It’s like two oxymorons rolled into one –
First – I miss my blog sooooo much! I’ve been so busy making a living that journaling my life has been riding in the back seat rather than shotgun.
I am going to work backwards today, which is not too unusual. I do a lot of things backwards.
The Week Of Disease
Today is my final sick day – My final day of being home-bound with what may be the flu, if I can just self-diagnose. The dizziness remains, which I would be more concerned about except Middlest has the disease too and she is also dizzy.
In my week of sickness, Captain Amazing did play Trivia Crack with me – He has yet to beat me 🙂 It has been a battle of wits, and he has come unarmed. Ha ha ha!!
I believe my kids have accepted his role in my life, even though he and I haven’t yet defined terms as other than just “something awesome that we don’t see ending, yet we are not tied down or labeled but reserve the right to tie each other up.”
It’s a long title but we have a lot of ground to cover.
Anyway, I told Youngest this morning that I was enjoying my sick day with her company today, although I was really grateful that I spent the other days alone. I said to her, “I am actually glad I’m single because I didn’t have to take care of anybody else but myself.”
“So you consider yourself single?” she asked.
I said, “Yeah. I am not married, and I live alone except when you’re with me.”
She said, “Yes, but there’s this other little annoying bug called [Captain Amazing] – Explain that.”
I paused and wondered why am I still receiving snarky relationship advice from my youngest daughter.
“Can I blog what you said?” I asked her.
She said, “Of course. I’ll text him for you too.”
**Sigh** Smarty-pants teens.
She really likes him, which warms my heart, and further, she respects him, just as I do. She told me yesterday that she has to do some readathon event at school and that she wanted to ask him what book she should read.
“Is that ok?” she asked me.
“Of course. You can text him and ask him,” I said.
She did…and then she said to me, “Mom, your boyfriend is being a tool.”
“He’s not my boyfriend – Stop calling him that!!” I said (please note that I was offended by the use of “boyfriend” and not by the use of “tool.” – She knows this; therefore, she continues to call him “boyfriend” just to see how I cringe at that word.) “Why? What did he say?”
She said, “Well, I asked him what books I should read, and he said, ‘Dr. Seuss.'”
She and I cracked up!!
Going back a couple of days then, I started not feeling well a week ago, dizziness and just weirdness, which I understand may not be new symptoms for me. However, Captain Amazing looked at me across the table at dinner and asked, “Are you feeling ok? You don’t look well.”
I said, “I think I’m just hungry.” Famous last words …
The next day, Sunday, my head started feeling dizzier and weirder. Youngest and I had gone over to his house to hang out, help with some chores (avoiding our own, of course), but every time I bent over to pull a weed, I felt like I was going to fall.
He had gone to run an errand, so I mainly just wanted him to drive up while I was bent over pulling weeds. Perhaps the view would hit him where it counts, you know? I like it when he squirms in his jeans and we have covert conversations in mixed company.
I just like to create an enjoyable environment – keeping it real. The next day was to be our “date night” and I always make sure, within my area of control, that “date night” exceeds expectations 😉
However, after lunch, which I did not partake in because I was not hungry, Youngest and I decided we need to go. I felt like I needed to lie down, and she had homework.
After a short nap, it was evident by the gushing nose, extreme dizziness, and body aches that I was not “hungry” or “tired,” – I had caught some kind of germ bug. I immediately texted the next day’s clients to inform them, and they all canceled.
During my bed rest the next day, Monday, I knew I wasn’t going to make it anywhere, so I asked him to call me. We talked and I explained the situation, stating of course, that he could bend me over so as not to be exposed to my germs. In the end, we decided I should stay home…where I have remained for 6 days.
BEST Anti-VD “Love Yourself” Day
I have a new doctor friend checking on me – ordering me around – Dr. Z. He’s excited to be a character in the blog…Let’s all give him a warm welcome – Hi Dr. Z!!!
He and I met in the fall or last summer, can’t remember, but I’m sure I blogged about a shooting date. Anyway, it wasn’t until Anti-VD Day that we actually had quality conversation.
The story of this little adventure began the Tuesday prior to February 14th, when Captain Amazing and I were quickly finishing coffee and gather up our work things so we could depart in a timely manner.
I asked him, “So what do you have planned this weekend?”
He said, “Hmm, I think I have a dinner Friday night, maybe something Sunday night, which is not set in stone. I don’t have kids. Why?”
I said, “I don’t have kids either, and I don’t have in-person clients. I just have a few writing deadlines, and I would like to do something.”
He pulled out his handy-dandy cell phone with calendar and looked up his weekend agenda…he scrolled and found Friday…then he saw it…
“Oh!” he said with disgust. “Saturday is Valentine’s Day.”
“Yeah,” I said, equally morosely, “but that’s purely coincidence. I don’t celebrate that holiday.”
He said, “Neither do I. You do realize that we have to break up on Friday, right?”
I cracked up! “Well we could just get the toys out and take care of ourselves next to each other and dirty text from opposite sides of the room!”
He burst out laughing and high-fived me; he said he was going to share that with the guys at work.
I wish you could hear his laugh because it’s awesome!
I said, “Well, see what you can come up with and we’ll chat later.” …and then our usual “have a great day” stuff…
…Friday the 13th came around and I received a grand text: “You up for shooting Saturday at 3 with Dr. Z and me?”
My reply: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His reply: Cool.
I was told to bring my happy self 🙂
My Friday the 13th was quite adventurous and long – and by the time I got home around 5:30ish, I ate, put The LEGO Movie on, and fell asleep.
Saturday the 14th, I woke up around 3:30 am to begin the monster writing project that I needed to complete. It was a lot of tedious copying and pasting links for marketing emails, so I decided to have movies on –
I positioned my Ipad next to me, fired up Netflix, and settled in on Notting Hill to launch my Anti-VD Love Myself Day marathon – Just so I have something chickish to say that I watched because I know the girls out there just think I’m too weird. Spike is my favorite character, hands down. Classic.
I followed that selection up with Terminator 2, the movie that inspired me to have great arms. Linda Hamilton demonstrated that a woman could be a badass, kick ass, and not look like a bodybuilder.
…and then I started Mission Impossible 2 – Just because…
I finished my project by 2pm, showered, selected a pink tank top and my jeans, and went to meet the guys.
When I arrived at the shooting range, I was not greeted by just 2 men – but 3!!!!
Ahhh, what other woman can boast such an encounter on Valentine’s Day???
My shooting was looking sharp, especially toward the end the session, when Captain Amazing instructed me to fire the 3 remaining clips, while he walked his brother out, and if he was not back, Dr. Z would walk me out.
I unleashed my determination and bullets all in the center of that target. I was so happy and proud, and I had to show him my target. I even received a compliment in the lobby! “Nice shooting!” said the super hot stranger.
“Thank you! – I know, right?” I replied.
We walked out to the cars, where Dr. Z said, “She can come.”
Captain Amazing looked at me – probably with a bit of debate in his head – and he said, “I’m going to Dr. Z’s to watch the UFC fight. Want to come?”
“YES!!!!!!!!” I said.
They both looked at me kind of funny. I’m too old to even care if I’m inviting myself along to something I want to go to, even if it is a guys’ night out.
“You like that?” they both asked.
“Yes, surprising right?” I said. “I was surprised too, but yes I do, and I know Ben Henderson.”
So the stage was set for the ultimate “guys-night-out plus me.” My life rocks!!
We had to make one stop before we hit Dr. Z’s house –
I met Captain Amazing at his house so we could drive to Dr. Z’s together. He grabbed his things to put them away and as we were walking in the house, he handed me an envelope….with my name on it….
“Is this from you?” I asked him in disbelief.
“Yeah,” he replied.
“Holy shit!!!!” I exclaimed.
The gesture was so unexpected that I was utterly unprepared. I didn’t know quite what to do. I put the envelope, which clearly contained a card, into my purse. I decided to let it sit. Since I wasn’t expecting it, I wanted to have a little anticipation…a little buildup for the big moment when I would open the envelope’s contents and see what he had been thinking about …Intrigue….
The thing is – I was happy with just the envelope 🙂 – Don’t tell him I said that!
In the car, driving to our first stop, he asked me a quasi-serious question – “What are your relationship goals?”
WTF?????!!!!!! Really? A card on Valentine’s Day and now this??? Shitty shit.
“Um, let me think…This is it,” I said. “I really don’t have any. I know that sounds kind of under-achieving but I don’t believe in goals when it comes to this stuff. I want to ride things out and see where they go.”
“Yeah, I know,” he said, “and I’m not asking for me.”
“My position has not changed,” he said.
“I know,” I said. “I’m just really happy that it’s lasted more than a year and I’m happy that I’m happy…and I really like you.”
“Me too,” he said. “I really like you too. I’m just not ready to be tied down.”
“I know,” I said.
…and then we arrived at our first stop…did our quick errand…and then off to Dr. Z’s house.
We arrived at his beautiful house, accompanied by Jack Daniel’s, and the three of us immediately began a great evening of dining and conversation. I was nonstop chatter –
…and inside my head, I noted that I was spending my Valentine’s Day with two handsome and successful men. My life rocks!!
The food was great! The fights were great! It was such a great time. I did let my lack of filters go crazy – Dr. Z noted how overpaid the ring girls are.
“I don’t know,” I said. “Think about how hard she had to work…”
He said, “Ok??”
I said, “She had to give a lot of blow jobs to get that position!”
The guys howled with laughter – Apparently that was quite unexpected. Dr. Z said he was expecting something really profound. 🙂 Could have been, depending on how you look at it.
The fights were finished (Ben won!!), and it was time to go home. I had been awake for 20 hours (high-five me!), so I was a little dozy.
…and fell asleep before my head hit the pillow…and I slept in!!! …. until 8:45!!!! That’s unheard of! I was so proud of myself!
“Do you want coffee?” I asked Captain Amazing, as I said good morning.
He said, “How about 20 more minutes in bed, and I’ll take you out for breakfast.”
And then I remembered – THE CARD.
I waited for about 15 minutes, and then I got up and went to my purse. I carefully opened the envelope.
I pulled out the card and looked at the front, and I started laughing so hard!
And the inside read: “Thinking of you at this sad time and wishing you comfort.” …”Happy Valentine’s Day”
I was dying! THE BEST CARD EVER!!!
I went back to the bed and thanked him for the card. He died laughing too. “I totally forgot! I have to tell you the story of when I bought it.”
“Ok,” I said, and settled in for the story.
“I was at the store and finally decided on this one, and when I was checking out, the cashier said, ‘I’m sorry,’ and I said, ‘Oh, it’s a Valentine for a girl I’m seeing.’ She said, ‘Oh, I see’ and gave me a funny look, and then I said, ‘I had to break up with 3 other girls so I only had to buy 1 card.'”
We both howled!!!! I was laughing so hard!!!! THE BEST! I’ve told that story at least 20 times, and it never gets old, although I’m not sure everyone appreciates it just as much as I do.
We settled from the fit from laughter – and then played hard – and settled in from that too 🙂
I said, “I won’t tie you down.”
He looked at me.
“But I might want to tie you up occasionally,” I added.
“DEAL!!” he said.
Since it’s the last day of the month and a Saturday – More fitting words were never spoken than whisky distiller Jack Daniel’s last words, which were “One last drink, please.”
So here’s to new friendships (Dr. Z – Welcome to the Blog), outstanding lifetime ones (whatever we choose to call it), Tools and Quick-Hardening Caulk, and a toast to all my guy friends for making February the best month of the year.
And a huge hug and thanks to my beloved clients and well-wishers!! I was single and alone during my sickness but not lonely. I feel so incredibly blessed! xoxo