Tabatta timer, great shoes, a hair tie, a paperclip, and duct tape.

Where can people connect with you?

My blog is my favorite space and it’s being turned into a book, so I’m excited about that. I’m on Facebook. My friend page is more fun than my fan page Рbut I’ll take friends and fans. Twitter is kinda crazy. My kids are supposed to be teaching me Instagram, which shouldn’t be that hard, I just don’t stay connected all the time.

NOT LINKDIN Рugh, that site keeps wanting me to connect with my ex-husband, and I really don’t think that’s a good idea.

Blog: goddessofhealing.me
FB: facebook.com/mindy.neal1
FB: facebook.com/goddessofhealing
Work: goddessofhealing.guru
Twitter: @MindyNeal

Oh, and I send love notes almost every day to my subscribers. I’d love more subscribers because they are really fun for me to do >> click here to sign up.

And finally, to cap things off — what parting advice do you have for everyone out there¬†listening to Dumbbells & Dragons Podcasts?

Play, laugh, and talk – have great sex that‚Äôs playful, makes you laugh, and that you can talk about -with at the very least the person you‚Äôre doing it with ….

….soooo, I talk to myself a lot!!

ha ha!!

And fitness is playing! If it isn’t fun, it isn’t worth doing.

 

Boy Crazy

Crazy For Boys #CrayCray

Warning: Today’s post is rated “yeah, I really said that.”

It¬†is dedicated to the boys I love – all of you – which is too numerous to count – plus hashtags –¬†#PMHT

I really can’t help myself – I’m boy crazy. It’s an addiction. The more I flirt, the more I need to flirt, and the more I enjoy flirting.

Sometimes there’s a goal – most of the time, there isn’t.

Since ramping up my Twitter presence, which is still quite feeble, I’ve stumbled upon some new stalkers fans who are sooooo sweet – They PM-Flirt with me and send me the nicest pics! #PenisPics

Hey guys – Here’s a little tip for ya – it’s a secret, so shhhhh – Um, we gals like to use our imaginations … so leave something covered … And if you do the lighting and positioning right – well it does make a difference. #ArtisticDickPics

Unless we actually have established an intimate relationship with your cock, we really don’t find it attractive….just saying… #TrueStory

I think Captain Amazing’s cock is awesome. (And I sing that – AWESOME) – picture little musical notes all around that AWESOME!

We discussed that yesterday before the football game – It’s perfect¬†for me¬†– even though I can’t quite get it all the way down my throat.

Can I just give props to the professional porn girls out there who can deep throat and make it look so easy? PROPS! #PropsToPorn

It is NOT easy – but I continue to put forth effort to achieving this goal. And godbless Captain Amazing for his patience and willingness to sacrifice his body and vital parts for my training.

He’s a true trooper.

I have a small mouth and big teeth – which I wouldn’t trade those things. I have a nice smile.

So we will continue to try – What is the saying about games? It’s not whether you win or lose but the fact that you continue to play, try, try, try, swallow, choke, try again… that’s what counts.

~~

Yesterday, Oh YASSSS, I went to the Cardinals game with 3 men

Ladies – there is a reason why I am a unicorn and I hang with guys –

I WATCH THE GAME – I understand the game – I do not text, Tweet, Pinterest, or Facebook during the game. #PayAttention

My phone remains in my stylish, clear plastic, NFL-approved bag – Next to my clear plastic Ziplock money bag and clip, hair clip (in case there’s an opportunity to tie my hair back during a tailgating quickie), my ticket, and my tampons ūüôā

That’s why I get invited to these games – not because I keep tampons in my stylish, clear plastic, NFL-approved bag – but because I watch the game; I understand the game; I don’t bitch, moan, or nag…

…Oh, and during the sit-down parts of the game, my hand remains comfy-cozy rubbing CA’s “eh hem” JEANS ūüėȬ†– The Cardinals play better when I do this. #LuckyRubDown #DontFuckWithAWinningStreak

I also wear great Cardinals tops – Like this one:

cardsshirt1

I couldn’t decide between this or my Victoria’s Secret ‚̧ The Cardinalsshirt, so I packed that one just in case.

The first thing Captain Amazing said (after ‘hi’) was¬†“Great shirt – I love it” – followed by a kiss and a “let’s go play before the game.” #IWin

Problem solved!

So we were taking the other guys home after the game, and Mr. Luge’s new phone was speaking to him – “Call from, so-n-so. Accept or Ignore” – to which he said, “Ignore.”

“Text from so-n-so. Read?”

It has car mode, so it announces everything in a female computer voice…and reads texts out loud…

So I said, “That’s it – I’m going to have to dirty text you because I want her to say ‘fuck‘ out loud.”

He said he would listen to those dirty texts out loud – and in mixed company.

So I fetched my phone from my stylish, clear plastic, NFL-approved bagand sent him this gem:

Pours Poprocks into mouth –
Now where is that dick of yours?

CLASSIC!

I would say, “Don’t try that at home,” but I’m kind of curious.

~~

So today was spent with fancy planes and fancy cars and fancy fantasies. I was with 5 guys today – 6 if you include our guide Mr. Bobby – plus I had phone calls from and texts from other boys.

Even the guy at Whole Foods was a guy –

I saw one female client.

…and then my friend Homer sent me this video. It reminded him of me (awwww … so sweet!!!!) and my magic wand Majestic Purple – which is still in the other toy box…

…Or is it?????!!!!!!!

HEY YOU KIDS – !!!!!!

So 2 more females (yay) and 2 more penises. #FakeDicksCount

mom superhero

 

 

The Soapbox

The Soapbox

I have to lay out the back story before I climb up on my soapbox…This is a story about adventure, relationships, and broken hearts.

I hope you like rants – cuz that’s kinda my thing.

soapbox

Part 1: Spunk & Sunshine

Youngest and I graced Captain Amazing with our presence a few nights ago so that I could begin my “Mission Organization” upon his home office and perform my nerd magic on a new computer that he bought many moons ago and hadn’t had time to set up yet.

I am a woman; therefore, I have the genetic capability of multitasking without the damaging side effects of ADD.

Youngest¬†brought her chemistry homework, and Captain Amazing’s¬†full engineering nerd came out – Clearly that’s his passion – To create and build things and be all “sciency.” #nerdgasm #macgyverlives

I don’t remember how the conversation shifted¬†from the periodic table of elements and the formula for density to me and my personality, but the important part is this:

At one point, he asked Youngest if I’m always like this – Upbeat and positive, and “there’s a ray of sunshine – let’s go capture it” – something to that effect – in a light teasing tone.

I could pretend to be more like you and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time.

To which Youngest did reply: “Yes, she’s always like that.”

I’m not gonna lie – I LOVED THAT!! I don’t care that they were kind of making fun of me – It was just so awesome to know that my kid recognizes and corroborates that I’m genuinely ME – all spunk and sunshine – even in the darkest of times…

…and even though I’m probably¬†the most embarrassing person on the planet.

Part 2: The Playground Adventure

So yesterday morning was so crazy fun! I played so hard AGAIN with the Happiest Little Boy!!

First, he loves to look at my Ipad and see all of my pictures. I taught him how to use the camera, and he took a couple of selfies. These pictures РOMG РSO ADORABLE!! I could just eat him up!!

Note about pictures: I never did “family portraits” because there’s no personality in them. That’s not who people really are. I like to capture people in their genuine moments.

I’m not quite as skilled as my daughters – They snapchat constantly with amazing self-expression, but I’m learning to be fully present and kid-like without feeling¬†self-conscious about what I look like when I’m being a goofball.

Anyway, I was itching to go do a few flips in the backyard, so I asked Captain Amazing if I could take HLB (Happiest Little Boy) outside and play.

It was a school and work day, and I don’t know all the rules of the morning routine. He said, “Yes.”

YASSSSS!!!!! #rocktheslide #monkeybarsforever

playground

So HLB and I went outside to play. WE HAD SO MUCH FUN!!! We slid down the slide, climbed¬†up the slide, hung from the monkeybars, did somersaults, climbed the ladders …

I did a few flips on the “flip upside down bar”¬†because that’s my thing.

Captain Amazing came out to check on us and said, “You’re fricking hilarious.”

I said, “What?? I’m just playing.”

…and then we heard the garbage truck, and HLB¬†wanted to see it.

So I picked him up and he saw it – Ooooo it was so great!!¬†…and we ran around and tried to chase it!

Who needs a gym when you have a toddler to play with??? Just saying!

Captain Amazing came out again, this time dressed and ready for work. He said it was time to come in and eat breakfast.

Awwww Rats!!

 

Part 3: The Food Fight – Standing On My Soapbox

The night previous, we had been rudely interrupted by an irrationally angry phone call about a guest list and a Halloween party.

The phone call was absolutely, without doubt, none of my f*ing business. And it still isn’t.

The details are not important but what is – BOUNDARIES!

Captain Amazing and I have a great analogy about boundaries – one that he taught me- Waffles and Spaghetti.

Men tend to think and behave more like waffles – with little boxes of boundaries within a boundary. Women tend to think and behave with emotional entanglements, the way spaghetti behaves.

The phone call was basically a truckload of spaghetti hurled at him with enormous velocity, such that I could hear the splat of marinara hit him in the face from the other room; the pasty stick of the pasta as it landed all over him, the walls, and the ceiling; and when he returned from the kitchen, he was covered head to toe in spaghetti.

food-fight-online-slot

Well I guess I can’t hide my crazy – Said the chick on the phone.

I felt so bad, and at the same time, I wondered where his boundaries went. I decided that what he really needed to do in that moment was:

1. Not accept the phone call because it wasn’t about his son.

OR

2. Take the phone call but arm himself with a giant waffle shield to deflect all of the spaghetti.

Capt-America waffle

The sad reality of a breakup when you have children is that you are tethered to that other adult forever in some capacity.

BUT, where do you establish boundaries around the relationship between the so-called adults?

When is the life of the ex none of your fucking business anymore because it doesn’t directly involve the kids?

That’s when it becomes tricky – and ultimately horribly sad –

It’s fascinating that I have such strong boundaries when I’m such a warm and loving and joyous person.

I’ve recently learned why – There’s a wall – and I’m taking it down, but I don’t want to end up being¬†spaghetti….so I’m a little scared.

I don’t want to screw up what I have with you. You’re too important to me.

My opinion: When someone awesome enters my kids’ lives, I welcome it. If I have emotional baggage with regard to that – it’s my baggage, not my kids’ and not that awesome person’s.

…and narcissistic fucktardery is not welcome in my life.

I don’t understand why that’s not a universal concept.

Part 4: The Wall That Narcissistic Fucktards Built

That wall has been measured to be 91 miles thick – and it’s around my heart.

I have learned how to own certain emotional discomforts and be more than ok with them РEMBRACE them Рso my kids can share their lives with me in passionate detail

– especially that¬†portion¬†of their lives that I’m not a part of –

Passionate detail is the language we speak.

They have a step-mom and they have half-sister. They love their half sister so much …

They share her pictures and what they’ve done with her – She is absolutely adorable. And the kids would love the two of us to meet someday. I would love that too.

That will never happen though –

My funness and free-spiritedness are threats to the unenlightened and to the narcissistic fucktards who think my behavior and my choice in friends is a direct threat to them, and that I choose my friends and my personality to irritate them.

That’s what a narcissistic fucktard does – they all do –

I have finally accepted that I can’t fix stupid.

Nevertheless, it’s kind of a lonely place to be…sitting here with a wall 91 miles thick around my heart.

I was looking at the calendar yesterday to schedule a launch party for something I’m involved in – There was Youngest’s birthday and my birthday, and I saw HLB’s birthday.

I thought to myself, “Oh I should keep that day open,¬†so we can have¬†a birthday party.”

…and then a few minutes later, I remembered the narcisstic fucktarderific spaghetti-laden phone call about a Halloween gathering¬†and who was attending it –

I will not be invited or welcomed.

Puppy…In…A…Cup

…and that made me cry.

FUUUUUCCCCKKKKK ūüė¶

I hate doors!

I’m always the one who loves more – even with boundaries – that’s my thing.

Basically I have two choices:

1. Choose to end up alone Рbe a single old lady flashing people on the street.

OR

2. Be creative РThrow a party for all of us on a different day, move through my discomfort, and change the world.

I’m picking option #2.

 

Quotes above are from New Girl.

The Fangirl

This last week week – From Saturday to Saturday – was¬†highlighted by Celebrities, Events, Conspiracies, Alliances, And of course Sex (not in the traditional sense – although is there anything traditional about my sex???)…

Part 1: My Evening With Ira Glass

Saturday, October 11

I’m not sure how Ira will respond to being a featured guest on my blog – but he inspired me so much when I met him. #npr #serial #thisamericanlife #nerdalert

TRUTH: Before I met him, I didn’t know who he was – had never heard of him.

My friend texted me and said she wanted to ask me on a date. WOO HOO! I love dates! And she is a connoisseur of theater, and I welcome invitations to culture because I love culture. #truestory

So I said “yes” before I knew what it was that we were doing.

I was also invited to Brown Sugar’s “Fusion Supper Club” party that night. I texted him to ask how long the party was going to last.

He said, “As late as you want ūüôā “

Mmmm…ding dong…. I like that answer. ¬†– I’ll do both events!

My date picked me up and off we went to spend an evening with a radio show celebrity.

The first man we met was the marketing guru for KJZZ, the local affiliate for NPR. Wow, talk about brown sugar! That man was gorgeous.

I wasn’t sure if that was who we were supposed to meet, but I enjoyed meeting him! And OH what a voice!!!! No wonder he is on radio.

KJZZ had a divine spread of gourmet appetizers out, so I selected a few vegetables (roasted red pepper from heaven) – and we found a vantage point on this private balcony overlooking the beautiful lights of the Mesa Center For Performing Arts.

mesa arts

A lady walked over to us and asked if we had met Ira yet. Nope –

She walked us over and there he was. I asked my friend if we were supposed to be fangirling. She wasn’t sure.

But the gal in front of us was – I thought she was going to swoon!

We approached Ira and stood next to him РHe had a fine lady on both sides РAn Ira sandwich!

He introduced himself to me, and we shook hands. I then introduced him to my friend – She was, after all, my date and the one who knew who he was!

We chatted for a while and had many photos taken, which I have been unable to hunt down.

TRUTH: He has the softest hands.

We were escorted to our choice seats near the front row of the stage.

The show was great! Now I know why he has been on the air for 17 years.

The stories hit me in such a way that I felt like my life would never be the same -The whole evening clicked and I had a glimpse of the awesomeness that lay ahead of me.

What was it about this man РOne radio host and two dancers that spoke to me?

I think it was the construction of the show and the stories.

And in my post meet-and-greet stalking researching, I found the extremely recent clip from when he was on Jimmy Fallon #jimmyfallonfangirl  #ilovejimmyfallon

And they talked about his tweet that Shakespeare sucks…I had actually seen that tweet during my stalking researching.

I became a fan. #nerdfangirl

I won’t listen on regular radio, like in the car, because that’s not my thing – but a podcast is.

That led to the discovery of The Moth. My friend said that if I ever get on The Moth, she will travel to wherever I am telling my story and listen, even though she reads my blog and talks to me every week.

The butterfly is my spirit animal – Just saying –

Hmmmm….LIGHT BULB…maybe I’ll speak my stories, not just write them down….

Alas, I was fangirling so hard that I didn’t make it to Brown Sugar’s Fusion Supper Club – I asked him how I could make it up to him.

He said, “You’re creative. I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

Part 2: Conspiracies And Collaborations

Subsection A: Conspiracy Theory

So Mr. Julie McCoy is running in the NY Marathon November 2nd. I love to see my friends strive for achievements, especially when they are big bucket list deals. #goforit

Do or do not. There is no try.

He then sent me a “coupon” to register for the Phoenix Marathon on February 28, 2015, and volunteered himself to be my running coach. #shit

I’ve been on the fence about running a full. I’ve done 2 halves (that makes a full, right??) #math

Plus I’ve walked 60 miles 3 times…

I’m not gonna lie – I have been¬†searching for a bit of spark to light my workout fire.

I do have vanity goals right now. However, vanity is not an event.

It’s not something I can high-five myself when I cross the finish line of “DAMN I LOOK HOT!”

The popular¬†fitness culture¬†has conspired against¬†that opinion – with lots of “challenges” and “contests” and before-and-after pictures.

Let me just make this emphatic observation: Dieting is NOT¬†a sport – It is not a test of wills – It is not something that you should win a prize for. It’s also not fun.

Sex IS a sport (read on). And I believe Captain Amazing has ordered my trophy for First-Place in my division – The Unicorn Division.

Sure, hitting that vanity goal CAN lead to sex – but it doesn’t sustain it.

Don’t get me wrong – the ultimate vanity carrot being dangled in front of me is the fact that I committed to dressing undressing as Mystique for Marvel Universe on March 7, 2015.

I envisioned my two choices at being Mystique: Average or Champion.

I choose Champion.

“Maybe I just need a running coach,” I thought. “…and I can just train myself.”

I’ve been wanting to hire a personal trainer (read on). But it’s hard to find someone who treats working out as fun – but who also doesn’t stand around and talk.

I don’t want to talk. I want to sweat and get my ass kicked.

I read the promo again for the marathon – looked at the calendar – remembered what I did to take my body-fat down to 16%.

I entered my information and clicked SUBMIT.

FFFFUUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!!! #wtf

What have I gotten myself into???

So THAT happened!

Subsection B: Retraction and Collaboration

Friday October 10

I had a conversation with Captain Amazing while I was driving him to the airport ¬†– (holy shit – THAT happened) –

He is surrounded by some co-dependency that is none of my business but I did feel compelled to explain how I would NOT ask an ex for help.

He said, “So let’s say you get bored with me and we are not together anymore…You wouldn’t ask me for help?”

I said, “First, I can’t imagine being¬†bored with you. Second, you and I are friends for life, so it’s kind of different. And third – No, I wouldn’t.”

It’s a condition I have – Extreme pride and independence –

Monday October 13

For the third October in a row, Mr. KC, a man whom I met and dated 2 years ago, returned to my life. He actually stayed in touch a lot more this year – Yay –

This¬†time, however, he asked me for “help.”

Not for money or to borrow a car or for a place to live –

(if anyone were to ask me for those things, I’d help make a kick-ass sign and find the most marketable street corner for them to work -)

Rather – He asked for my creative expertise and in return, I would receive compensation. Fair enough.

Also he put an idea on the table about a collaboration, which would be inspirational to the world and extremely profitable for us, the way both of us envision it.

He asked me then what I would need – and I outlined the work I have done in building my empire –¬† in great detail – and highlighted a few of the missing pieces.

I then asked for his help –

Irony: A situation that is strange or funny because things happen in a way that seems to be the opposite of what you expected.

Let me just point out, he’s not technically an ex. We only dated for 4 months, so it doesn’t really count. And we have remained friends long after the sex ended.

I’m not even sure that we technically dated, but I don’t know what else to call it. I have trouble with labels.

I’ve written our¬†story down – it’s good enough to be a movie –

I have to say that whatever it was, let’s call it “dating” – Dating him was like dating Brad Pitt – He’s somewhat of a celebrity and I was a total fangirl when I was with him. #fangirling #itsathing

At any rate, I must retract my earlier generalization about help from an ex – and further define that I will not ask for codependent help, like money or a car or a place to live.

I will not have codependency within a relationship and I certainly will not have it after.

 

Subsection C: Forging An Alliance

Thursday October 16

Somewhat in passing, Mr. Julie McCoy passed a website to me. He said, “You might like these guys.”

He then added that he needed my creativity with some of the nerd questions in the interview.

TRUTH: Second man this week who requested my creativity. BAM! That’s success RIGHT THERE!!!

I read the questions first – because doing things backwards is one of my special talents – and then clicked on the website link.

The choir of angels sang when I saw Dumbbells And DragonsMy people – More members to add to my tribe.

My fangirl state escalated quickly, from just checking you out, to full “I need you now!”¬†

I don’t¬†want to date these guys, so I¬†can¬†be as crazy as all anything. – Hot Crazy Matrix be damned – #girlsarecrazy #fangirlalert

fangirl

I followed them on Twitter and then sent them a note on their page. Ken tweeted me back and then requested I send him an email so we could chat in more than 140 characters.

…and it all went downhill soaring from there…

The fangirl inside me told story after story, puns, nerd tales, and how much I needed to be part of their empire…and asked them what they needed to become HUGE, in a non-Viagra way.

..and I sent them here – To read about our Grand Canyon adventure – To read about sex and the zombie apocalypse #itsathing –

I told them I would love to be a regular recurring guest on their show – and they concur! Ken said he would have me on a bunch!

YESSSSSSSSS!!!

My answers to the interview questions are LEGEN – wait for it – DARY!

I have scripted a recurring performance. I’m so excited ‚̧

I think the ULTIMATE FANGIRL STATE is to be a fangirl of yourself.

 

Part 3: My Fangirls, Sex & My Personal Trainer

One of my female clients returned from her summer someplace cooler than hell, and she looked at me and said, “My God, you look amazing. How do you do it? Seriously, what are you doing?”

To which I replied, “Lots of really amazing sex!!”

She said, “Oh, that’s what I’m doing wrong.”

We both laughed, and I said, “I’m so sorry. Seriously, from the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry.”

She said, “Me too.” And we laughed again!!

That conversation has been retold at parties – because one of her male friends, another client of mine – said I have become a legend and the envy of all the women in their community.

YOWZA – I have my own fangirls!!!

Another client returned for her appointment with me – She and her friends started a “blog club” – Like a book club, except they are reading my blog – Out loud – to each other.

#fangirls

I love it – These women in their 60s – saying “cock” out loud. It warms my heart!

…and now the pressure is really on – Committed to dressing undressing as Mystique, running a marathon, AND competing in my favorite sport to earn¬†that trophy Captain Amazing is designing for me…

As I stated above, I have been wanting to hire a personal trainer.

…and then ¬†my friend, Ms. Spa, sent me an intriguing email.

…about a pleasure personal trainer

#fangirl

Since I waste no time stalking researching people and things that I am passionate about – I checked it out and was in fangirl sex heaven – The choir of angels sang to me AGAIN!

I immediately contacted LELO and showed them my blog –

I have been ACCEPTED to represent and inspire women (couples) to take their sex to the next level!! Another collaboration this week –

I also “hired” my pleasure personal trainer – to make sure that I am at the top of my sport – the sport of champions –

I’ve named her Lola (she was a show girl) – and she¬†treats working out as fun but also doesn’t stand around and talk. I sweat and get my ass kicked!

That trophy will be mine!!!

I’m also fangirling this toy¬†>> LELO IDA¬†<< The diagrams – Oh Captain Amazing – my birthday is coming up!! ‚̧

Sunday October 19

A new week begins…Captain Amazing has returned from his vacation – Watch for the next epic story…I know, you’re on the edge of your seat…and probably a little nervous.

I have to go run 8 miles…

The Hangover

hangover

Tuesday

So Monday¬†was¬†rather suckish….for reasons that made me say “Holy Shit – what was that??!! What the fuck did I do???”

I was so hungover yesterday, and I hadn’t had anything to drink – and sadly, I had had no sex.

Yet,¬†I felt that overwhelming need to apologize for having way too much fun, like I went on a drinking and sex bender –

–one of those one-night stands that you crawl home the next day, and a¬†memory flashes before your eyes, requiring you to hold your head and scream out in pain, and you just want to die —

“OMG, what did I do to myself???”

I have discovered in recent years that I can develop a hangover from a variety of activities (living the “high” life) where drinking alcohol is not involved, like having¬†great sex.

It had been a rare occurrence that I first experienced in November 2012, and it happened maybe 2 or 3 times with that guy.

It didn’t happen again until my adventures with Captain Amazing.

And since it’s happening fairly regularly, it’s quite…um…crazy…With physical cravings, shaking hands, dizziness, sweating, cloudy thinking, inability to walk…

What I learned this weekend РI can actually have kid hangover. #wtf

During the last 7 years of my post-marriage kid adventure, I did notice that I would be “sad” after a weekend with the kids – and at the same time, relieved because I could actually clean my dwelling and have some quiet time – I mean quiet – QUIET – QUIET!

My kids have only met 3 guys I have dated, one was fun and had 3 kids who were my kids’ ages (that was just a summer of fun and not a relationship) …

… and the other 2 were both total disasters – Those guys were not fun and were actually jealous of my relationships/friendships between my kids and me. So obviously NEXT –¬†

So now, my kids are older, and the 4 of us have a rather rigorous screening process when it comes to anyone hanging out with all of us.

He has to be somewhat nerdy, have an absolute love/obsession with superheroes and Marvel movies, and allow a lot of playing, sitting on the floor, being stupid, joking, speaking in a way that the so-called “normal” people would find offensive…

…OK, so check to all of the criteria above so far…

That’s not the issue – I am soooo over worrying about any¬†guy who would be pissy with me spending quality time with my kids and question the manner in which I spend that time….

…so if we are all watching a movie, and my 13-year-old wants to sit on my lap on the floor, she is going to – no questions, no discussing this – It’s non-negotiable.

None of this was questioned – no pissiness – It was absolute BLISS!

So far, so good – Captain Amazing can hang with us.

However, with the exception of the one guy above,¬†I have never dated someone with kids who were still kids…or whom I met…

~~~

Yep, I love my kids. They are awesome. They quote pop culture until it becomes the fabric of their language and then they produce spin-offs. All teens probably do it, but mine are very skilled. Except they sometimes cite the original source Рand it ruins the moment. #ruiner

However, I don’t love ALL kids – For the same reasons above, not all can hang with us. A few can and do, and those that do – they are awesome.

The ones that don’t and can’t – well they¬†haven’t been parented the way I parent or they lack the open-mindedness or thick skin or funness required of being a member of our tribe – and in either scenario, I can leave those kids.

And I have never, in my entire life, looked forward to spending time with kids other than my own and perhaps 1 or 2 of their friends (but not their friends by themselves)…

…until now…and I don’t know what to do.

~~

RELEVANT FUN FACTS ABOUT ME

Fact #1

I have unique boundaries. #duh

So there was a quasi-serious conversation that took place last Friday morning in bed, one in which I was instructed to not get “too attached.”

This is it – I have no hidden agenda – This is it! (I’m making a circle motion above myself)

There is no issue, since I am the queen goddess of commitment-phobia, although I’m not a love addict or love avoidant, and I’m definitely not a co-dependent.

However, I have been a love addict once in my life and definitely a love avoidant for the majority of my life, and I’m not afraid to admit that.

I do not want any man (or other adult) to be dependent upon me, nor do I want to ever be dependent on any man РEVER Рfor the rest of my life.

I do not want to be responsible for any man, and I don’t want any man to be responsible for me.

Fact #2

I love fun –

Fact #3

I am ALL IN.  

I live for moments – all kinds – I get sucked in and single-focused. I give each moment at least 100% of what I have to give in that moment.

Sometimes I’m tired, so my 100% is not as strong as other days, but I’m THERE – I’m ALL IN.

Fact #4

I follow directions, unless I’m rebelling or running away…Or I forget. #whatmemory

~

Sunday – Shiz Got Real

I invited one of his sons to walk my friend’s 5 dogs with Youngest and me. He said it sounded good and asked if he and his other son could join.

YES! Super fun!!

…It started at the park – and I asked Youngest to hold the leash of my assigned dog – and that was it. I was climbing the rock wall, taking the 2-year-old over the suspension bridge and onto the twisty slide…I swung on the monkey bars…

…and then it transitioned to football…and where I lost all sense of my senses…I played so hard that I didn’t know where I was or what I was doing…I lost¬†track of time…

…I wrestled a 2-year-old – We ate Otterpops, played catch, colored on the chalkboard, raced cars, played HedBanz Game (BTW, I drew the unicorn card!!) and Legos, dive-bombed beanbag chairs, played in the backyard, and watched Captain America: The Winter Soldier .

…it went on all night…

The details are blurry – but it was the¬†worst best¬†binge – a playing spree – unrestrained indulgence…

I was ALL IN – 500% – until I was spent.

I paid for it yesterday. I thought I had nothing left in the tank – I was wrong – I was full of tears and regret…

regret

I spent my Monday incredibly hungover, crying, practicing the apology I felt I needed to make for having had way too much fun….and for the thing I don’t want to admit out loud to anyone EVER – #denial

Those were the boys I was looking for Рand that is avoidance. #boycrazy

I can’t even write the real words down – I am the biggest idiot that ever lived!¬†

WTF did I do???!!

Do I miss my kids that much??? #struggleisreal

I guess I do. I hate to admit that. The saddest part is that I’ve had to spend the last 7 years with a leash around my heart because it hurts a lot when they leave…

…and I guess I’ve gotten used to it…that helpless emptiness…That having to be an adult because my kids aren’t around…

WTF did I do???!!

I have never experienced anything like this before. #shizgotreal

And I don’t even know how to apologize for feeling so shitty – I feel like I crushed the world, when all I did was crush myself.

I don’t even know if “shitty” is the right word – Maybe it’s growth?? Hurts so good?? Fear???

I laugh in the face of fear – HA HA HA!!!

How do I apologize when I am facing demons from my past – not even demons really – I think I actually slipped into a life I don’t have anymore, like I was in a hologram.

Wait a minute -I shouldn’t have to apologize for having fun and for being myself – even if it was 500% of myself – and showering kids with love and laughter and playing –

All kids deserve that, even the ones who don’t fit into my tribe. I deserve that too.

SO NOT SORRY! Here are 7 things we women should never be sorry about.

The best hangover remedy is more of what made you hungover in the first place!¬†So let me just order up more play time – in all the ways I love to play ūüėČ

Here are the 5 most common regrets that people have on their deathbed:

1.   I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2.   I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3.   I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4.   I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5.   I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I don’t see anywhere¬†on that list:
“I wish I had less sex” or
“I wish I hadn’t played so hard with great kids.”

So I might be ok after all…I just wish this hangover would end so I can get on with my life!!

Oh, and none of those will be my regrets on my deathbed. 

regret 2

 

 

The Things I Wear

I Dress For Function And Theme, Including Pleasure & Sports – Month, Holidays, Etc.

I used the word “pleasure” – so you know that Captain Amazing is the centerpiece of this story.

…and he should be – ūüôā

It’s also October ūüôā

A couple of weeks ago on a Wednesday, he invited me over for a late visit after work. I decided to wear a tank top and cute panties – that’s it.

I texted him that I was on my way and that I was thirsty.

He replied, “Do you want to go out for drinks?”

I replied back, “I’m not wearing much.”

He astutely said, “:-) Good girl. We have drinks here.”

NICE!

I love that my “bad girl” gets “good girl” compliments! #yougogirl

I locked up the apartment and went downstairs to the car. A few minutes into the drive, my phone lit up – He said, “Door open.”

I replied, “Legs open.”

“:-)”

NICE!!

I arrived and we greeted each other in our usual way – totally excited, lots of kissing – and I usually melt inside but try to stay rather put together on the outside.

It’s an epic fail, but I go for it anyway.

I’m just too giggly for such nonsensical conformity. Plus I don’t give a shit if he sees me lose it – it is what it is.

He was naked, by the way. Yum! So how was I supposed to keep it together??? #playnaked

play naked

He guided me to the kitchen where he fixed us drinks.

I said, “I am so¬†happy that you¬†know what being ‘thirsty’ means.”

He looked at the bottle of bourbon…and then looked at me… puzzled…and¬†said, “I know what thirsty means, and I know what wet means.”

I said, “THANK YOU – I have told men in the past that I’m thirsty, and I got a bottle of water.”

He laughed.¬†He handed me my drink and said, “So I have something to tell you.”

“Shit,” I thought with a look of panic on my face, “I didn’t drink this fast enough.”

He said, “It’s good – It’s good.” He paused, probably for dramatic effect.As of this point, I am now a one-woman man.”

Holy shit! Is the devil wearing a snowsuit?? 

I said, “Congratulations! Gosh, I hope I’m the girl!!!”

He laughed, “You are.”

We clinked our glasses in this toast and took a sip of our drinks. I was smiling from the inside out. #itsathing

I set my glass down, raised both my arms above my head, as if to indicate a touchdown, and said:

“I win!!!!!”

We both cracked up.

He put his glass down and finished some of his kitchen chores. I just watched and enjoyed my drink and my view.

It’s voyeurism at its best – cocktails and a cock – he he.

He was lining the trash can with a fresh bag and looked at me – “Is this how you like your men? Naked and barefoot in the kitchen doing your bidding?”

“Hell yeah!”

I win again!

We talked more about our likes and dislikes, things that irritate us, etc. And then I mentioned the blog and a joke I posted for him so he could use it at his fantasy football draft.

He said he hadn’t read it in a while and then said, “Let’s go read it.”

He fixed us another round, and we took our drinks into the office and began to read and laugh. He loved the guts vs balls joke. It is a good one!

And then we read Mr. Zesty Is My Fluffer and watched the whole video Рmy tame girl porn.

He left some beautiful comments! I especially like his comment on the Mr. Zesty post, regarding the strawberry ‚̧

Thursday

…It was the next morning that sent me over the top. I was on top and really enjoying myself, when he said, “Yeah, grind on that Mr. Zesty.”

I absolutely died laughing – It was the funniest damn thing! We had to stop because we were laughing so hard –

Once I had caught my breath from the hysterics, I proceeded to lose my breath again ūüôā

I have a “rule” for myself¬†to finish projects that I start.

We got up – and I went into the kitchen to pour us some coffee. He started to get ready for work.

We had plans that night to go out with his brother.

He said, “This is the first double date he and I have been on.”

“Really?” I asked. I was rather surprised by that.

A few minutes later I asked, “What should I wear?”

He was getting dressed himself, deciding between two ties, and he looked at me.

“I really appreciate that you asked me, but I’m not authorized to advise you,” he said. “If you want to dress like a slutty ho, I am all for that!”¬†

He walked over to my vantage point on the bed and kissed me and then returned to selecting his tie.

He added, “But, I will take you out on the town and show you off if you have dresses that you never get to wear.”

Holy shit! That is so amazing!

“Thank you,” I said. “I also dress for function and theme.”

He cocked his head and smiled quizzically.

“If you bring a toy, for example, I need to dress accordingly,” I said.

“I was thinking about it,” he said.

Yay!!!

I hope he really does ¬†– I want to know if I could keep it together with an “audience,” much like Katherine Heigl did in “The Ugly Truth.”

We both went our separate ways – to work – and he texted me later with the plans – Dinner. Awesome!

I chose a great cleavage top. I tried on a skirt, on the off chance that he would bring the toy, but I opted for the nice-ass shorts instead.

Dinner was a riot. He and I drank and laughed. I didn’t know we had so many private jokes that we think are hilarious – Plus we added Mr. Zesty.

The other couple just stared at us – with their jaws dropped – as if they had never seen anything like us before or they were in absolute shock.

I’m not sure why. They both know us.

He ackowledged and appreciated my nice rack and my nice ass. He did not bring the toy, which was fine РNext time **hint, hint**

~~

Friday

Double date, round #2

We made plans to fix up two of our friends – He told me THE MOST AWESOME little story/compliment I have ever heard –¬†It might have been a tie¬†– It’s hard to top a dying man’s compliment – but they were so similar….and it just makes me so happy as a human being…

He said¬†he told his friend,¬†‘You are going love Mindy – It’s just the kind of girl she is’ – …

#diedofhappiness

I’m sure there was more to the story after that, but my brain stopped there.

I am??!!! He would???!!! 

#diedofhappiness

Our date was to take place at the Scottsdale Gun Club. My dream of becoming Lara Croft and/or Black Widow, supreme badass with a firearm, was about to come true!!

What did I wear?

I chose my Fabletics black leggings with the camouflage stripe down the side, black push-up bra with white tank top …

(FYI – cleavage does not get in Lara Croft’s way)…¬†

…knee-high “Warrior” socks, and black combat boots.

…I thought this would be proper attire for an evening at the shooting range…

I felt¬†supremely badass, and he grabbed my ass properly on each¬†gun exchange. ūüôā

We used an AR15 and a handgun. I really liked the handgun. I did so well firing the weapon that night, probably because of my badass attire, that I think he was actually proud of me.

I had to hang my target in my apartment to show off my new skill.

We really had so much fun! So he invited me to shoot with him again Sunday with his other brother.

#diedofhappiness

Sunday

We went to Ben Avery, an outdoor shooting range, and took the rifle too.

What did I wear?

My Fabletics full camouflage leggings, camo sports bra, and hot pink tank top, with black combat boots…

…you know, proper attire for a Sunday morning of shooting…

camo leggings

One of the range workers came over to me to tell me a story about hot shell casings dropping down a girl’s top once, and she had to remove her top – He felt he needed to warn me.

I thanked him for the heads-up and told him I had no problem taking my top off, if that were to happen.

Captain Amazing and I laughed. He said, “You know he just wanted to look down your shirt.”

“Yeah, I know,” I said. “It’s my contribution to the less fortunate.”¬†

I loved the rifle, by the way. He warned me that the kick on it could possibly dislocate my shoulder if I didn’t hold it right.

I gladly accepted his instruction – and with the first pull of that trigger – OMG – It was so awesome! I loved the power!

We spent a few hours there – so much fun – but then it was time to go. We went straight to watch football.

After the afternoon games, we went back to his place, cleaned ourselves up, and read sex articles to each other… Then we walked to the Olive Garden so we could eat a relatively healthy dinner, drink and watch the evening game.

#diedofhappiness