Dream Managing Part 1

Genie's_Lamp

I’m sitting on the edge of a deeply skewed reality (delusion technically) while facing an illusion, a dream…A list of them really.

 

I’ve known for the last year that THIS LAST YEAR was pivotal in making me whole. I’ve known for the last many years, really since the night I “died” in October 2007 that I’ve been broken.

 

Not just broken in half, like I originally thought. I’ve been shattered into a thousand pieces.

 

I created the delusion of happiness for my survival so that I could put myself back together. But it’s like putting together a hollow chocolate bunny.

 

It’s that I don’t have substance or depth – I just haven’t been COMPLETE or whole. And I’ve lived in that skewed reality for soooooo long that I don’t remember anymore what it’s like to be a whole person – and that scares me.

 

Two weeks ago, we sat in the Dream Room at my awesome work place. To call it “work” doesn’t really capture what this place is and what we do. It’s like Disneyland for business – and nerds 🙂 We have a Dream Room – nuff said.

 

My team had a dream session with our dream manager: Goal – to dream…and to dream BIG…get outside our comfort zones…then reconvene 2 weeks later with a list of dreams so we can take the next steps to making them come true. #WishUponAStar

 

I started making my list, and anytime a certain dream made me uncomfortable (i.e. “that’ll never happen”) I wrote it down. Prior to last Friday, October 29, my list looked like this:

  • Youngest, Middlest, and Oldest to be able to travel with me and to be able to come to Rocky Point with Captain Amazing and me.
  • Make $100,000 annually and keep growing that until (see the third item).
  • Fix my shoulder.
  • Create the business that Captain Amazing and I always talk about – and that business earns over $13,000,000 in revenue annually and ultimately monthly.
  • Captain Amazing manages my wealth, and it earns enough money from his mad skills that I don’t have to work anymore, but I still want to because I love what I do.
  • Walk The Camino – Round Trip
  • Plan, attend, lead other retreats worldwide.
  • New Car that I OWN – and 1 for Middlest and 1 for Youngest …Plus a fun car that I own…no payments…and someone I can rely upon to handle all of the maintenance on it so that I don’t have to worry about that stuff.
  • Play tennis again consistently.
  • Employee of the month.
  • A new position at work created for me 🙂
  • Write, publish, and sell my books –
  • A “Personal Team” – in which it’s a family but without the traditional headaches of a family – Completely new invention of what a “family” is and what a “couple” is:  with a new house with a “man cave” and “woman cave” for private time for the adults…further defined as the blog has been laid out (See My Radical Views of Relationships, Voices And Other Things In My Mouth)
    • House on a beach (beaches)
    • House on a lake North to escape the summer heat.
  • Bodyfat percent of 18% because I lift weights appropriately, do an appropriate amount of cardio, have a personal trainer that I see every day, and a personal chef who plans out my food so I don’t have to do it.
    • True Confession: Pose in Playboy when I turn 50 (I wrote that gem down when I was 18) – Although I’d like to do that the first time at age 47 and then be a recurring guest.
  • Spend more social time with people that I like on a consistent basis.
  • Restore my neural pathways to undo traumatic damage.
  • Equine therapy (although I think I’d be really outstanding at this)
  • Skydiving
  • Travel the world – seeking adventure, but also writing about it, podcasting about it. Maybe for a whole year (depends on the formation of the PERSONAL TEAM and how the Monthly Revenue shakes out – because I want them on these journeys)…
  • Retreats – this has been a recurrent dream that is currently in negotiation with one of my clients. I tried to get that off the ground as a business, but I was in “desperation” mode, and dreams don’t come true in “desperation” mode.
  • Plan more vacation and more time off so that I can have more of a life.
  • Continue to add to this list
  • Be a public speaker – Ted Talk and Wisdom 2.0 – More importantly, The Moth.
  • Go to Turkey for Maya’s detox program – Attend her certification in Kundalini Yoga.
  • Go to a 4-week intensive fitness, yoga, mega healthy retreat.
  • Go to Bali and write with Mastin Kipp
  • The winning lottery ticket for the carpool duo.

I put some of the things in motion as I was writing them down. Ironically last Friday, my car broke, to the point that it may be totaled. I think the trauma was internalized.

Captain Amazing rescued me – so good!

I’m now carpooling to work, spending quality time with someone I like very much, and with whom I can have elevated discussion.

I am close to picking up enough clients to satisfy the extra $50,000 I need to hit the $100,000 annual, so now I’m growing that.

I did reach out to my tennis coach, but I had to cancel that lesson. Regrouping on that one.

And then…I found out that I’d been nominated for employee of the month – While I didn’t win ultimately, the magical list is doing it’s thing.

…to be continued…

 

Career Aspirations – Part II

As of today, May 24, 2015, I have 4 massages left to finish up my massage therapy career. It’s been something I’ve been planning for over a year. It’s terrifying!

And explains my conspicuous absence from the blog I love so very, very much.

As I rekindle my fond love affair with myself and my blog, I have to share something rather “special,” possibly “special needs,” which I CAN say and remain within the realm of political correctness since my son is special needs.

I have co-created Wild Women Of Wellness, where I have finally determined the new word – opposite of relationshit, which is “real”ationship. We have created an 8-week online program, with a musical theme, much like a Broadway Show, and the greatest idea I’ve ever had coming to life – a true “choose your own adventure” and story book that you write yourself, to heal yourself.

As I developed this idea and brightened the light bulb over my head, which was more like a neon bar sign, and worked with my Infusionsoft coach, I discovered I found a big corporation that I actually have an affinity for.

And the more I learned, studying every video I could get my hands on, the more I thought – “I would work for this company.”

So I took a big giant step toward that, went to their website, and discovered they are hiring – oooo lucky me. Of course, I had to pull up my old job application from last year, so they can see that I’m not a one-off.

I shared the company and the video of their culture with Youngest, who said, “Wow, you’d do so good there.” 

So I went through the questions. I didn’t copy them because I didn’t know I would be posting this, but I’ll try to remember the best I can. (IQ=Infusionsoft Question. MA=My Answer)

IQ: 1. If you could be a cereal, what would you be?

MA: I would love to be a Froot Loop because I’m goofy, fruity, and colorful. However, I’m not artificial anything. I’m as REAL as it gets.

I could be Frosted Flakes because I’m GRRRRREAT! And if a tiger wearing an ascot describes me with such enthusiasm, that’s just awesome.

I’m definitely NOT Cinnamon Toast Crunch because I am not a cannibal.

Youngest offered a suggested question, which I did put into my application. If we are going for REAL here, then let’s do it – Go BIG or go home!

She suggested they simply ask: “Marvel or DC? If so, why.” …and then not hire anybody who says DC.

There were questions asking me how I encourage others to live their dreams, and well that was like asking me how I breathe in and out every day. Nobody should work like in an environment like Joe Versus The Volcano or live in the Zombie Apocalypse.

Here is the recap from last year. Enjoy.

I have to finish the mind-map and links for my technical work of art that combines hiking and adventure retreats with Hero’s Journeys and lots of feeling words.

========================================================

In true daring, confident cat form – and to launch my writing exposure
and prowess, I responded to an email, in which the sender said he
was hiring.

I love working for myself, but working online and writing every day on
subject matter that I’ve been studying my entire life for someone else
and having the chance to learn and hone my internet marketing skills –

Well, I just couldn’t sit around and think, “Gee, I might not get it.”

No, in my true daring confident cat form, I responded – I was going to
make sure that Mr. Publisher noticed me.

His initial call to action was this:
================================================

Subject: We are HIRING — have what it takes?

We are HIRING!

If you are interested in part-time or potentially full time employment in
my e-publishing company, working from the leisure of your own home,
working your own hours and being part of a GREAT team, we want to
hear from you!

Please take the time to read through the job description and be 100%
certain that this is something you would be interested in BEFORE
applying.

We are looking for PASSIONATE people!

=================================================

He went on to list the qualifications and tasks required, which I will
share with you in my response, so you don’t have to read everything
twice. 🙂 You’re welcome!

Here is my reply, which I sent from my Ipad (note the signature):

================================================

Subject: RE: Do I have what it takes?

Yes Mr. Publisher- I most certainly do have what it takes. You asked for
one paragraph; however, the eye flows with white space, so I’ve broken
that paragraph into smaller pieces.

Let’s take a little walk, shall we?

Please step into my “office.” As a female entrepreneur, massage therapist,
former personal trainer, and writing/marketing goddess, I am absolutely
qualified to assist your operations manager.

I have the talent, skill, and passionate enthusiasm to undertake your
requests and go the extra mile.

I am fully committed to the transition from one-on-one client inspirational
work to magnifying my online presence and income potential through writing,
affiliate programs, social media, and amplifying my overall presence through
speaking engagements.

With this exciting opportunity you are offering me, we can create a successful
relationship that will support each of us in aspiring to new heights in our
businesses.

Please have a seat.

I have attached my wonderful resume, which you can sit back and peruse
at your leisure. You can also read some of my blog posts.

I am going to fetch some coffee. Would you like some while you read? No?
OK, I know how busy you must be with this request you sent out.

Have a very lovely day, Mr. Publisher. I’m looking forward to chatting
with you more!

~Mindy Neal, aka The Goddess of Healing.

PS

I’ll go over each of the qualifications, just so you have that for your records.
My responses are in red.

– English as first language –  yes, baby talk actually being first.
– Involved in fitness –  yes, fitness nut, cross-fit competitor and former certified personal trainer.
– Able to write persuasive emails and has good copywriting skills. “Come with me if you want to not die.”  – borrowed that line from the Lego Movie 🙂
– Very attentive to details.  Nearly OCD, in a good way.
– Extremely organized. My folders are in folders.
– Responsible, reliable and trustworthy. I depend upon myself and I’m the mother of three (one autistic) teens.  I’ve also handled thousands of dollars in cash in former professions.
– A good team player. “Team” is my middle name. Not really, it’s Suebut don’t tell anyone.
– Eager to learn and improve your skills. Yes!!!
– Able to accept constructive comments and feedback while staying positive Yes, I can take a deep breath and look at situations from all angles.
– Fast learner and being able to adapt to different situations on a regular basis. Very adaptable.
– Able to follow instructions. Are they illustrated?
– Knowledge of WordPress, GetReponse and Aweber (or other mailing
provider), and standard programs like Word, Excel and Powerpoint.
I haven’t used GetResponse, but the others YES – I have also used Constant Contact and Mail Chimp.
– Graphic Design skills an asset. I make my own pins on Pinterest.

– Sent from my tablet of awesomeness –

==============================================

By the way, I got the job 🙂

The Speech

He Popped My Public-Speaking Cherry  🙂

I hope the college kids from the class are reading this!

I asked Mr. Julie McCoy if there were restrictions to what I can talk about.

I’m not sure if he actually reads my blog.

He said no cussing and no talking about sex.

Clearly, he reads my blog.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

I thought, “OK, I can do this. I’ve been boring once. I can remember how that went.”

I saw this as a huge opportunity. I wasn’t getting paid, nor would I get new clients from the experience…YET…

But as I embark on all these career changes, “public speaking” is top of the list….

And like sex, the first time just isn’t going to be great.

I know “50 Shades of Grey” tells a different story, but I don’t think the author has actually had sex, or she would have gotten that detail correct…just saying…

So I was getting the first time out of the way with a friend (just like I did way back when with my real virginity) – or in my case today, friends – and also in my case, two man friends.

My life rocks!

I talked about the Vanilla Version of the content of this blog – My Passion and my mission to release everyone from the zombie apocalypse (status quo).

The improv Q&A at the end was more engaging and fun than the “speech” part, although I wrote a damn fine speech! I think I’ll start with that next time, add some dancing, and maybe have all of us sit on the floor.

I had started to put together a Power Point Presentation, but I’ve never actually done that – EEEK – confession of a tech nerd.

So I put the presentation down and I started my speech just like I write anything else, thinking I could add the presentation in later…I still can…

The speech was today, and I was still editing it today – so I decided to use good old fashioned white board with dry erase markers and hearts around my name.

speech1

I did put together a soundtrack too – which kicks ass – Here it is >> GCU Ignite Your Imagination Playlist.

I’m sure I would have made more of an impact had I been dressed up like Mystique…

speech2

But it was fun anyway. Like I said, the fact that I got the first one out of the way is HUGE.

I’m no longer a public speaking virgin. Now I can really cut loose and explore the risque side of that realm, jazz it up, be a little less “vanilla” — Maybe get the handcuffs out.

gcu1

I got this great purple T-shirt though! Woot!!

I’m now an honorary member of the Jerry Colangelo School of Business at Grand Canyon University.

Hey Students – If you’re visiting me here, be sure to reach out.

Like I said – I met Oprah:

oprah haleakala oprah haleakala4

 

Living Bigger

The original working title for this post was “Dreaming Bigger” –

But dreaming is not big enough anymore – The dreams are here right now, so LIVING BIGGER is where it’s at!

I have launched HUGE changes in my life –

These huge changes have meant tight schedules, deadlines, working more, socializing less (not at all), no vacations, and no breaks.

Where is the fun and the chill????

Fun and chill were locked away in the Holiday Gloom 😦

As a result, I put myself quite low I on my own priority list.

It’s time for a little chat with myself: “Self, please take your own advice and put yourself first.”

~~

During the weekend, Captain Amazing so BRAVELY provided me with as much support as I would allow him to provide after my son moved away from home – and various other things – a huge volume of minutia.

Captain Amazing said, “It sounds like things aren’t going so well.”

Actually, things are going very well…but with any EPIC adventure, there are rough patches. I just hit a rough patch.

I tried to logically explain these feelings to him…of feeling out of control, of wanting to run away…

I’ll talk about anything. Anyone who knows me knows this fact. However, I’m able to separate myself enough that I’m not really attached – I’m not intimate with the conversation, and my own personal feelings don’t really come up.

It’s so easy to say it to a crowd, but it’s so hard, my love, to say it to you out loud – Florence & The Machine from No Light, No Light

He bravely asked if I was comfortable with him –

Holy shit, what kind of question is THAT???

Of course, I have been thinking about such things, especially during the abysmal holidays, when my role in other people’s lives becomes quite obvious –

It’s a minor bit-part; I’m actually not in the scene during those times because I’m unattached.

Thankfully, I’m not as low as an understudy (so that’s good – I get to play myself in the show).

I’m unskilled at telling a man how important he is to me without the implication or pressure that I need or expect more than what we have, and at the same time, ensuring him that I’m not going anywhere –

…to provide the freedom AND stability with both need and want – We are inventing something new, and it’s scary sometimes.

I’m riding this adventure out, like I did on my great Hawaii adventure in 2013, without an agenda and without expectations.

As I’m doing that, however, I’m keenly aware of new feelings – Like I miss him sometimes (don’t tell him I said that).

I loathe that feeling so much. It makes me feel powerless and wreaks havoc with my confidence.

“Missing people” has not happened much in my life. I just don’t “miss.” I can count on 1 hand the number of people I have missed in my life (grouping my kids as a unit) –

When I miss my friend Tisha, it’s different – because she died. Neither of us can control that…I just become sad, without wondering about subtext or context.

And there is another feeling that comes up for me with CA – “nurturing” – Don’t know why…but there it is.

We have a great time together – I look forward to his company AND to our sexual adventures – and I’m still very happy and satisfied to take the whole friendship/datingship as it comes –

We have an affinity for each other that I don’t see going away in this lifetime, and I believe it has spanned many lifetimes before.

Nonetheless, some of the shit coming up for me right now is related to the timing of where I am currently with him and “feelings” – and the fact that it’s January, when 2 years ago I was entertaining another man – who is, incidentally, my business partner currently.

Oh, the tangled web I weave!

So these giant leaps of faith I’m taking (personally and professionally) require me to hold hands with my two favorite men – the two men who have been the greatest influences, the most amazing heroes of my life…

– and who have both left me at one point … by myself, unexpectedly abandoned.

While I’m not afraid of being alone or of mending a broken heart – I am terrified of the abrupt nature of how both those events went down – just like the end of my marriage – I didn’t see it coming.

That’s the part that scares me the most – feeling so stupidly unaware – and that I may not have been as connected as I thought I was.

That’s the feeling I have to meditate and breathe through…because I also don’t want to worry about such things. That is not living in the moment, nor is it LIVING BIGGER.

It’s too small for me – that’s putting myself in a cage –

So I have to believe in the intangible and stay the course – and take leaps of faith –

It’s like jumping with a parachute that has no strings – and then depending on these fine men to keep me attached to that parachute…

I can make that analogy and take that jump because they both came back…happily so…on their own terms…

…and they have made my life so much better.

I know that I’m very lucky indeed. I am very grateful – Namaste to my heroes.

~~

On Tuesday, the sun came out (YAY), and I had the opportunity to walk commute:
A 9-mile round trip – and it was delightful.

I walked in the sun, no sleeves, listening to some Disney princess songs, of course singing out loud because I can.

However, when I left the studio at 7:30pm, it was dark. The last time I can remember walking a significant mileage in the dark, other than my shorter walks to Starbucks at 5am, was Hawaii 2 years ago.

hawaii

As I began my journey home from work, I pulled up the music I listened to from that trip to Hawaii – A lot of Florence and the Machine – and I was whisked back to that great adventure!

The memories hit me like a tidal wave – Like my first steps in the ocean at 4:30am under a nearly full moon while listening to Cosmic Love  – It was amazing!

That whole solo adventure was freedom at its finest!

It was diving into the unknown, living unplanned, without a schedule, without an agenda (other than to have an EPIC adventure), without anybody expecting or demanding anything from me – except for ME.

…and my demands were simple – BE, BREATHE, EXPERIENCE.

It was truly the greatest adventure I’ve ever given myself.

The memories were so powerful and so ingrained in my soul, it felt like I was there again. I could actually smell Hawaii on Scottsdale Road.

During my walk home from work that night, listening to Florence and experiencing the feeling that I was back in Hawaii – I decided to spend the month of January 2015 pretending like I’m on a great adventure in a vast unknown land.

Wednesday: One of my beloved clients called in sick – so I had 2.5 hours unexpectedly available in the middle of my day…

…Hmmm…what should I do with that chunk of time??

As I pondered this great opportunity, I put my headphones on and fired up Spotify. They recommended a new playlist, and so I listened to that on my walk to Whole Foods to purchase my cleansing/detox food/juice for the day.

“Don’t Stop Believin” by Journey was on the list – Great song – (Youngest and I had just been talking about this song a few days ago) –

“Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world.
She took the midnight train going anywhere..”

That’s how I feel when I get overwhelmed, so bogged down by the enormity of the volume of minutia that I just want to run away, go anywhere, to just feel free…so I can breathe…so the weight isn’t so heavy.

By letting go of control like that – feeling truly free – I actually feel more in control of my life and my decisions.

So I asked myself what I needed…sunshine??…outdoors??…

…and then I craved a mountain…

I packed my bags for the day and went to work – saw my first client, and then headed to the mountain.

gateway1

I think it hit 80 degrees – My favorite temperature – and I ran and walked, passing others on the hike.

…and I felt free…

gateway2

 

~

On January 13th, I am speaking at Grand Canyon University.

It is the students’ final class, and they are putting together a strategic plan, figuring out what they want to do, what their passion is – mission, vision and values.

The professor invited me to do this so I can spark their imagination.

My public speaking consists of teaching exercise and musical theater, so the students may end up doing push-ups and singing “Agony.”

The professor used my Lego Gandalf picture and my jackhammer picture, along with the biography on my blog to introduce me to his students.

This may seem like such a small step – but it’s a giant leap – To declare my CREATIVE SELF to the Universe – and inspire other people to do the same – YIKES!

I’m not nervous about the speaking engagement – It’s the leap itself.

It’s daunting and overwhelming. I’m diving into the unknown again, but not on a “vacation” – in REAL LIFE, both professionally and personally…

These leaps of faith are the biggest AND scariest I’ve ever taken…

…on the other hand –

Say Geronimo!

 

New Year 2015

Happy New Year!

At least, I’m imagining happiness – since 2014 ended the same way it began – without a party, a kiss, a celebration or sex – Pathetic.

However, all is not lost – and while I have no sex planned in the immediate future – until a week from Monday that I know of for sure (again pathetic) – I have lots of work planned.

Why does that make everything ok? 

It doesn’t, unless there is money attached to it…

…so I’m rechanneling my optimism.

be more awesome

 

I present the highlights of the very end of 2014 and the brighter-lights of what’s to come in 2015.

Here’s to being prepared for anything…or at least being prepared to be prepared for anything.

On the day before the last day of 2014, I had an unusual day that resulted in seeing 2 clients I hadn’t planned for and a KILLER leg workout designed and expertly coached by Ms. Sherrie after a 4.5-mile walk to work with 20 pounds on my back.

Tim Ferriss emailed me also – FINALLY – telling me that he’s hiring a managing editor and would I fit the qualifications – If so, please apply….so I did.

I did that for 3 reasons:

(1) Because I am qualified and I can.
(2) If I get it, great! What an awesome opportunity to dive into the deep end of a larger audience and fancy nerdy internet gadgets and to work with someone I admire.
(3) If I don’t get it, I still did something that most people won’t step outside of their comfort zone to even attempt – put myself out there.

He asked me if I could handle tight deadlines and sticky situations – and if so, how?…

That’s like asking me if I breathe and if so, how.

My life is a multitude of tight deadlines, managing hundreds of clients, my kids’ schedule, writing deadlines, technical glitches, etc.

How do I do it?

I breathe and I get shit done…There is no other option.

It’s difficult to create a hypothetical situation from nothing…although I have just completed that task – Over 7 pages of a “new member” discovering the business that Mr. KC and I are creating.

However, Tim requested that it be under 300 words.

I remember once, a long time ago, Captain Amazing asked how I would react if I walked in and saw another woman there.

There are too many details and variables omitted from that scene to even speculate: Who is the woman? What is she doing? And what are you doing? etc., etc.

I responded with a pause and then said, “That really depends. First, I would never come over without being invited, nor would I enter your house without your knowledge, so the fact that you would be expecting me – and it sounds like that situation would be a surprise to me – I would probably feel disrespected – or I might want to join…I just don’t know…again it would depend on my mood and what I saw …and why I was coming over in the first place…”

He listened…

I added…“But I don’t contemplate such things because that’s not living in the present moment – And it causes me to live in fear and anxiety about something that may or may not ever happen, and I won’t do that to myself…”

“so I’m not going to worry about that happening unless or until that happens.”

He said, “Fair enough.”

So for Tim, I kept my answer about the same – I’ll handle it – with grace and charm – without panic or stress but with enough priority placed on the task at hand, that whatever is happening will be resolved – PERIOD.

Again, how do I breathe? I just do.

There is always a Plan A and a Plan B – I do think about things without judging the situation, but really I take care of the problem, learn from it, and move on.

~

When I arrived home from work, I put my pajamas on, ate a bowl of oatmeal, and fell asleep on the floor with my kids…I think it was 8pm…and my legs were already sore.

~~

On the last day of 2014, I had the great pleasure of walking 9 miles with very sore quads, in 40-degree rainy weather. My hands froze because I was holding the umbrella…

It was my commute to work and back – to see 3 of my favorite clients – I have a lot of favorite clients, with even more to come…

I wore my knit beanie cap all day because it was just THAT cold.

After I walked home, I drove Middlest to her New Year’s Eve party, returned home again, put my pajamas on, and cranked the heat.

I prepared a hot apple cider spiked with Fireball – delicious – and …ZZZZZ… again, right around 8pm.

I set my alarm for 9, thinking that I just needed a nap.

Youngest came in at 8:45 and said I received a text from Captain Amazing. He was wishing me a Happy New Year – and was doing it early because he was going out and turning his phone off so he didn’t get a bunch of drunk texts…

…I texted him him back and went back to sleep. The alarm went off at 9. I turned it off and told Youngest to wake me up before midnight …

…she was knitting me a new beanie cap…

(Here are her efforts – Outstanding – She knitted the scarf too)

beanie hat

At 11:55, she woke me up, and we counted down the New Year … and back to bed I went…

Earlier that day on Twitter, I created an ideal New Year’s Eve agenda that involved many drinks and lots of sex …

Sadly, that didn’t happen…

Maybe next year …

By the way, in my lifetime, I have NEVER celebrated the New Year with a man I am involved with (except during marriage a small handful of times, but by midnight, we weren’t speaking to each other, so it really doesn’t count)

..and NEVER EVER with a kiss at midnight.

– I’m going to have to stop hoping for that to happen. I just don’t think it’s in the cards for me.

New-year-eve-kiss-e-card

~~

THE NEW YEAR CHANGES

I spent much of the Christmas holiday working – yes on deadlines and tedious schedules – …I created plot lines and developed characters…

…because I have an exit strategy launched…

I’m boldly going where I’ve only dreamed about going. And I’m not sure what it looks like exactly…but I know that it’s going to be great.

Resolutions? I don’t believe in those because I solve problems as they arise – and I strategically plan.

Hopes and dreams? Yep – lots – And their fruition has been strategically planned – with enough wiggle room and flexibility to go with the flow…be prepared for anything…or at least be prepared to be prepared for anything.

What are they?

1. Books published – along with the creation of the persona that defines the main character and the word she lives in. I don’t half ass things, and when I pull off the plan that is inside my head and written in my notebook, it will be unlike anything that I’ve ever known to have been done before – EPIC!

I don’t know how other authors feel about their books as they are writing them – but this is how good I believe my stories to be –

I’m so excited to finish writing my books …
so I can read them. 

I think that really says something about what I’m creating.

2. Launch my EPIC business with Mr. KC – It’s really launched already. We’ve been working very hard on it, and today we are working on design elements, budgets, presentations.

3. Schedule more speaking engagements. I have one scheduled, January 13th at Grand Canyon University.

4. …cliffhanger… 🙂 

Happy New Year!

hny

 

 

You Can Only Heal If You Can Feel

You Can Only Heal If You Can Feel:
The Birth Of My Tagline

I attended a networking meeting yesterday. It was the kind where you have to give a 30-second “commercial” for your services.

It was an electric event to say the least.

I had been thinking about how to sum up what I am about in 30 short seconds. There is no time for verbal diarrhea in an elevator pitch.

I wore my best new Super Girl T-shirt. It’s hot pink with Super Girl labels all over it – I did buy this in the kids department at Wal-Mart for my Disneyland trip!

me and gandalf

And I wore my favorite Fabletics capris – black with the camo stripe down the side.

The first time I attended one of these events, I wore my tennis skirt, Super-Man shirt, and my Super-Man caped knee-high socks. I was the only one wearing non-business attire.

Yesterday, however, there were other dynamic and creative individuals wearing whatever they wanted – I found my business tribe!

The mingling was super fun. I gave hugs – I knew a few of the people there, and I was introduced to new people. I thrive in this environment!

I love high-energy people!

I love to listen to what everyone has to say. There were members who had just gone through a leadership boot camp, so this was their first time speaking in the group with their newly honed skills.

If I hadn’t known they used to be quiet timid individuals, I wouldn’t have known they had transformed themselves into the outgoing, well-spoken, and super-charged super heroes that they represented this day.

It was a seamless transition, and I applauded them – They captivated me!

I listened to each pitch intently, and I took notes – some were looking for some specific referrals that I knew I could make.

During the transition from one speaker to the next, I thought about how I could make myself stand out in this crowd of 52 who have been doing this for years.

I wasn’t nervous or worried…Quite the opposite. I was ignited. The spark inside my belly was lighting up – and I wanted to give a speech.

Then it was my turn.

I stood up. And then I stepped up onto my chair to ensure I was seen, and I stood above my audience – and told everyone I was a goddess.

I spoke for less than 30 seconds, since I was improvising, and it was more important for me to be concise, bold, and remembered – to say just enough but not too much.

I spoke from my belly – from my empowered zone – this zone of confidence (yes, it’s also the sex confidence zone). #confidentsexrules

I made eye contact with each member of my new tribe and smiled.

In that moment, everything just slows down around me –

It’s like Neo in the Matrix when he realizes his gift, and he can see the code all around, and all actions become effortless and graceful, even though he is kicking the shit out of everyone.

I told them all that I teach people how to feel again.

“You can only heal if you can feel.”

The birth of my tagline.

And they repeated it back to me – and it was as like the choir of angels were singing their angelic song of AHA!

I must have performed well and made an impression, since one of the members, whom I hadn’t really spoken with in our mingling time, contacted me later asked me to sub for him!

Yowza!

And that was just one tiny moment in my super duper, inspiring, magnificent day yesterday.

Ever Have One Of Those Days??

To Be Crazy Or Not To Be Crazy On A Cray-Cray Day

This post is absolutely an outpouring of my soul – with the hope that anyone reading it is helped by its words. Because I know there is at least 1 person who will benefit from what I am expressing…well 2, if I include myself.

…otherwise, I wouldn’t put it out here…

~~

Last night, we were studying spirit animals. Middlest discovered her spirit animal – Rocket Racoon from Guardians of the Galaxy.

He represents her true essence on the big screen. I love that about her!

We were sitting on the floor next to each other, Middlest with her iPad and me with my ancient 82-1/2-year-old computer that I medicate with Viagra to keep the hard drive hard. #cantgetitupanymore

Anyway, we wanted to find out what our actual spirit animals are- It’s for a book I’m writing – and it’s related to the Hot-Crazy Matrix, where I am ranked as a borderline unicorn. 🙂

hot-crazy-matrix

Middlest commented, “But you’re totally crazy.”

I said, “No I’m not.”

She said, “Yeah, certifiable. You wear kids’ T-shirts and sit on the floor.” 

I said, “Yes, but he likes that about me. ‘Crazy’ in the eyes of a man is ‘nagging,’ ‘bitching,’ ‘complaining, ‘making no sense,’ etc…that kind of stuff.”

She said, “Oh, ok. Well, then no, you’re not crazy.”

I said, “Thanks!”

She said, “Let’s take another quiz…”

During the entire evening, however, I was under a cloud of anxiety because I couldn’t find something that I was requested to find. I had everything else except that – the one thing that was requested of me –

We went to bed, and the nightmares started.

~~

This morning, my walk was interrupted by an awesome rain and magnificent lightning storm, so I chose to drive to fetch my coffee. I returned and woke the little darlings up so we could get ready for school.

In our little microcosm (apartment), we are a close-knit band.

We are so close, in fact, that when one of us is feeling off, the rest of us can feel it too.

This morning, my heightened stress was palpable even though I was outwardly calm…with shaking hands…

Middlest finally said, “I think we all just need to mediate.”

…and we took in a collective deep breath.

I asked her, “Do you have anyone in your life that no matter what you do or say, it will always be wrong? That you’ll always be a fuck-up in their eyes?”

“Every day of my life,” she replied.

#duh

“That’s how I’m feeling right now,” I said. “I shouldn’t care, and I can’t figure out why I do.” 

It was over that request, which really is a little thing, because it usually is…the molehill that gets turned into a mountain.

The thing is, it hasn’t even become a mountain – Nonetheless, I’m beating myself up because it probably will, so I am anticipating it. And I am mulling over all the various scenarios in my head that could possibly happen next.

And since the worst has come to fruition in the past and, therefore, remains a very real possibility; it is always a looming dread in the background of my existence, (i.e. taking my kids or yelling at me or punching a wall near my head) –

It’s extraordinarily difficult to not dismiss those things as possibilities, even though that is entirely irrational.

I know and accept that I will always be a royal fuck-up in the eyes of Mr. Ex.

The truth is, I probably make 1,000 tiny mistakes a day and I continuously correct them. They are small, never the end of the world, and it took me years of retraining myself to correct the “self-flagellation” ….to be able to breathe again and not fear what might happen next.

That said, when someone you love and trust continuously is the one stabbing you, it becomes a very deep wound.

And when I hear about the ones I love most being stabbed by someone they love – It stabs me again…new fresh wound.

After sending my “slices of heaven” to their destinations, I decided that I should talk to someone about what I was feeling.

I didn’t make the wisest decision.

It started well, and as the words left my thought bubbles and came out of my mouth, I started to feel better.

…until…I was offered a criticism that stabbed me again, over something completely unrelated and something that is “me” to my very core – the outpouring of my soul – my writing.

This time, however, I defended myself, and for that I am proud.

I know not everybody is going to resonate with what I have to say. They may not enjoy it or laugh as much I do when they read it. They may even be offended by it. I kind of hope so sometimes, even though that scares me a little bit.

I am acutely aware of this every time I hit “publish.”

I do not take that action lightly.

It probably takes me 10x longer to produce one post than any other author because I read, re-read, re-read out loud, correct format, read, re-read, re-read out loud, correct, add, read, re-read, and re-read out loud until I’ve run out of time.

I have issues with perfection.

I have issues with not being perfect.

I also love not being perfect – It’s very freeing.

But this time it’s hitting me in a different way….and now I have connected the dots…

I have to live with the fact that I will always be a disappointment to someone whom I never wanted to be a disappointment to.

I have to live with the fact that in the eyes of the one person who was supposed to have cared, I will always be boring, unattractive, unlovable, and a complete fuck-up, repeatedly, even though I put forth a tremendous effort to live well, be honorable, and try hard to be my best.

It will probably haunt me until the day I die and every time another fuck-up occurs – and in each occurrence, I am reminded of the disappointment I represent to the person who chose to marry me – the boringness, the unattractivenes, the unloveableness, the perpetual fuck-upness.

I have issues with perfection.

I have issues with not being perfect.

I also love not being perfect – It’s very freeing.

~~

With my head spinning from being insulted and criticized on the phone when I was asking for help, I decided to walk to the bank. I approached a driveway that cut through the sidewalk. There was a car waiting to make a left turn into it.

I hadn’t yet arrived at the driveway, so I stopped walking and looked behind, saw no cars, and waved to the car to turn in ahead of me because he would have had to wait for a bit before I arrived at the driveway and then walked across it.

I waved to him again to indicate that he could turn in – that I was in no hurry – I couldn’t see his face. I was still a little lost in my thoughts and wiping a tear from my face.

He then turned quickly, proceeded to roll down his window, and yelled at me, calling me a bitch.

Yep, it’s one of those days.

I felt like Gamora walking through the prison with all of the inmates yelling at her, wanting to kill her because of who she was and what she represented. She walked gracefully, silently.

~~

I love who I am – I really do.

I love the tribe of people in my life – I really do.

I am taking courageous steps that I know I need to take but are hard anyway and scary anyway.

I have zombies chasing me everywhere, wanting to smother me with that insecurity blanket.

Why now? Why is all of this coming up now?

  • Because I’m adding new necessary dimensions to my work and career – and change can be daunting.
  • Because life is ups and downs and I have chosen to feel rather than to be numb.
  • Because I have an amazing friend who means the world to me.

So here I am, faced with the only things I can control: ME, my actions, my feelings, and my crazy.

Honestly, I feel like I’m standing on the tall platform at the first zip line, feeling like I am going to free-fall into an abyss – or a pit of zombies that are going to pull me down with them – kind of dizzy and sick to my stomach.

I have talked about how scary that was to many people, standing on that first zip line tower, especially because I’m scared of heights.

I had to face that fear alone, with that dizzying queasiness – I felt like I was on a swing at the very top of the arch and that I was going to fly out of it.

During the many times I told that zip line story, I remarked how I couldn’t remember the one thing that made me step off – that made me decide to take that leap.

I remembered it today, two things:

  1. “You’ll be so disappointed in yourself if you don’t this.”
  2. “You’ll have to tell Captain Amazing that you chickened out – YOU BIG NINNY – and he will be disappointed in you too.”

I am not gonna lie – He is so cool!and I never want to disappoint him.

“Never” is a fucking long time, I know that, so that’s a completely unrealistic expectation to put on myself.

…so is being a unicorn, but I’m striving for it anyway…

The point is, sometimes shit gets a little crazy and shit comes up. It just does. When it does, how I handle it determines my level of crazy, which will not go above a 5, no matter how cray-cray things get.

🙂

 

 

How to UPGRADE your life in 3 simple steps

Here are the 3 simple steps to upgrading your life: 

 

Step #1 – Let Go of Limitations

One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting you.

Step #2 – Use What You Already Have

You’re already awesome – Why aren’t you using it?

Step #3 – Show Up

The secret behind any successful person is that simple – Those two syllables: SHOW UP!

Your Other Option – Stay Stuck

Of course, if you choose not to do anything, you can stay right where you are, emotionally eating that bowl of ice cream, scanning OK Cupid for someone to pay attention to you, and continuing to wonder why you can’t have what you want.

If this is where you are, then please leave me a comment below and tell me why you want to marry that bag of potato chips.

install-upgrade

Funny Things Happened

Funny Things Happened:
Funny Fun and Funny Not-So-Much

The days since returning from my body/soul cleansing in Maui have been interesting. I’ve been completely overworked – workaholism is real – with 12-hour work days, not counting computer work, very little time to write, and sprinkled with very little fun.

The rainbows are gone, and sprinkles are scarce.
Where is that f*ing unicorn??

I’m combining some stories in today’s post for a reason. Too often we have “fun” in this box over here….and we have “work” in that box over there….serious on one side…playfulness on the other side…

Our lives are not set up with this dichotomy, as evidenced by my retreat – where we were laughing and crying at the same time….dancing and singing, and dealing with seriously clogged up feeling pipes.

 

Even still, I had been able to maintain my confidence and cultivate creativity – by paying attention to little things…until yesterday…

…and here’s what has gone down…

Wednesday

My plane landed at 6 a.m. I texted my ride, my kids, and Captain Amazing, indicating that I had returned home.

The Captain’s response: “TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND.”

This actually confused me for a moment because I was communicating with my ride, Mr. Julie McCoy, who was asking me where I was.

During that moment of confusion, my stomach did a flip-flop – I thought perhaps Captain Amazing had accompanied my ride! Then reality came back to me – I realized he meant – turn around and return to Maui –

I wish I would have done that!

He also said he was looking forward to hearing my stories.  ❤

~~

When I finally got to visit Captain Amazing, his door was open for me, and I walked quietly in. He walked down the hall, smiled, and just wrapped me in his arms and kissed me for 3 whole days, just the way I like it. **sigh**

I feel so great around him. I don’t know how he does that – It’s a mystery.

He was getting ready to make himself a drink and asked if I would like one.

“Yes, please,” I said. #detoxshmetox

I shared pictures with him and told him the story of meeting Oprah. He shared his upcoming adventure plans and the places he would be scuba diving on HIS upcoming trip to Maui. I had spent one afternoon in Kehei, where he was going to be.

We went out on the patio and visited some more –

I’m repeating myself – He makes me feel so great! I don’t know how he does that –

I really don’t think he does anything at all. He just IS. …

Hmm… Are boys supposed to do something to make a girl feel great?? I mean, outside of anything orgasmic…??? 

As I was feeling all great – I said to him, “I just want you to know that I really appreciate you.”

He smiled, looked down at the ground and cocked his head to one side, and I think he actually blushed – and then he said, “I appreciate you too. You and I are going to be OK.”

Ding-dong!

I had chosen “appreciation” because he does a lot for others – and I think he receives “thanks” from some, but not from the people whom he should and from whom he probably never will. – Just my observation. Don’t tell him I said that.

So we exited the patio and entered “Pleasure Town,” my favorite city on the planet! …and then we had fun because it’s always fun –

If I recall correctly, he put me in charge of doing most of the work – However, somewhere along the way, he had taken over – fine with me – I was just rolling with it.  Weeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

“I thought you were going to do the work,” he commented out of breath.

I defended my honor – “Hey, I flipped you over.”

“Yes, yes you did,” he agreed.

The next morning, my alarm went off at 4 a.m. For some reason, I thought I had a lot to do…that long list was escaping me, so I turned the alarm off.

The sun woke me up about 90 minutes later, and then I remembered what I had forgotten – I stood up, grabbed my clothes, walked to the kitchen, fetched a glass of water, and then put my clothes on. I went into the yard and looked at the sky and took a deep breath.

I went back in, walked down the hall, and sat snuggly up against Captain Amazing and gently stroked his back. I whispered in his ear that I was going to go and that he didn’t need to get up –

He woke up from his sound sleep, looked at me, and said “What time is it?”

“It’s 5:30,” I said.

He said, “I didn’t think you’d leave for at least another hour and a half – What about morning sex?”

Oooooo goody!!!!!!

I said, “I love morning sex!!!” …and I began taking my clothes off 🙂  …and as I was stripping quickly, I added, “I just didn’t want to be in the way and disrupt your morning.” 

He told me that when I’m over, I can do whatever my routine normally is – and then we can have time for morning sex.

YIPPEE!!! I am soooo lucky! So much fun!

~~

Looking back on that – it seems like it was so long ago. It was almost 2 weeks ago. UGH! Two more to go…

All my peeps have been reading my blog – happiness – and daily I am asked how Captain Amazing is…he’s “famous” and doesn’t even know it!

One client told me, “I know you’re having great sex – I read about it every day.” 🙂 🙂

~~

Facebook Antics: Dedicated to Ms. JK

The other funny fun thing that happened occurred on Facebook – imagine that!

Professor Hottie usually posts song lyrics and other random nonsense that usually makes me laugh – and sometimes he will post a survey of sorts where he gives his audience two choices.

On that day, he posted, “Flannel shirt and jeans, or suit and tie.”

All the ladies were chiming in – and some asked, “Can I pick both?” – to which he replied, “No, you have to pick one.”

Hot muscly dudes usually look goofy in suits and ties, which are ill-fitting most of the time, and that is probably “user error” rather than suit error.

Nevertheless, when considering the flannel shirt, I was reminded of the early 1990s grunge: Dudes who didn’t smell their freshest and had long stringy hair…

So I commented with my 2 cents, obviously not following the Professor’s directions, Shirtless and jeans.”

A few minutes later, I received a private message from Professor Hottie. He said: “Like that?”

Holy crap!!!!!!!! YES, YES, YES!!!!! Pass me the wet nap, please!

hottie professor

I said, “Ooooooo I was so right??? Perfect and yummy! Thank you!”

He said, ” 😉 ”

And I thought for a second – “Just don’t delete it please 🙂 It’s hot, and I might need it on cold nights.”

…I got a thumbs up!

Ms. JK – we were prowling for hot dudes in Hawaii – I’m sharing this one with you 🙂 Enjoy, Sista!

~~

Funny Strange: Not-So-Fun But Probably Good For Me

As I stated above, during these 12-hour monster days, I had been maintaining my strong confidence, even though I had been feeling like my life was not being controlled by me…until yesterday, when my confidence dove head first into the deep end of an empty swimming pool.

I had been working on sales emails ALL F*ING DAY, planning autoresponders and sales funnels, entering web code into membership sites…I love the creative side of all that, but the technical side is physically and emotionally draining.

I had taken a few walking breaks and went out to get a hair cut, did a little grocery shopping.

I took my now weekly call from my friend and we talked about a speaking engagement she wanted me to do.

Obviously when she saw me speak, she saw “something” that made her think that I belonged on that stage.

I know it too – feel it in my bones – but doing what? saying what? I really don’t know.

She asked me what would make me unique – Why would these people see me? – I have no clue. I just know what people tell me.

What “service” from the stage could I provide a Google tech that would make him/her frantically take notes? These are people who need their creativity sparked at all times – what happens to them when they are stressed and their creativity plummets to the abyss? How do they get it back?

I deal with that every day.

I had to recall then the purpose of my work: To inspire creativity and adventure in everyday life.

For me, creativity is the essence of thriving. This last week has been incredibly challenging because I haven’t created – I haven’t unloaded the stories from my soul, which leaves me burdened with feelings of inadequacy.

…and the more I “sell” rather than “create,” the more burdened I become – the more overwhelmed I feel –

When that happens (like now), a dark hole in the corner of the universe sounds so nice.

I have 4 clients today though, so I don’t have the luxury of cocooning myself in a hole anytime soon –

– I have my eye on August 10 – a flying solo day off where I have no intention of leaving the house – where I can belong only to myself and Ms. Divine Higher Power, and the three of us are just going to chill.

It’s my carrot dangling in front of my weathered spirit…

The thing is, I know I wouldn’t fit into the Silicon Valley life. The only silicon thing in my life is Majestic Purple, but he is grateful to have escaped the valley and hang here with me where it’s fun.

I can’t compete with Eckhart Tolle – I only leave my body during orgasms.

Then again, maybe some of the 70% of orgasmless women in this country work for these tech companies in Silicon Valley.

When my creativity is shot and I’m feeling like shit about myself, I go for a walk – and I walk with purpose, erect and poised, sometimes like a super model, sometimes like a super hero – either way, I walk with confidence like I’m the BOMB (I used to teach women how to do this- It’s great exercise)…

…and I play a soundtrack to go with it – last night and this morning, I listened to Lindsey Stirling – and Shatter Me came on – Wicked Awesome!

The only thing missing was a swing-set. Sadly, this country is removing swings from playgrounds, which breaks my heart. There will soon be a generation of kids who will have never swung on a swing…never will feel that stomach drop, that pull forward…the weightlessness…the thrill…

I don’t own a television. Television ruins creativity – and it’s not necessarily the programming, but that’s a large part of it. I can’t prove this, but there is something about the device itself that affects the brain and the neurological pathways in the body – I believe that the television is a neurotoxin.

Somebody should call Bill Nye The Science Guy and ask him to investigate.

I play for fun, and I play to correct my low confidence and my creative lulls.

Look what I did above – I picked “shirtless and jeans” when it wasn’t an option and chose that over “suit and tie” – and I received a great gift!!

I don’t think a candid pic of a man wearing a suit and tie would have been quite so nice, nor would it have sparked a story.

I don’t know if Silicon Valley is ready for my black camo pants and black tank top, even though they are designed by Kate Hudson and her Fabletics team.

I think the solution to a creative crisis is to go outside and play, laugh, have fun … have a real conversation about nothing … ride a roller coaster… go on a swing …. walk through a neighborhood and say “good morning” to 10 people …

…and just say “fuck it – I don’t care what anybody thinks” –

 

 

The quote above is by me 🙂

How To Choose The Path

How To Choose The Path:
Get Busy Living Or Join The Zombies.

“How do I feel?” asked Brown Sugar (formerly known as Mr. Tennis).

“Like you’ve been playing a lot of tennis,” I said.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” he replied sarcastically. “What do you feel in me today?”

“There’s a heaviness about you today – Something is weighing you down,” I said.

He said, “Yes. I’m trying to choose the path. And I’m unsure. How do you choose?”

I paused and gave the question some real thought.

“Let the path choose you,” I said.

“How do I let it choose me?” he asked.

Ahhh – that’s the million dollar question, isn’t it?

I had so many answers to that question and really wanted to probe deeper into his dilemma. #InquiringMinds

He confessed that he has two paths in each his professional life and his personal life. I didn’t ask what they were.

Instead, I asked him what he was afraid of. #ZombieApocalypse

“Regret,” he said.

 I asked, “Do you mean like you’ll miss out on something you think is better once you’ve decided?” #GrassIsGreenerSyndrome

“Something like that,” he said.

I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.

“You CAN have it all, you know,” I said.

He said, “I don’t think so. My life has taught me otherwise.”

I told him I would sleep on it, and then let him know what I dream about.

However, the dreams didn’t come in my sleep – Rather, they came while I was hiking this morning.

Two phrases floated into my consciousness: “Let go” and “effortlessness.”

Let Go: When I am faced with questions like this, I usually lie on the ground, with my hands on my belly, and I simply ask – “How do I solve this problem?” 

…and I let go…I don’t really think about it – it’s more like a dream. I rest with it a bit.

And then I leave the question that I have posed inside my trusted soul to find the answer it’s looking for.

That question is like the ring of power in the Lord of The Rings – It’s searching for its answer.

I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I’d just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me.

If you fear “getting the wrong answer,” then you’re missing the point. There is no “right” or “wrong” – There just “is.”

Effortlessness: Here’s an analogy that best describes this for Brown Sugar, since he and I both play tennis: It’s hitting the sweet-spot, when you are playing “in the zone” but not zoned out.

It’s like using the Force – you anticipate and arrive where the ball is going to be before it gets there.

You’re not even thinking about it.

And your racquet is back and ready to swing, and it hits the ball in the exact sweet-spot – where the hit is effortless – you don’t even feel it. That ball hits its mark and is typically a winner.

For me, because I’m not as seasoned as Brown Sugar, that hit is rare when I play, and I usually have to ask myself, “God that felt good – How did I do that?”

When I’m running fast, I don’t feel anything. It’s effortless. It’s like my feet don’t even touch the ground. It’s like I’m flying.

Prior to being a trainer and therapist, I was a medical transcriptionist. I’ve spent 20 years online writing.

Actually, when I’m massaging, I’m writing in my head.

That is my effortlessness – my free square – My creativity brings me joy. It makes everything right for me.

Once I know that when people are interested, then I get more excited to tell them another story – and if I don’t get to tell it, I am not at my best, mentally or physically.

So my path of writing/storytelling has been buried underneath layers of everything else I’ve chosen to do.

And that path has been there choosing me all along – I just needed to let go of the bullshit and pay attention.

Brown Sugar asked me what my fear is – and I said, “success” – but that’s actually not the right word.

So while I meditated on the question he presented me, I directed myself to my very own question: What holds me back from realizing my full potential?

Sure, it could be “uncertainty.”

Then I had an “aha moment”- I’ve been working on achieving this success for so long now – What happens when I achieve it? Then what?

Obviously I’ll make new goals, enjoy the ride, etc., etc.

But there must be some part of me that understands that the game of “getting there” will be over. Then what?

The game then becomes supporting the empire – hiring staff – investing my time and resources in different areas.

When I think of those things, I get overwhelmed and paralyzed, which is ridiculous because I’m not there yet! #FutureInducedParalysis

I went to a comedy show last night, and my interest was piqued because the headliner has written a lot of books, and she’s funny and famous sort of (she probably would be to me if I had a TV).

All things I want to achieve, although instead of stand-up comedy, I would prefer “speaking engagements” – but whatever.

I watched her and asked myself if I could see myself doing that – being on the stage and bringing forth my creative yumminess – YES.

Some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright.

I do not fear success – I fear being intimidated and overwhelmed. There may be an irrational fear that things may be more awesome than I can even fathom.

I think those fears are manageable as I long as I don’t paralyze myself before I reach my goal.

The point is – the path might be clouded by irrationally “thinking ahead too much” when it isn’t even warranted. #KeepYourEyeOnTheBall

Furthermore, whatever path you choose, you’re not putting cement shoes on – unless that IS the path you’re contemplating, in which case, you probably should be seeking advice from another sage (i.e. 911) – just saying.

Let go, make an effortless choice, and follow-through.

Then your real path will choose you – regardless of your decision.

But paralysis isn’t going to move you along.

Just make a decision – Get Busy Living – The path will choose you.

I hope when you take that jump,
You don’t fear the fall.
I hope when the water rises,
You built a wall

I hope when the crowd screams out,
They’re screaming your name.
I hope if everybody runs,
You choose to stay.

I hope that you fall in love,
And it hurts so bad.
The only way you can know,
Is give it all you have.

And I hope that you don’t suffer,
But take the pain.
I hope when the moment comes
You’ll say…

I did it all!
I owned every second
That this world could give.
I saw so many places
And things that I did.
Yeah, with every broken bone,
I swear I lived.

Quotes above are by Lucille Ball, Frances Mayes from Under The Tuscan Sun, Evelyn Ashford, Stephen King, One Republic song I Lived.