Year of the Yang Fire Monkey


The beginning of the end started with an email newsletter about the Chinese New Year…YEAR OF THE YANG FIRE MONKEY…

Interestingly enough, I was born in the year of the monkey, and I’m a yang fire person:

“A Yang Fire type person is honest, open-hearted, optimistic, radiates joy, hope, warmth and love. However, they can sometimes be fierce, quick tempered, straight-forward speakers who say exactly what they feel or is on their minds, without much filter. A Yang Fire person feels their emotions deeply both good and bad. In general, a person born in a Yang Fire year will be noticed; often the center of attention.”

I found this fascinating and I reached out to the author, who explained the following:

The Monkey is one of the 3 animals forming a dangerous configuration or clash called “Three Penalty.” This includes the Monkey, the Tiger, and the Snake and together they will generate strong fire elements.

People with this clash may make dramatic changes (such as a job change or move). These can be quite positive opportunities, too! This year it is recommended that a person with a clash carries the pendant of a Snake which will help deflect the Monkey and, therefore, minimizing the negative influence of the clash.

The Monkey resides in the Southwest and is the seasonal birth of the water element. The image is the sun setting in the west and the water helps to temper the fire.

The Monkey is also known as a ‘Traveling Horse.’ This year will bring more opportunities to travel and is good for tourism/hospitality.

Given the set of circumstances both professionally and personally, I took her recommendation to wear a snake pendant.

The pendant arrived at the end of my sickness…and with it, transformed everything.

My health turned the corner…

I consulted with the author to do more work. She said I was coming into great fortune, and that I would meet my mate this year (which caused me to pause, since CA and I were still dating)…I had 2 places to move my bed for good luck:

I could move the head of my bed to the East wall, facing west. This would lead to discovering my mate more quickly.

I felt like vomiting, so I asked what my other option was.

She said I could the head of my bed to the South wall, facing north, in the Southwest corner of the room. This was the wall of financial good fortune.

I chose that wall!

I went through the apartment and slowly applied everything she recommended, except for the water features…my fear being feeding the water when I’m gone…I might have to get over that fear sooner rather than later.

The Double-Stuffed Cream Filling – Part 1

This is the first of two stories that actually took place in the delicious creamy center between the outer edges of my February Oreo cookie (Anti-VD and Week of Disease) –

Happiest Little Boy & Blue

On Monday, February 16th, I arrived at my lovely client’s beautiful home (castle), and she pointed to the corner of the room. She asked me if I would like it –

She knows my real boyfriend is a 2-year-old I run around with, and he’s the Happiest Little Boy (HLB).

Note: I call HLB my “boyfriend,” and we are truly, madly in love each other!! I have thing for younger guys 😉

A couple of weeks ago, his dad, his uncle, HLB and I met up to go hiking, and I hadn’t seen him in a couple of weeks. When he saw me, he jumped from his dad’s arms and ran to me, and he hugged my legs so tight, like he would never let go, and I picked him up and smothered him with sweet kisses!

He’s the bestest boyfriend I have ever had!! (Same rules apply – Must be FUN, say anything, no drama, no judgment, etc.)

We even have a song! Whenever I hear “I Choose You” by Sara Bareilles, I think of him…more so for the beat than for the lyrics.

Anyway, when I saw what my client was pointing to in the corner of the room, I gasped. My hands flew to my mouth and I giggled with sheer delight – “OH MY GOSH!!!” I exclaimed. “Happiest Little Boy would love that so much!! THANK YOU!!!”

It stood about 3 feet tall, at least. I picked it up and squeezed it. It was so soft and squishy, and it made my heart so happy and filled my soul with such joy – I could not wait until HLB saw it.

I dreamed about what he would do first and all the great games he would play –

He has an active imagination that doesn’t stop or even slow down. When we are in the “upstairs” area of the fort, he makes me pizza and hamburgers, and every bolt becomes a knob to turn or a button to push.

I kept his gift in the back seat of my car for a couple of days until I had to go downtown (cream filling story #2!) – and then decided I’d better take it into my apartment –

I thought, “Someone might want to steal it because it’s so awesome!”

I just hugged it and squeezed it as I carried it upstairs. 

“This is the greatest thing, ever!”

When my daughters came home, I showed it to them. They each hugged it and squeezed and had the same feeling I had – “This is amazing! Maybe we should keep it.”

On Sunday, Youngest and I arrived at HLB’s house. Youngest was going to do some chores and entertain HLB while we so-called adults pretended to be adults (work-type stuff, not adult play-type stuff). 

We knocked on the door and heard the locks rattling. Clearly HLB was opening the door himself, doing his best to reach the deadbolt. 

He threw the door open and saw what was in my arms – He grabbed it and ran to the living room, where he proceeded to wrestle with the giant dog and smother it with kisses. 

“That is awesome!!” said his dad. “Where did you get that?”

I told him the story of how this biggest softest awesomest giant stuffed Saint Bernard joined our lives, which looked very similar to this picture below, only bigger and with a big red ribbon bow-tie collar.


As I finished the story, HLB came running up to me: “Mindy, Mindy, come see Blue.”

Awwwww….he named it already!!!!

He grabbed my hand and took me to where Blue was sitting. He said, “Sit on Blue’s lap.” 

As I went to sit down, he said, “Wait – Blue is pooping.” 

I laughed out loud!

Kids in potty training really think of nothing else.

Then he said, “Ok, he’s done….See?” He moved Blue toward the wall where the television cable was (the cable, no TV), so he could give Blue a pretend shower with the pretend hose.

And there I saw where Blue had been “pooping” – a quarter! 

I died of happiness! 

What a perfect pet – It is soft and squishy without shedding; it doesn’t bark or bite; and it poops money!!! 


We played tackle with Blue and took Blue into the fort, and wrestled and snuggled until we were all worn out, and Blue needed a nap (um…and the rest of us!)

And that is the sweet, sweet cream filling story #1 that makes my life the tastiest – The story of Happiest Little Boy and His Dog Named Blue – 

Taylor Swift Range Of Emotions

Releasing of trapped emotions

Last night, I had the great pleasure of facing and releasing some trapped feelings – Taking down that heart wall –

These projects have to be successful, and I can only do that if I let go of shit. #letitgo

In collecting all of my writing that I’ve done over the last few years – and sorting through my Taylor Swift range of emotions, I stumbled across this “little gem.”

This is a combination of things – Random Notes Of Past Pain – and I don’t know who I was speaking to in the “Note To Somebody” – But I wrote a great quote!

My Body is a strong ally who protects me in ways that I cannot comprehend – who defends me when I’m not looking – but who is offended when I’m not listening.

Holy crap – I was some kind of sad. 😦

In a Daring Greatly fashion, I’ll just share all of this pain with cyberspace – and sing “Let It Go” – and then go for a run and/or sing while I run – That sounds more fun!

I’m leaving it raw and honest, just as I found it in my journal, with a few quotes from “New Girl” just to lighten it up a bit. I think as we let go of things, there has to be fun and funny, silly, and play – Not as a shield but as replacement.

Laughter is more powerful than sadness – I think we just forget that sometimes.

…and most of this pain is from a lifetime of self-image problems, judgments and violence against me, and the marriage and divorce – that I can tell you will NEVER happen again.

The economy stinks, bees are dying and movies are pretty much all sequels now.

If it resonates with you, I’d love to hear how it does:

~~ Two Years Ago or so

I’m finished fighting with My Body – I’m done – I’ve had enough. I understand that My Body is not the enemy; My Body is a strong ally who protects me in ways that I cannot comprehend – who defends me when I’m not looking – but who is offended when I’m not listening.

So many times in the past, My Mind has not trusted My Body. They are the siblings who are constantly bickering, and My Soul is caught in the middle.

In the drive across the bridge, I cried great heavy sobs… “I can’t live like this anymore.”

My attempts at healing have consisted of a lot of supplements, a lot of self-help and spiritual advice, a lot of exercise, a lot of avoidance, a lot of great conning, lack of follow-through, despair, and helplessness. I have kept myself so busy – no time to stop – because if I stopped, I would see how miserable I was, so sad and lonely and hurt and completely misunderstood.

I am the queen of great cons, after all. I can put on a great show- everyone is happy and having fun. And behind the curtain, I’m being kicked.

I then would burn out- ditch everything and everyone – in a coma of self-loathing and pity – and not wanting anybody to see that side because the only reason anybody ever liked me was because I made everything look easy, because I was fittest, funnest, smartest…I could inspire the masses, at least for a while.

And I didn’t have anything more than a superficial friend who could tell me all the wonderful things he/she thought about me so I could fill my empty tank with something good.

You know, sometimes I feel like I’ve never really felt love.

Because I spent so much of my life with a voice inside my head saying to me that if I’m not perfect, pretty, and popular, then I’m not only “nothing” – I’m less than nothing.

And if the praise drifted away, so did I.


–Note To Somebody

…I know, because I’ve been there myself.

I know you have to hit the bottom of the abyss and crawl out yourself. Nobody is going to do it for you.

I did that so many times in the last 5 years.

I have never told you much about the situation I found myself in before I met you and I may or may not- but to summarize, I was repeating history. I knew that the only way to get out was to pick myself up and get out.

Suffice to say, the last time I climbed out of the hell hole, I stayed out.

Why? Because I finally declared in all my agony and anguished heaving sobs that I couldn’t live like that anymore. I couldn’t take one more day of it.

This place is fancy and I don’t know which fork to kill myself with.

It’s a lonely place to be. Nobody knows what I have been through in the last 2 years  – because I hurt people and made mistakes. I own those privately and make my amends.

However, that has meant starting over YET AGAIN- How many times do I have to meet people and make new friends?

On the one hand, I owe you nothing. I really don’t and you know that. I’m also not interested in taking your pain for you or cleaning up any mess you’ve made in your destructive wake. Nor do I want to nurse you back to health.

I’m not sure why I feel compelled to offer you a hand or a shoulder or soup. I’ve always felt that way.

~~On A Lighter Note

So now that THAT’S out in the open – Geez –

Now you have to like my darkside too!

I got your text. When you’re going through a ‘Taylor Swift-like range of emotions,’ I should come over, right?


A Dying Man’s Conversation

Including the greatest compliment

I have a lot of clients who “touch” me. There was one in particular who flattered me like no one ever has. He was tall and sturdy, like a great oak tree. And with his deep voice, he reminded me of Treebeard from The Lord of the Rings.

Mr. Oak and I became fast friends. He passionately shared his stories with me – music, adventure, and his travels through Europe.

He had a strong desire to show me all of the most beautiful places in the world.  He loved holding my hand. Yeah, he was probably a “dirty old man” hitting on me since I usually wear my tennis skirt in the summer to give massages, but I loved his stories and his taste in music, so I didn’t care.

I wanted your personality surrounding me.

We first met on the anniversary of his being alive…He called it his second birthday. It was the anniversary of his being shot in Vietnam.

That was the first time he died. He was selflessly saving soldiers, unaware that he himself was bleeding to death. He was awarded a purple heart, bronze star and a silver star for gallantry in action.

I have touched that scar where the medics were going to amputate his leg at the hip.

Every year for a few years, he would come to see me to celebrate his birthday/anniversary. We listened to classical music, discussed faraway places, tastes of other cultures, and other sensory delights that exist throughout the lands that each of us have journeyed to.

One year, he called me requesting a massage and to tell me of his cancer and that he was dying.

I wrote down our conversations we had during his massages – I asked him some of the most candid questions. I just kept the talks “as is.”

We met many times during his treatment and had rather candid discussions about life, death, love, family, music, art, Paris. These stories will be told elsewhere.


My morning with Mister Porter… Just notes..  I was massaging during this entire conversation. I cried more than a few times…

I hit a sore spot medial to the right scapula working anteriorly. His arm gave a spasm.

Me: “Do you shake a lot now?”

Him: “Oh did I shake? Yes, it happens from time to time. My wife gets mad at me. She thinks I can control it.”

Me: “She’s just scared.”

Him: “I know.”

Me: “Are you scared?”

Him: “No, I’m not scared. I’m not looking forward to more pain. I don’t know what to expect or what it will feel like, but I’m not scared.”


Him: “I want to do stuff still, like go to a ball game.”

Me: “Are you able to do that, go to a game? Or are you stuck here?”

Him: “I can go. My daughter-in-law found me a wheelchair and a walker, but I think a wheelchair would be better for going to a game.”

Me: “Yeah, and look at all the perks: up-close parking and your own seat!”

He laughed, “Yep. I need to find a better driver for my wheelchair. My wife is terrible at pushing me.”

Me: “Does she crash into things?”

Him: “Yes, she has no concept of where my feet are.”

Me: “Ha! Clears the roads for everyone behind you though.”

He laughed.


Him: “My daughter-in-law gave us these white bracelets that say ‘cancer sucks’ – I just took mine off for the massage. My wife doesn’t like to wear hers. She thinks it’s inappropriate. I told her that cancer does suck and who cares what it looks like.”

Me: “It’s freeing, isn’t it?”

Him: “What is?”

Me: “Truly not giving a shit what people think.”

Him: “It sure is. I never thought about it like that.”


Me: “Have you picked a date?”

Him: “A date?”

Me: “Yeah, your time to go. Did you pick a really cool date? Because it will be remembered forever.”

Him: “No, I haven’t. I’m not ready to go yet.”

Me: “Are you going to? Pick a date ”

Him: “That’s a good idea. I didn’t think about that. I’ll consider it.”

Him: “Thank you for talking about this. My wife can’t talk about it.”

Me: “My pleasure. I love talking to you.”


Him: “Hospice has been great. They bring me anything I need, meds, equipment…even a hospital bed, although I haven’t pulled the trigger in that.”

Me: “There’s nothing like your own bed.”

Him: “They did give me a table for the bedside, so everything is within reach. …Did I tell you my sister has cancer too?”

Me: “No, I didn’t know that. How is your mom handling all of this?”

Him: “My sister had to have a double mastectomy. Mom is 97 now, and that was really hard for her.”

Me: “Being a mom, I can tell you that at any age, no mom wants to outlive her kids.”

Him: “I can tell you this: life really is short. That’s not bullshit. You have to REALLY LIVE!”

Me: “Amen to that!”

I high-fived him.


Him: “My feet are always cold.”

Me: “This one isn’t. It’s nice and warm.”

Him: “Oh. It feels cold as you’re rubbing it.”

Me: “Is that because my hands are hot?”

Him: “I don’t know. They’re almost numb.”

Me: “Oh, maybe that’s the morphine. I’ve never taken morphine. I don’t know what it feels like.”

Him: “It’s a trip!!”

Me: “Ooo look at all the pretty colors! Ha ha”

He laughed “I wish it was that kind of trip.”

Me: “Maybe hospice can bring you a disco ball, and you can have all the pretty colors all the time.”

He laughed really hard and coughed.


The pain was really deep… A lot of trigger points through trapezius and into serratus and intercostals.

I asked him where he would like to visit before he dies.

Him: “You know I can’t go anywhere.”

Me: “I know. But I can. I’ll take you in my heart.”

He said: “I would fly into Amsterdam and stay there for a day or two. Then go to Brussels. My favorite restaurant is there: Vincent’s.”

Me: “What kind of food do they have?”

Him: “MEAT!! Ha ha! The best pepper steak. They first brought out a bucket of mussels. Of course I was young enough to put away the bucket myself. … And when you first get there, you leave your name and go across the street for a drink and wait for your table to be ready. And then I had to use the restroom. That was our first experience with a unisex bathroom….

…and then Belgium where the chocolate is divine….”

Me: “What is the best mode if transportation to all of these places? Train? Car?”

Him: “Oh train. We’ve rented a car, but even in much better health, I would travel by train…

…and Paris… Visit the museums. You have to make friends with the desk clerks. They will share with you the very best restaurants. One was a college student, and she told us where she and her boyfriend lives to go. So my wife and I went. It was inexpensive too – she was a college student… And sure enough, there she was with her boyfriend. It’s nice that they’ll tell you where they honestly go….

…and then take the channel into London because we have friends in London, and into Scotland. But you might like to go Florence next. There is more art in Florence.”


He complained of more pain in his shoulders from coughing so much.

Me: “I should have started out deeper. Sorry. I didn’t know what you could handle or what to expect.”

Him: “Sorry. I didn’t know either. It’s in my bones, and I didn’t know…”

Me: “I know.. A fracture would not be fun. But I want to make sure I’m helping you. I can come back every week, if that is helpful.”

Him: “I’ll know in a couple of days.”

Me: “Yes, I know. And let’s face it, I’m here for more than trigger points.”

Him: “You’re right. I wanted your personality surrounding me.”


I asked him what he thought it would feel like – meaning passing on.

He chuckled:  “I don’t know, but I’ll find you afterwards and let you know.”

Today, I wrote about something Mr. Oak said to me during one of our last visits, and that was when he told me that he requested my presence not just to ease his pain, but to have my personality surround him – That is the greatest compliment I have ever known and will probably ever hear in this lifetime.


Upon that remembrance, I realized the date and noted that I hadn’t heard about his status. I looked in the obituaries and discovered that he died in April. Upon reading that news, and even though I knew he was near the end of this current life for him, I cried.


At that point, my next client was to arrive at any minute. I choked back sobs and freshened up. I put on my peppiest smile and fetched her.


As I began, the tears were running down my face. I looked at my goodies on the shelves around my room, and I thought, “I have to tell Mr. KC.”

Even though Mr. KC and Mr. Oak never met, they did hear stories about each other. These two men have inspired great passion in my life and have secured long-term residence in my heart.


I listened to the music, tears burning my face, as my client’s head rested in my hands.

Just then, quite suddenly, a small rectangular piece of paper drifted from the shelf where it had been sitting since January (so at least 6 months) to the floor – for no reason. There was no breeze or movement in the room.

I had placed that little slip of paper selectively with a jar containing sand and a sand dollar from a faraway island in the Philippines, a most treasured gift representing freedom, friendship, and adventure.


In that instant, the tears stopped. Peace and warmth filled the room. I knew what was written on that paper…My inspired spirits had spoken to me.


Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. Hummingbirds open our eyes to the wonder of the world and inspire us to open our hearts to loved ones and friends. Like a hummingbird, we aspire to hover and to savor each moment as it passes, embrace all that life has to offer and to celebrate the joy of everyday. The hummingbird’s delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life’s sweetest creation.


After my client left, I replaced the little note back with the jar, and it didn’t move again for the rest of the day, not a flitter or flutter.


He said he would find me afterwards…I guess he did! It must not have been too bad after all.


When I finished working and arrived at home, I signed Mr. Oak’s guest book, and this is what I said:


Thank you for sharing wisps of your spirit with me. I feel incredibly blessed and honored that you shared the stories of your life’s greatest adventures with me… And the journey not yet taken, as I promised you, will be done with you in my heart. I sincerely hope that this journey you are now on is the greatest. I miss our talks, my great friend, Mr. Oak. I play Beethoven’s 9th in your honor.



Spirit Animals

Spirit Animals

There was an interesting video that made the rounds on the Internet called “The Hot Crazy Matrix” and it’s a dating guide for men.

I’m writing my own version for women: “A Single Girl’s Guide To Mastering The Unicorn Zone.”

It’s a guide to get to know who you are, not a guide to change who you are.

If you don’t know who you are or have insight into your personality, projection, rapport, wants & needs, or sexuality, how can you find ANYONE to date, love, like, be with?

I have friends with very little insight into who they are and what others see – They think they are definitely something or someone else, and this inconsistency is a woman’s “crazy.”

What do spirit animals have to do with dating, the “Hot Crazy Matrix,” and getting to know yourself?

Let’s first learn what a spirit animal is.

A spirit animal is meant to be a representation of the traits and skills that you are supposed to have or need to learn.

You have life spirit animals who are with you always, and you also have mythical spirit animals who come and go during the course of your life.

My daughter and I were talking about spirit animals when we saw the premiere of Guardians of the Galaxy while at Disneyland.

In her earlier years, during her awkward stages of life and development, her spirit animal was Eeyore from Winnie The Pooh.


Now that she has become a full-fledged woman with all kinds of personality, she has developed a strong sense of self – and we have a solid bond of friendship and camaraderie.

 And we both noted that Rocket, the gun-toting, snarky, militant space racoon, is her spirit animal.

Here is a representative scene of Rocket’s unique spunk. It is the scene where the group is deciding to go into battle, and each member stands up and voices his/her agreement to take up the charge in the face of death. They all turn and look at Rocket who is sitting.

He says: “Aww, what the hell, I don’t got that long a lifespan anyway.” 

Then he stands up and says, “Well now I’m standing. Happy? We’re all standing now. Bunch of jackasses, standing in a circle.”


Yes, that’s my daughter.

I was so happy that she was able to determine her true spirit animal…and that it had been upgraded from Eeyore to Rocket.


I decided to seek some assistance in this realm and took some quizzes and did some research to discover my life spirit animals are the hawk and the butterfly – and my mythical spirit animal is the unicorn.

Hawk: The hawk’s powers include communicating with the divine, discerning powers in others, and having photographic memory. Hawks are the messengers of the Spirits.



 Adept with language, you might be a writer or a teacher. Your ability to assess situations impartially means that people often seek your guidance before making decisions. A brilliant visionary, you sometimes forget the mundane details of life like eating, sleeping, or paying bills.


The hawk provides wisdom about seeing situations from a higher perspective, using the power of observation, and focusing on the task at hand. It’s a good companion to develop spiritual awareness.


When you have the hawk as a spirit animal, you may have a natural inclination to receive visions, either in dreams or awake. Your extra sensory abilities and intuition are supported by the power of this animal. You may have an inclination towards using the power of vision and intuition in your daily life.


Butterfly: The butterfly symbolizes personal transformation, lightness of being, and playfulness.


If you see the butterfly as your spirit animal, pay attention to the areas in your life or personality that are in need of profound change or transformation.


An important message carried by the spirit of the butterfly is about the ability to go through important changes with joy, grace and lightness.


Unicorn: The unicorn is a magical animal, not bound by earthly form, releasing the fear of vulnerability by standing in the power of one’s uniqueness.



You are the stuff of dreams — beautiful, athletic, alluring, just a touch Bohemian and more than slightly dangerous. Friends, family, co-workers, they all find you hard to resist once you turn on the charm.


The unicorn power animal has many positive characteristics including astonishing powers of perception way beyond the limited senses of the material realm.


The unicorn possesses instinctive and emotional understanding. The unicorn has the ability to restore broken spirits, helps you develop personal power that can be unlimited, is powerful itself and yet at the same time, very gentle.


The spiral horn of the Unicorn can heal and neutralize poisons; therefore, the unicorn spirit can also help its people develop their own healing abilities.



That is spooky accurate.

How to UPGRADE your life in 3 simple steps

Here are the 3 simple steps to upgrading your life: 


Step #1 – Let Go of Limitations

One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting you.

Step #2 – Use What You Already Have

You’re already awesome – Why aren’t you using it?

Step #3 – Show Up

The secret behind any successful person is that simple – Those two syllables: SHOW UP!

Your Other Option – Stay Stuck

Of course, if you choose not to do anything, you can stay right where you are, emotionally eating that bowl of ice cream, scanning OK Cupid for someone to pay attention to you, and continuing to wonder why you can’t have what you want.

If this is where you are, then please leave me a comment below and tell me why you want to marry that bag of potato chips.


5 Simple Steps To Success

Live each moment on purpose in 5 simple steps

It’s so simple – It’s just one little shift – simple but not easy.

It takes practice.

It is our divine right as inhabitants on this planet to LIVE ON PURPOSE.

Life isn’t an accident and isn’t some force that is happening to you.

Every moment presents a special gift.
Every effect is caused by your action.
Every word that you say and think has meaning.
Every person you encounter has a purpose.

How do you create this shift?
How do you begin to LIVE ON PURPOSE?

As I said above, it’s simple – Practicing it takes practice!

These are the basic steps:
1. Feel
2. Pay attention
3. Ask
4. Pay attention
5. Act

Here’s an example: Rather than “vegging out” to the television
to de-stress from a long day at work, take a moment to check
in with yourself in a quiet space – Ask yourself what you’re feeling
and allow yourself to feel it.

Pay attention to what you “hear” – What are you really feeling? Listen.

Place your hands over your heart – and ask yourself again.
Place your hands on your tummy, just under your your belly
button, and ask yourself again.

Engage in a focused activity (walking, yoga, cooking, listening
to music, or continue to be in the silent space)…and ask yourself
what you need.

Then give yourself what you need.

Practice this – It only takes a few minutes. You’ll find that
with daily practice, each day becomes just a bit better and
more productive than the day before.

…let me just take a moment to mention how incredible sex becomes…


Try it- let me know how you do.

Learn these steps PLUS the language behind the scenes
that will bring forth all the awesomeness that’s inside of you.

Register now >> Retreat of Awesomeness

The early bird deadline is just 7 days away – August 20th.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity.

Register now >> Retreat of Awesomeness

Gourmet lunch will be served as well – We are feeding our
souls and our bodies 🙂



Frenemies ~ Myself And I

Frenemies: Myself And I

AKA – How To Start To Lose Weight And Be Happy


The most important part of my in-person work is listening.

I listen all day long.

You’d think it would be “touching,” since I’m a massage therapist. But no, in fact – I do more listening than anything else.

I do listen with my hands as well as my ears though 🙂

I’m a certified health counselor too – It’s funny how the two come together. I understand why there is a couch in the therapist’s office.

A client lies down – and once comfortable, they tell me things. #igotdirt

The story below is not unique. I hear it so regularly that I feel compelled to share it, with the hope that we can start some sort of support group or something – #helpusall


My client Ms. Ponygirl arrived for her appointment. I asked her what was new and different this week.

Her “new and different” this week was overwhelming fatigue…needing to crawl back into bed after waking up and then taking a nap just a few hours later.

The ever present “need to lose weight,” approximately 20 pounds, was weighing heavy on her as well.

I think she was extremely concerned about each, as if both were indicative of a life-threatening health problem, but she beat herself up about both.

She was extremely agitated and frustrated by her week, and she shared (unloaded) her stories. #watchtheFbombs

She vented about work – various circumstances that occurred during the last two weeks that caused her to have too much work – so much so that she had to approach her boss about getting some help for her…

…and then family frustration…pets, boyfriend, housework…etc., etc.

As she described all of this, her frustration caused the volume of her voice to escalate.

I listened until she took a breath.

I also found a tasty trigger point in her neck that was somewhat paralyzing and forced a pause. #ilovemyjob

She then calmly said, “I think that I’m so tired because I might be coming down with something.” #denial

“The story you just told me would explain your fatigue,” I reassured her.

Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.

We dove a little deeper into the weight issue. She described staying on track with regard to her “diet” during the week but then she was “bad” on the weekends.


I said, “Please describe how you sabotage yourself. What happens on the weekend that is different during the week?”

She explained one weekend where she had a house-warming party to celebrate her yard being finished. She invited friends over and had the party catered. It was a fun time, but she ate the party food. She explained she didn’t eat too much of it and only drank half of a homemade margarita.

Hmmm…that doesn’t sound so horrible…

She said she is tired of making excuses and just needs to do it, but she also feels sabotaged by her boyfriend, who has also gained weight (20-30 pounds) since they have been together.

He likes to eat junk food. She makes him keep it in is truck so it’s not in the house because if it’s in the house, she’s going to eat it because she can’t say “no.”

She expressed guilt at asking him to not have the junk food in the house. She said that it wasn’t fair to him.

However, it’s her house, and they technically don’t live together.

She claimed that he’s not supportive because he wants to go out to eat, and he likes to have drinks, etc., etc.

She also said that she has no willpower and she can’t figure out why she can’t say “no” to her cravings.

She wondered if she was bored or tired or just hated her job…


Here’s where my out-of-the-box thinking and what I know about the human body and the “spirit that resides within” come into play.

Because it’s not about the food…not 100% of the time…

It’s not about the food, but it’s NOT not about the food.

Since this weight problem has been an issue for about a year, I asked some deeper questions.

When I go deep, I explain that I don’t need the answer for me –

It’s for her to answer for herself. Just something for her to think about and see if it applies to her situation.

…just something to break up what’s possibly buried underneath…

But she needs to explore it for herself and she needs to see what comes up.

I said, “Maybe it’s not just working too much. Maybe the work itself is also a symptom of a larger problem…” 

Her anger went into a holding pattern as she listened to me.

“Perhaps there’s a bigger problem that you’re avoiding when you binge on chips and you binge on work…Something else in your life that is not quite satisfying, and you’re avoiding THAT when you binge,” I said.

She said, “I don’t know what that would be.”

I said, “If you were alone, how would you handle this situation? What would you do differently to support yourself if you didn’t have another person to blame or feel guilty for?”

She got very quiet.

And then I added the “cherry on top” of the non-sugar-coated bitchslap sundae:

“At what point did you break up with yourself?”

She didn’t say another word.

And I listened to the overwhelming sadness fill the room.


I’ve been there – Traveled on that road where I am no longer my own friend, but my own enemy.

My previous dating experience was a valuable lesson in just how this process works and what I have done to myself when I enter a relationshit that is in the middle of the zombie apocalypse –

It gave me the “aha moment” of just what I had done to myself in my marriage as well.

I broke up with myself, and I broke my own heart.

And it was not the relationshit with the guy – It was never really about that. It was all me.

Here’s what happened:

I actually had a talk with my other half (me) where I said to my beloved self:

“Look, we need to have a serious talk, Self. I’ve met someone else…

…You’re great, but he’s the jealous type – doesn’t want to share me with anyone…

…He said he would take care of me, and I’ve never had that, so you’re going to have to go, Self…

…I have to be there all the time, so I have to give up some of the things that I really love, and that means time with you, Self…

…I really want to make this thing work because I don’t want to die alone, and you’re not enough for me, Self.”

I actually gave myself the stereotypical line, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

I broke up with myself and I broke my own heart.

I knew the second I did that because I cried every day after that.

…and I found myself ensconced in dysfunction that I accepted – and actually broke up with myself to be in – and I was in the zombie apocalypse.

…and then I was too ashamed to crawl back to myself and ask myself to take me back…

…until I knew without a doubt that I was causing my own pain – until I just couldn’t take the heartache anymore…

…and until I knew that making amends and correcting the situation I had put myself in was the only thing that would save my life.

From a purely diet/body perspective, my heartache was actually causing my body to hold onto fat…

What is the role of “fat” in the body? Protection.

My body was protecting myself from the enemy that I had become to myself.


Ladies (and guys) – Have you broken up with yourself?

If you have, please take the necessary steps to forgive yourself for making a huge error in judgment and take yourself back – and love yourself.

Because until you do that – no diet will help you lose weight.

No man (or woman) will be right for you.

There will be no joyous, well-balanced, fully functional relationship (or whatever you want to call it) –

There will only be a dysfunctional relationshit filled with blame, complacency, fighting, guilt, and zombies.

…and you’ll probably be a fat zombie who moves as fast as a sloth stuck in syrup…


Where do you start?

Get back to basics:

  1. Take that step to love yourself.
  2. Write in a journal.
  3. Ask yourself deeper questions before you eat something – “What am I feeling?”
  4. Get to know yourself without judgment. Do you know what closet your skeletons are in? What do you love to do? What’s your favorite seat in the movie theater? If you were by yourself right now, how would you feel? If you could do anything right now, what would it be?

Get your body moving:

  1. Walking is awesome. You don’t have to kill yourself to move yourself.
  2. Pick up a copy of the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Workout – and then do it. It’s a great workout and you’ll learn what to do in case the zombies are hunting you down.
  3. Yoga and/or stretching.

Do something silly and fun:

If you want to ditch the judgment, you have to be silly and accept every nerdy thing about yourself and celebrate it!

  1. My buddies at Nerd Fitness suggested doing something you suck at –
  2. Have a crazy hair day.
  3. Take stupid selfies.
  4. PLAY like a kid!

Book some time for a chat with me

Take a moment to schedule a chat – or a few sessions:

New Client <<== Here if you’ve never met with me before

Already a client <<== Here if you already know and love me ❤

Because – maybe a non-sugar-coated bitchslap sundae is just what you need to get you out of your funk.

She called it a slap, but I called it a high-five to my face. Love is so encouraging!



Quotes above are by Dale Carnegie; Geneen Roth; Jarod Kintz.

The Fellowship of the Falls – Book 1: Chapter 1

To The Falls and Back Again

Book 1: Chapter 1

The world has changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air.

I have returned from an arduous trek – A quest to test the limits of my spirit and my physical being – and I was joined by 4 incredible men – together united by one common goal: To have a kick-ass EPIC adventure and not die. #truestory

It’s a dangerous business going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.

We began as 5 individuals (subset of a larger group): Captain Amazing, Mr. Julie McCoy, me, Mr. Luge,  and Mr. Bobby (pictured below).

However, as our journey unfolded, we became a family united in comradery, jokes, laughter, daring feats of strength, and a will to make it back to the top of the Canyon with our gear, without the assistance of mules.


I’ll go ahead and treat some of our camp antics like Vegas…what was said and heard at camp, stays at camp. I believe I’ve earned a reputation – which I’m more than okay with because I earned it.

But I have a feeling that my little Vegas rule is not going to hold up, and what was said and heard at camp will come back up and out every time we are together! I might as well throw out the Vegas rule and just spill. #ohohoh

Pre-saga: Planning

Unlike Frodo Baggins, we did plan our descent into the Canyon under the guidance of our faithful cruise director Mr. Julie McCoy, planning meals; carefully measuring and weighing gear; ordering more gear; organizing and reorganizing gear; ordering more gear; envisioning what we would need and when; and making sure each of us could handle the load…and ordering more gear.  #ocd

…except for rogue Mr. Bobby, who insisted on carrying the weight of another person plus the other person’s gear in his ultimate vision quest to have his own survivalist TV show – When he gets it, I want to find out what the camera crew does when the survivalist star is near death – Are they doing shots of whiskey and having a good laugh??

In my own training, I climbed a lot of stairs and visited Captain Amazing – I had to make sure the reputation I was about to establish was at its peak. 🙂  I performed admirably.

We did a pre-hike hike and pre-camp camp – It looked like we were as ready as we were going to be for the first of what will be MANY adventures.

However, Captain Amazing couldn’t find his flip-flops – damnit! Where is that x-ray vision??

Day 1: The Journey Begins

We arrived at our meeting place where gear was sorted and loaded into our vehicle, filled to the brim. We should have taken a picture of the back of the car – next trip.

We set sail at 5pm through rush-hour traffic to meet up with other members of the group: Challenge #1.

Home is behind, the world ahead, and there are many paths to tread through shadows to the edge of night, until the stars are all alight.

It was 80 or so degrees leaving Phoenix. We arrived in Flagstaff where the temperature was cut in half – We were hungry and thirsty and a little weary. We dragged our cold parched bodies from the car to the pub.

After round #1 of beverages – we were warmed up and our personalities came out –

We made introductions to the other subset of our complete camp. Ms. 3-Liters-Of-Wine (Ms. 3L for short) asked how our merry LOUD band of five knew each other.

I summarized for her: “They are all my clients – Mr. Bobby is my brother (pointing to him). This one (indicating Captain Amazing) used to be married to his (Mr. Luge) sister. These two were fraternity brothers in college (pointing to Mr. Julie McCoy and Mr. Luge); and I’m sleeping with him (pointing to Captain Amazing).

And then we all chanted – “Jer-ry, Jer-ry, Jer-ry!!!!!!”  #jerryspringer

Note: I love being one of the guys. It wayyy more fun than being one of the girls. #iloveboys

After thoroughly embarrassing and harassing our bar wench about the size of her breasts and various other inappropriate topics, it was time to move on – with another 2-½ hours of driving left to go to reach the trail head.

By the way, Captain Amazing did NOT sleep at all that last leg of the drive – but snored amazingly well for a wide awake man 😉 He is amazing, after all! #breatherightstrips

We arrived at the trail head lot at about midnight. There were cars everywhere, lining both sides of the narrow road and filling the parking lot. We found our parking spot…

Our original intention was to pitch a tent and sleep in it; however, we didn’t move from our spots in the car.

As exhaustion set in, I listened to these 4 men sleep, breathing deeply, with heads bobbing every which way, and I drifted in and out of uncomfortable quasi-sleep….UNCOMFORTABLE is the key word here.

…until thankfully Captain Amazing insisted it was time to move because he hadn’t slept at all – hmmmm… #denial

So we opened the car doors and let in the freezing air, exited the car, and began Day #2 – which looked like this:














The quoted material and characters from Lord of the Rings are the property of JRR Tolkien. I’m in awe of his creative genius. This is just a blog and just for fun.


Zippity Doo Dah

I have spent the last 30 days writing for myself daily and posting those thoughts for the world to see.

Kinda cool, kinda scary.

Will they like me? Will I piss them off with my opinion?

I haven’t offered strong opinions yet – except for Responsibility – and I was pleased that someone didn’t agree with everything offered there 🙂

I had thought about writing a series of articles ahead of time and scheduling them – but I didn’t. I wrote every day. Most days, I didn’t know what my word was going to be or what I was going to write about.

It’s a proud moment for myself. YAY me!

The journey began: I had just moved (still have boxes) and spent months in relationship hell trying to get fully out of something where I didn’t belong, asking myself why I entered into it when I knew from the start it was not going to work.

The “why” is very clear – there were things I hadn’t learned yet:

  • Forgiveness and understanding of just what my marriage was like for the other person and my role mirrored back for me – that itself was worth the price of admission.
  • I learned to argue and redirect the antagonist – Unfortunately, this was a DAILY occurrence and absolutely exhausting. I’m not interested in doing this again.  In my prior life before this experience, I hadn’t ever properly fought with anyone. I usually backed away in silence. But I am glad to know that I’m capable.
  • I learned that I’m not broken – even when I felt broken – that my path is MINE and it’s not because I’m not open or I haven’t found the right man or whatever other bullshit that men of have told me about me (which I now understand was their sales pitch to get me to go out with them – NO!)
  • I also understand fully how my emotional state manifests itself physically – without doubt – without question.  So if I’m dating someone and my body presents pain or starts getting soft and not being its best, then it’s time to call a meeting for body, mind, and spirit and evaluate the entire situation.

I have freedom and answers to questions about myself – really knowing who I am and having an unwavering understanding of my unique needs and wants – and they are unique – so my body is behaving as it should, it feels amazing – and I’m mentally/spiritually very intact.

I no longer ask myself, “What’s wrong with me?”  I ask, “What’s RIGHT with me?”

I celebrate my nerdiness, my weirdness, my abhorrence of drama, my joy at walking outside, my singing to myself all day long ~

It’s all great stuff…and no one will cage me or speak for me or tell me what to wear, where to go, whom I should be with. I will not accept criticism or judgment over how I live my life or what makes me happy.

EXCEPT: I gave permission to my closest friends to slap me if I think it’s a good idea to have roommates again – not good –

…My oh my…it’s a wonderful day.